{"id":2235,"date":"2017-04-19T06:00:46","date_gmt":"2017-04-19T10:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=2235"},"modified":"2017-04-14T14:56:53","modified_gmt":"2017-04-14T18:56:53","slug":"self-love-cleanse-loving-inner-mean-girl","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2017\/04\/self-love-cleanse-loving-inner-mean-girl.html","title":{"rendered":"Self-Love Cleanse: Loving the Inner Mean Girl"},"content":{"rendered":"

Here is some wisdom about learning to love your Self that was written by a junior at Mills College. Bless her heart for trying to learn at such a tender age what many women are still struggling with in their mature years.<\/p>\n

By Tymeesa Rutledge<\/em><\/p>\n

This post will discuss the importance of having the relationship with oneself. A self-love journey is about loving myself for all of the insecurities and flaws I have.<\/p>\n

I never thought about my negative voice being my \u201cinner mean girl.\u201d But, that\u2019s definitely what she is. A total mean girl! She constantly tells me I won\u2019t finish my homework on time, that I\u2019ll never have a \u201cgood boyfriend\u201d or be a \u201cgood friend\u201d because I didn\u2019t deserve any of it.<\/p>\n

While all of us has an inner mean girl, the manifestation is a little different for everyone. Sometimes there are \u201cinner mean sisters\u201d thriving inside you \u2014 six of them in total. Maybe you have the mean girl that tells you \u201cYou got an \u2018A-\u2019 when you should have gotten an \u2018A.\u2019\u201d Christine likes to call her the \u201cachievement junkie\u201d because nothing she ever achieves is good enough.<\/p>\n

Or, maybe she or her sister\u2019s the \u201ccomparison queen.\u201d You know, that mean girl that tells you \u201cYou\u2019ve been on television when you were 21. Big deal! Oprah has been on television since she was only 20.\u201d<\/p>\n

Whatever your inner mean girl says to you, her words come from a place of past hurt. Maybe, like me, you\u2019ve been disappointed in past relationships with ex-partners. Maybe you\u2019re still carrying baggage that needs to be dropped off at your local UPS storage that you can come and visit whenever you like versus being the hoarding \u201cbag lady.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you have any of these mean girls or their sisters Judy Jealousy, Heather the Hater, etc., you can join me in the Self-Love Cleanse.<\/p>\n

The Self-Love Cleanse is a 40-day journey in which you commit yourself to loving YOU.<\/p>\n

When my inner mean girl says \u201cTymeesa, you\u2019ll never do that\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re not organized enough,\u201d I tell her that I love her and ask myself \u201cWhat am I afraid of?\u201d The Self-Love Cleanse is a personalized journey. You can choose and make up whatever works for you.<\/p>\n

Like I mentioned earlier, I\u2019ve been disappointed many times in my life by family, friends, boyfriends \u2014 you name it! But, my inner mean girl doesn\u2019t want me to get hurt again. As a defense mechanism, she says mean things out of fear or insecurity. I understand where she is coming from. So instead of hating her, I will love her.<\/p>\n

The self-love cleanse can be done for yourself as well. It\u2019s a daily battle. It\u2019s moment by moment. Situation by situation, girl.<\/p>\n

Self-Love Cleanse: 10 Things to Do for the Next 40 Days<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Write 108 things that you like about yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
    1. Start your morning with gratitude. Look out the window and admire nature.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
        \n
      1. Talk to her (the inner self) in the morning. Tell her that you love her. Then, take that inner pause.\u00a0For the last week, I\u2019ve been saying \u201cI love you Tymeesa\u201d three times every morning.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
          \n
        1. When people compliment you, accept the compliment and build a conversation around it. Really receive it! You\u2019re not a bad person acknowledging that you\u2019re cool.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
            \n
          1. Appreciate all of the things you have \u2013- whether it\u2019s your friendships, food, water, shelter, etc.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
              \n
            1. Drink a cup of tea to relax your soul in the morning. Tea really relaxes me so I start my day in a good state.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                \n
              1. I write a morning prayer in my journal and thank God for what he\u2019s done for me. If you pray or meditate, take the word \u201cmore\u201d out of it.\u00a0For example: Instead of asking \u201cGod, let me be more loving,\u201d ask God to continue to allow you \u201cto be loving.\u201d You are accepting yourself as you are right now.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                  \n
                1. During the day \u2014 lunch, mid-day or afternoon \u2014 celebrate 3-5 things that you\u2019ve done so far. You will be surprised at how much you accomplish.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                    \n
                  1. Be present.\u00a0I have a problem with this one because I\u2019m always thinking in the past or future. But, I have to appreciate the moment. Why? If your mindset is in the past, you\u2019ll be overcome with regret and if you\u2019re thinking too much about the future, anxiety will consume you.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
                      \n
                    1. Because those are not positive feelings, you should let them go!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

                      Good luck.<\/p>\n

                      * ***
                      \nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

                      The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

                       <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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