{"id":257,"date":"2010-06-02T14:17:01","date_gmt":"2010-06-02T14:17:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/thinplaces\/2010\/06\/perfectly-human-transparency-by-margot-starbuck.html"},"modified":"2010-06-02T14:17:01","modified_gmt":"2010-06-02T14:17:01","slug":"perfectly-human-transparency-by-margot-starbuck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/2010\/06\/perfectly-human-transparency-by-margot-starbuck.html","title":{"rendered":"Perfectly Human: Transparency, by Margot Starbuck"},"content":{"rendered":"

With the move to beliefnet, I decided to start a weekly guest blog post called “Perfectly Human.” This weekly feature is intended to provide a picture of life
\nwith a disability in all its possibilities and limitations, gifts and
\nstruggles. The title of this feature comes from the Greek word telos<\/i>, which can be translated as
\n“perfect” but which also can be defined as, “the end for which it was created.”
\nPeople with disabilities are just as human as anyone else–flawed and gifted,
\nbeloved and broken. They are “perfectly” human, which is to say, created with a
\npurpose. This space is intended to convey the things that connect us as human
\nbeings, things that go beyond our perceptions of able\/disabled. And this space
\nis intended to suggest ways in which individuals with disabilities can, at
\nleast sometimes, help individuals without disabilities to understand their own
\nhumanity.
\n<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n
My friend Margot Starbuck<\/a>, author of Unsqueezed<\/a>, and The Girl in the Orange Dress<\/a>, agreed to write the first post:<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/p>\n

Transparency<\/b><\/p>\n

Margot Starbuck<\/p>\n

\"Thumbnail<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Tuesday morning I spoke to a local mother’s group.  <\/span>After dropping babies and toddlers off
\nin childcare, about fifty or sixty women gathered around tables for orange
\njuice, tasty treats and an inspirational word from yours truly.  <\/span>Having been invited to speak about the
\nimportance of motherhood, I gladly obliged.<\/p>\n

When I told the women how critical they were during their
\nchildren’s developmental years, they nodded in agreement. When I exhorted them
\nto help their children notice their feelings, they scribbled notes in
\njournals.  <\/span>Strong eye contact,
\nraised eyebrows told me they were tracking along dutifully.  <\/span>For the briefest moment, I felt like I
\nwas really going to be instrumental in changing the lives of women and
\nchildren, possibly for generations to come.<\/p>\n

Once I got my wits back, I knew enough to doubt that a week
\nfrom now they’ll remember any of my wise words. <\/span><\/p>\n

That’s not to say they won’t remember anything at all.  <\/span>In fact, I know exactly<\/i> what they’re going to remember three months from now.  <\/span>These mothers will remember that I had
\na horrible<\/i> Mother’s Day in 2010.  <\/span>They’ll remember that I take an
\nantidepressant and said it out loud. 
\n<\/span>In a church.  <\/span>They’ll
\nremember that when my children were all toddlers, I almost lost my mind.  <\/span>When I was sharing that stuff<\/i> they did not take notes, but what I read on their faces
\nwas grateful knowing relief.<\/p>\n

(Sigh) “Ahhh…I’m not alone.”<\/p>\n

(Sigh) “Ahhh…I don’t have to pretend.”<\/p>\n

(Sigh) “Ahhh…It’s okay to let other people see who I really
\nam.”<\/p>\n

Hear me: I’m as tempted as anyone else to pose, to wear
\nmasks, to put on a happy face. 
\n<\/span>Just like everybody else, I want to communicate to others that I’ve got
\nmy act together.  <\/span>I probably spend
\nmore energy on this than I’m even able to admit.<\/p>\n

In my best <\/i>worst
\nmoments, though, I resist that temptation.  <\/span>This isn’t because I’m particularly noble.  <\/span>Not at all.  <\/span>Rather, I choose to take the mask off, to let people see who
\nI really am, because I’ve experienced something even better.  <\/span>I’ve felt <\/i>the relief that these overwhelmed mothers felt when I <\/i>have encountered others who were
\nwilling to tell the truth.  <\/span>I’ve caught
\na glimpse of the kind of freedom that’s possible when the mask is removed.  <\/span>I’ve been blessed and inspired by
\npeople who are just fine with being themselves.<\/p>\n

Don’t you just wanna run out and get you some o’ dat?!<\/p>\n

Here’s my secret: I received this fantastic gift from a
\nnumber of teenage and adult friends who live with various cognitive and
\nphysical disabilities. <\/p>\n

For years I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was so
\nentirely lifegiving <\/i>about being with
\nthese friends.  <\/span>I’d heard people
\nsay things about individuals with cognitive disabilities being “angelic.”  <\/span>Yet with the understanding that they
\nare as human and fallen as I am, I knew my friends weren’t saints.  <\/span>“What is <\/i>it about these relationships,” I searched, “that is so very
\nappealing and even holy<\/i>?” <\/span><\/p>\n

Finally, recently, I got it. <\/span><\/p>\n

It can’t be seen under a microscope or measured on any
\nstandardized test.   <\/span>Rather,
\nit is a wily thing called “transparency”. 
\n<\/span>Don’t worry, my friends aren’t invisible.  <\/span>Quite the opposite, in fact!  <\/span>Less driven to hide behind masks that cover up who they really<\/i> are, often seeming more
\ncomfortable in their own skin than a lot of other folks I know, these friends
\nbless me, and bless others, by being who
\nthey really are<\/i>. <\/p>\n

I saw it with my own eyes, about six weeks ago, when our
\ncommunity held a big dance for friends with and without disabilities.  <\/span>As I watched a lot of the teen- and
\ncollege-aged and other adult volunteers dancing, I witnessed people who were,
\nat last, tasting freedom<\/i>.  <\/span>Because everyone who’d walked in the
\ndoor that evening had been entirely accepted by their friends with disabilities,
\nthose in attendance experienced what pastor Tim Keller calls, “blessed
\nself-forgetfulness.” Less concerned with impressing others than I am, these
\nfriends of mine create a new kind of reality, a kingdom space, where people can
\nbe who they really are.<\/p>\n

The converse, of course, is also true: people I know who
\nwear a lot of masks, who pose, who try to hide<\/i>
\nwho they really are, can often be pretty critical of others.  <\/span>Yet what I experience among many of my
\nmask-less friends is both an acceptance of self and an acceptance of other that
\nmakes me breathe a deep sigh of relief.<\/p>\n

“If she can be who she really is, than–at last–I can be who
\nI really am.” <\/p>\n

(Sigh) “Ahhh…..”<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With the move to beliefnet, I decided to start a weekly guest blog post called “Perfectly Human.” This weekly feature is intended to provide a picture of life with a disability in all its possibilities and limitations, gifts and struggles. 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Her essays have appeared in First Things, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Christian Century, ChristianityToday.com, and Bloom, among other online venues.","sameAs":["http:\/\/amyjuliabecker.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/author\/amyjuliabecker"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/257","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/88"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=257"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/257\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=257"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=257"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thinplaces\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=257"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}