MAY<\/em><\/p>\n
May is the month of the goddess, the Great Creatrix and all other mothers. The mothers of children, mothers of invention, mothers of causes, mothers of endeavors, mothers of one\u2019s Self.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
\nMy maternal Grandmother died at 80. This was pretty old in her day. My mother died just short of her 80th birthday, which pains me to this day. She was not old. She did not look or act old. But she felt old. She lost interest in what had always pleased and sustained her, and thought that she was too old to pursue other interests. Really, she just gave up. I shouldn\u2019t say, \u201cjust.\u201d She did have cancer. But she gave up caring.<\/p>\n
The Great Depression had robbed her of the college education that she craved. Once she became a mother and then a divorced woman with two kids to raise and no child support, she was too busy to think about developing her own passions. And by the time my brother and I were off on our own, she had gotten out of the habit of aspiring for inner growth. She did take a painting class once and when she had finished decorating her apartment, she quit.<\/p>\n
And that is how she died. She quit. She simply quit in her spirit. She was tired and she gave in. On her deathbed, she felt her regrets. How incredibly sad to hear a really smart, successful, independent, dynamic woman bemoan the fact that she had not done this, that or the other thing that she had wanted to do.<\/p>\n
My mother was a great role model for me in a great many ways, both positive and negative. Her midlife reinvention for herself was an inspiration to me that contributed to the formation of the Queen archetype for mature women. She was an extraordinary Queen in her middle age. Exemplary.<\/p>\n
But I think that she thought that she had to give up her crown in old age. She saw nothing appealing about being a Crone. She hated her aging body and considered it a traitor. Nothing seemed to peak her enthusiasm. She worried about being debilitated and dependent. She did not seek, recognize or value the gifts, the huge benefits of enhanced self-awareness and esteem presented to us during the aging process.<\/p>\n
This is one debilitating attitude that I do not wish to emulate. My resistance to identifying myself as a Crone, while still in my middle years is not born of a fear of aging \u2014 especially considering the alternative. I am not afraid of aging. I am afraid of not aging! As Woody Allen put it, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be immortal through my work. I want to be immortal through not dying.\u201d<\/p>\n
I have absolutely every intention of being a very, very old woman. hopefully, the oldest woman who ever lived! My goal is to reach 100 years of wise age \u2014 with the caveat that I want to know that I am 100!<\/p>\n
I absolutely want to be a Crone. Just not yet.<\/p>\n
Actually, I look forward to my tenure as a delightfully outrageous, brazenly courageous Crone, living her golden years to the hilt. And believe me, I practice daily to achieve that romantic and ambitious end.<\/p>\n
When I grow up to be a Crone, I want to be a Grandma Moses, a Louise Nevelson, a Georgia O\u2019Keefe, a Martha Graham, a Mother Teresa, a Maria Sabina or a Delaney sister \u2014 a truly stellar elder whose visionary influence extends far into the future. A wise and wooly sage who is wholly engaged.<\/p>\n
But for now and the foreseeable future, I glory in my Queendom. I do plan to move on someday, probably in my 70s, to the august domain of the Empress Crone. And you better believe that I will be taking my crown with me.<\/p>\n
With best blessings for a long and well-lived life,<\/p>\n
xxQMD
\n***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n