{"id":2450,"date":"2018-02-09T15:53:21","date_gmt":"2018-02-09T20:53:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=2450"},"modified":"2018-02-09T15:54:02","modified_gmt":"2018-02-09T20:54:02","slug":"love-affair-self-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html","title":{"rendered":"Have A Love Affair With Your Self"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

FEBRUARY<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0Is when we celebrate love. It is an ideal time to think about loving and caring for ourselves, which is where all love and nurturing comes from. We can\u2019t say, \u201cI love you\u201d unless we can say, \u201cI\u201d!<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\n

We have been sold a Hollywood bill of goods when it comes to romance. You know, how the handsome and suave leading man always knows exactly what to say — just the right things at the right time in the right tone \u2014 to make his lady love swoon.<\/p>\n

Well, the truth is that someone directs this Prince Charming incarnate. And someone \u2013 often a woman — writes his lines for him. Lines she, no doubt, would love to hear. Wouldn\u2019t we all?<\/p>\n

What is more passionately romantic than a lover gazing deep into your eyes and reading the feelings and desires of your true being? This is the fantasy of an ideal lover who knows the truths of your soul and who knows exactly how to satisfy you in every way.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, most of us are not mind readers. It is so important to be able to ask for what we want rather than challenge our lover to intuit our feelings. Expecting someone else to know instinctively what we desire and what we need in any moment is very unfair and doomed to disappoint.<\/p>\n

It is our job to know what we want and what we like, and it is<\/p>\n

completely up to us to articulate our needs in such a way as to give them every chance of being met.<\/p>\n

When I consult with the couples whose weddings I will officiate, I always urge them to include in their vows not only what they promise to bring to each other and the marriage, but also to ask for what they want to receive.<\/p>\n

Taking the responsibility for our own happiness and fulfillment is a great gift to give a lover who, presumably wants to please and satisfy us\u00a0 \u2014 or else why would we want to be with him\/her anyway?<\/p>\n

All those perfect words of comfort and devotion that we long to hear? We can say them to ourselves. Say them with feeling and meaning. We can show ourselves the attention and affection that we all crave \u2014 that we lavish on others, but never think to give to ourselves.<\/p>\n

There is only one person in the world guaranteed to stay by our side until the day we die and that is us. So we better learn how to understand, nurture, love, honor and cherish ourselves so that we may know how to cherish and be cherished by another with no guessing games and no pressure.<\/p>\n

Our primary love relationship has to be with ourselves. Someone once said, \u201cIn order to say \u2018I love you,\u2019 you have to be able to say \u2018I.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

When we take the time know our Self intimately and embrace all the parts of our being \u2014 body, mind, heart and spirit \u2014 whole-heartedly, unconditionally, with compassion and no judgment attached, we can be a sovereign lover \u2014 not dependant and not beholden. How glorious would that be?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FEBRUARY \u00a0Is when we celebrate love. It is an ideal time to think about loving and caring for ourselves, which is where all love and nurturing comes from. We can\u2019t say, \u201cI love you\u201d unless we can say, \u201cI\u201d! We have been sold a Hollywood bill of goods when it comes to romance. You know,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":218,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,7],"tags":[103,40,59,81,13,57,44,43,68],"class_list":["post-2450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration","category-self-esteem","tag-compassion","tag-empowerment-2","tag-healing","tag-heart","tag-holistic-living","tag-self-approval","tag-self-confidence","tag-self-esteem-2","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"\nHave A Love Affair With Your Self - The Queen of My Self<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Have A Love Affair With Your Self - The Queen of My Self\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"FEBRUARY \u00a0Is when we celebrate love. It is an ideal time to think about loving and caring for ourselves, which is where all love and nurturing comes from. We can\u2019t say, \u201cI love you\u201d unless we can say, \u201cI\u201d! We have been sold a Hollywood bill of goods when it comes to romance. You know,…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Queen of My Self\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-02-09T20:53:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-02-09T20:54:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Donna Henes\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Have A Love Affair With Your Self - The Queen of My Self","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Have A Love Affair With Your Self - The Queen of My Self","og_description":"FEBRUARY \u00a0Is when we celebrate love. It is an ideal time to think about loving and caring for ourselves, which is where all love and nurturing comes from. We can\u2019t say, \u201cI love you\u201d unless we can say, \u201cI\u201d! We have been sold a Hollywood bill of goods when it comes to romance. You know,…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html","og_site_name":"The Queen of My Self","article_published_time":"2018-02-09T20:53:21+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-02-09T20:54:02+00:00","author":"Donna Henes","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html","name":"Have A Love Affair With Your Self - The Queen of My Self","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#website"},"datePublished":"2018-02-09T20:53:21+00:00","dateModified":"2018-02-09T20:54:02+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/544e888db264d2e1c6e32fd2f80c031a"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2018\/02\/love-affair-self-4.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Have A Love Affair With Your Self"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/","name":"The Queen of My Self","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Donna Henes","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/544e888db264d2e1c6e32fd2f80c031a","name":"Donna Henes","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0c6\/0c683cd428803d35cf10fae85f8125ebx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0c6\/0c683cd428803d35cf10fae85f8125ebx96.jpg","caption":"Donna Henes"},"description":"Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.thequeenofmyself.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/author\/dhenes"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/218"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2450"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2452,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2450\/revisions\/2452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}