{"id":297,"date":"2010-07-14T13:55:11","date_gmt":"2010-07-14T13:55:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/07\/perfectly-human-walking-in-and-amongst-something-holy-by-becky-dawson.html"},"modified":"2010-07-14T13:55:11","modified_gmt":"2010-07-14T13:55:11","slug":"perfectly-human-walking-in-and-amongst-something-holy-by-becky-dawson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/07\/perfectly-human-walking-in-and-amongst-something-holy-by-becky-dawson.html","title":{"rendered":"Perfectly Human**: Walking In and Amongst Something Holy by Becky Dawson"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Becky Dawson is a full time mother and educator for her son (8) and daughter (4). She is working on a Professional Editing Certificate from the University of California, Berkeley, and writes on the topics of special needs, interactions in the medical world, and her growth and interactions with her Maker as seen through Christian Orthodoxy.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n


<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Dawson513.jpg\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

I am an intimate spectator of suffering; yet the suffering often coexists with delight and beauty. <\/p>\n

I am the mother of a boy who was diagnosed with a myclonic seizure
\ndisorder<\/a> at eighteen-months. White light, fluorescent lights, and sensory
\noverload trigger his seizures<\/a>. He struggles with headaches and frustration. He
\nfalls a lot and often hits his head. His knees are always covered with hues of
\npurples and browns like the color of prunes, and my boy is trapped, trapped
\nwithin the circumference of his eight-year-old brain. He has a wonderful
\nbrilliance inside, but it seems the processing guard who stands between the
\ninside of Andrew’s brain and the outside world gets all the information mixed
\nup. This guard clearly is very disorganized as most of the words that come from
\nAndrew’s mouth are unclear or repetitive. The same disorganization impacts
\nAndrew’s hands. He cannot get them to do what he wants. He cannot write or draw
\nthe way he wishes.  <\/span><\/p>\n

He has this amazing ability to point to all the correct
\nanswers on a multiple-choice test no matter the subject, and almost always gets
\n90% correct, but most words that trickle from his mouth are jumbled and
\nslurred. So, in a world that only weighs intelligence through articulation and
\nwriting, Andrew is considered unintelligible.<\/p>\n

Andrew is delightful. He loves to play outside. If I could
\nbottle his laughter, I would sell it. He is drawn to beauty and constantly
\nreminds us of the beautiful mountains, trees, and flowers that surround us. He
\ncalls his little sis, “Sweetheart,” and can be found often patting her back
\nwhen she is scared. If given a gift, he always asks for a second for his
\nsister, and I hear “I love you mom” several times a day.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Andrew does not see himself as disabled. We sent him to a
\nspecial needs summer camp, and he played with all the camper’s typical siblings
\nthe entire week. When asked if he wanted to return the following year, he
\nshredded the camp’s brochure and put it in the trash. When he falls, he will
\nscream at me if I come to assist him. “I will handle this by myself, Mom!” He
\ngloriously speeds by on his recumbent trike and loves to quickly clench his
\nhand breaks, causing his bike to spin in a circle, giggling. <\/p>\n

I too have felt trapped, trapped in a world of suffering. I
\ncannot decipher which is worse, rejection, or the daily physical pain. When his
\nhead aches and he has been woken, crying several times the night before from
\npainful seizures, darkness frames his eyes and you can tell that it just hurts
\nto move. He is agitated and volatile and if exposed to loud noises and crowds
\nhe often has to lie down for several hours to recover. The noise and movement
\nis difficult for him to assimilate and results in severe pain and discomfort. I
\nwas once told that these children are daily martyrs. I think it’s true. As
\nAndrew engages and interacts with others, he has this way about him that quickly
\nburns away the trivialities of life that reveal the inner condition of one’s
\nheart. Some people respond with love and gentleness, while others spew
\njudgment, mistrust, and anger.  <\/span><\/p>\n

I am no different–I thrashed about for quite some time while
\nconfined in my house. I was angry at what my life had become. I had been a
\nladder-climber, success driven, and I was forced to put aside everything I
\nthought was important. I couldn’t work, sleep, run, hike, bike, or write. After
\nsix years, I was broken and sobbing on the floor, mourning lost dreams, horrendous
\nnights, and loss of self. I felt like a slave. Towards the end of that night,
\nit occurred to me that I must either embrace my place in this world as servant
\nor continue to thrash (Matt 20:25-28<\/a>).<\/p>\n

To protect Andrew, our pace and environment had to be quieter
\nand move slower, and our diet had been severely restricted. I had to abstain
\nfrom many things that I thought I deserved or had a right to, and in this
\nabstinence, I began to develop an awareness of my spiritual state. I discovered
\nthat I was walking in and amongst something holy. In light of suffering, there
\nis beauty in this metamorphosis that is occurring in me and in others who daily
\nengage our family. As I die to myself, I find and am realizing that I can only
\nbe true and usable in this weak place, that anything outside of this state
\nsubtly turns towards pride, fear, control, and selfishness. Occasionally I can
\nsense this hope-giving, patient love that bears all things.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

**For an explanation of the title “Perfectly Human,” and to read the first entry in this series, click here<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

To read all the entries in the series, type “Perfectly Human” into the search box in the upper right.<\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Becky Dawson is a full time mother and educator for her son (8) and daughter (4). 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