{"id":286,"date":"2010-06-30T08:46:57","date_gmt":"2010-06-30T08:46:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/06\/for-better-for-worse-1.html"},"modified":"2010-06-30T08:46:57","modified_gmt":"2010-06-30T08:46:57","slug":"for-better-for-worse-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/06\/for-better-for-worse-1.html","title":{"rendered":"For Better, for Worse"},"content":{"rendered":"


\n\"wedding<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

My parents
\nrecently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I’ve already written<\/span><\/a> about their party, where they
\ninvited a group of friends and family to join them for a fundraiser for Abilis,
\nan organization that supports men and women with disabilities. But I’ve been
\nthinking about the 40 years that went into that celebratory day. In particular,
\nI’ve been thinking about their vows.<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/span><\/p>\n

Mom and Dad were married on a June day in 1970. They said
\ntheir vows: “For better, for worse. For richer, for poorer. In sickness
\nand in health. Until death do us part.” They exchanged rings. and then
\nthey walked from the church to my grandparent’s back yard. Mom’s bridesmaids made their outfits–skirts in a daisy pattern, white blouses. And they all ate and
\ndanced and she threw the bouquet and off they went. <\/span><\/p>\n

Forty years later, they live in a beautiful house. They
\neach have good jobs. They have four adult daughters, two sons-in-law and one on
\nthe way, two grandchildren and more to come. They are active members of a local
\nchurch. They have supportive friends. But it hasn’t been all roses. They’ve
\nweathered sick kids, unhappy kids, sick parents, unhappy parents. My dad has
\nendured four back surgeries over the course of the past few years, including
\none that landed him in the ICU for eight days. He lives with chronic pain. Mom
\nwas diagnosed with colon cancer a few months back. She’s cancer free now, but
\nstill found herself in the hospital for a week in April. And although they’ve
\nnever shared any details with me, I suspect that illness is not all they’ve
\nfaced. I suspect they’ve had their unhappy days, months, even years together. <\/span><\/p>\n

For better, for worse. In sickness, in health. The
\ntraditional marriage vows more or less assume that life together will involve suffering.
\nThat things might get worse. That it’s going to be tough. <\/span><\/p>\n

I tend to look at marriages that have lasted for decades
\nand assume that they have been filled with laughter and romantic sentiment. But
\nI’m starting to assume that those moments of joy and love are inextricably woven together with suffering and disappointment. And that only a covenant
\ncould possibly hold it all together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for not having the perfect marriage.
\nThanks, forty years on, for loving each other, for better, for worse. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My parents recently celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary. I’ve already written about their party, where they invited a group of friends and family to join them for a fundraiser for Abilis, an organization that supports men and women with disabilities. But I’ve been thinking about the 40 years that went into that celebratory day. 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Two major life experiences have shaped her writing and her faith\u00e2\u20ac\u201dcaring for her mother-in-law as she battled cancer and welcoming her daughter Penny into the world after she was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. Both experiences expanded and enriched her understanding of what it means to be human and to receive each and every person as a gift.\u00c2\u00a0 A graduate of Princeton University and Princeton Theological Seminary, she is the author of Penelope Ayers: A Memoir, and the forthcoming A Good and Perfect Gift (Bethany House). Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=286"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/286\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=286"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=286"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=286"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}