{"id":17,"date":"2012-01-27T22:24:12","date_gmt":"2012-01-27T22:24:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/theroadyoureon\/?p=17"},"modified":"2012-02-08T04:05:28","modified_gmt":"2012-02-08T04:05:28","slug":"five-rules-of-the-road-for-handling-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theroadyoureon\/2012\/01\/five-rules-of-the-road-for-handling-pain.html","title":{"rendered":"Five Rules of the Road for Handling Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Every day, headlines remind us how pain can wreak personal havoc.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cEvery person in here knows personal pain,\u201d as Newt Gingrich <a href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/politics\/newt-gingrich-slams-john-king-for-question-on-ex-wife-201\/2012\/01\/19\/gIQA7fRKCQ_video.html\">memorably said<\/a> to CNN\u2019s John King during the South Carolina debates. \u00a0\u201cEvery person in here has had someone close to them go through painful things.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Facing pain is part of the human condition.\u00a0 Here are some thoughts on how to manage:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Remember, pain caused by others is not about you.<\/strong>\u00a0 Family, friends, co-workers and others can hurt us with their behavior.\u00a0 Don\u2019t assume that the way they treat you is about who you are, what you have done or even what they think about you.\u00a0 Focus on what might be going on in their life.\u00a0 Physical, financial, or emotional stress can cause others to hurt those around them, without them even being aware of their behavior.\u00a0 Without fail, when I assume that unkind actions have resulted from some sort of trial, the assumption eventually bears out.\u00a0 The ultimate model for us is Christ\u2019s prayer from the Cross:\u00a0 \u201cFather, forgive them, for they know not what they do.\u201d\u00a0 The outward focus brings a double benefit.\u00a0 Our prayers can help them resolve their painful situation and make us focus on others, not ourselves.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Find positive, optimistic people to lean on in painful times.\u00a0 <\/strong>No man is an island.<strong>\u00a0 <\/strong>Even the proudest, most successful person must lean on others when in pain.\u00a0 Pain can bring alienation, pushing us away from friends and family. \u00a0A faith-filled person with a positive outlook can provide helpful advice and guide us away from destructive thoughts and outcomes.\u00a0 If you see no end of pain, a positive friend can say the things you cannot say yourself.\u00a0 Each of us will have our own time to allow others to lean on us.\u00a0 We can always seek to cultivate a positive, faith-filled spirit to help others in those times.\u00a0 For those who are outwardly focused, pain can drastically increase empathy for others.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Use pain to bring you closer to God<\/strong>.\u00a0 \u201cGod whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world,\u201d C.S. Lewis argued.\u00a0 Two decades after his thoughtful and dispassionate exploration of <em>The Problem of Pain<\/em>, Lewis experienced the death of his wife, Joy Davidman.\u00a0 He chronicled the gut-wrenching experience in his book, <em>A Grief Observed<\/em>, candidly revealing how Joy\u2019s death tore him apart and how he found his way back to God.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Embrace the pain that poses the big questions.<\/strong>\u00a0 Pain strips us.\u00a0 It demands we learn what matters to us at our deepest core.\u00a0 Christopher Hitchens\u2019 memoir, <em>Hitch-22<\/em>, recounted not only his amazing experiences, career and connections, but also his most intimately painful moments.\u00a0 The atheist concludes that our suffering has no greater meaning.\u00a0 A person of faith rejects this atheist dogma, instead pondering questions such as, \u201cWhy am I in this pain?\u201d \u201cAm I loved?\u201d and \u201cDoes my suffering have meaning?\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Take steps to improve the things you can.\u00a0 <\/strong>Find ways to improve your health and attitude.\u00a0 Add exercise to help your mind and body.\u00a0 Add prayer and meditation to help your spirit.\u00a0 For multitaskers, pray while exercising!\u00a0 Play a team sport if you enjoy the company.\u00a0 If you\u2019re too competitive to risk losing, find a challenging physical activity with opportunities for concentration and success, like setting a new personal record for consecutive foul shots.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Pain need not incapacitate us.\u00a0 Follow these rules of the road to guide you to a new place.\u00a0 We can grow from our pain, and our experience can help others.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every day, headlines remind us how pain can wreak personal havoc. \u201cEvery person in here knows personal pain,\u201d as Newt Gingrich memorably said to CNN\u2019s John King during the South Carolina debates. \u00a0\u201cEvery person in here has had someone close to them go through painful things.\u201d Facing pain is part of the human condition.\u00a0 Here&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":448,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[8,10,9,7],"class_list":["post-17","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-c-s-lewis","tag-christopher-hitchens","tag-newt-gingrich","tag-pain"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - 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