{"id":2017,"date":"2016-04-25T06:00:38","date_gmt":"2016-04-25T10:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=2017"},"modified":"2016-04-15T17:52:39","modified_gmt":"2016-04-15T21:52:39","slug":"all-praise-the-women-of-menopause","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2016\/04\/all-praise-the-women-of-menopause.html","title":{"rendered":"All Praise the Women of Menopause – Part I"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Sharon Mesmer<\/em><\/p>\n

For some women, menopause is no big deal. Some say they barely notice it. My mother, long ago, described her menopause this way: \u201cMy periods just started gettin\u2019 lighter and lighter, and my harmones <\/em>settled down, and then one day \u2026 pfft! It was over.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not me. Not only did menopause change my life, it changed me.<\/p>\n

Before I was laid low by hot flashes, panic-inducing adrenaline rushes and the constant oscillation between morbid sadness and killer rage, I\u2019d prided myself on being fearless. I\u2019d screamed obscenities at the masochistic nuns at my Catholic school, kicked undercover cops in the groin and once threw a chair at my abusive fianc\u00e9\u2019s head while Allen Ginsberg read poetry in a room below.<\/p>\n

And suddenly, I was a person to whom sitting quietly with hands folded, ideally in a dark room with the shades drawn and maybe \u201cThe Lawrence Welk Show\u201d playing low on an old TV, seemed like the best plan ever.<\/p>\n

I wish I\u2019d been better prepared. I wish I\u2019d properly celebrated the last time I\u2019d canceled plans to spend all morning soaking in a lavender-scented bathtub with a bottle of Advil. I wish I\u2019d noted down the date when I\u2019d dug that last extra tampon out of the bottom of my purse and thrown it away. I should have marked the event in some way, maybe even performed a personal rite-of-passage ritual: taken that tampon out to the woods, placed it upon an altar that I\u2019d fashioned out of ancient glacial rocks, and set it ablaze while I chanted an invocation to whoever the crone-goddess of menopause is.<\/p>\n

I am now well acquainted with that goddess.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s possible that I have the World\u2019s Worst Menopause. But how to quantify with hard data hot flashes that make me feel like I\u2019m staring into the mouth of an active volcano or the engine of a coal-burning locomotive on the hottest day in history? To what previous record could I compare panic-inducing adrenaline rushes that occur every hour on the hour and, while I\u2019m teaching, inspire concerned students to ask if I\u2019m having a heart attack? When I hear women use cutesy nicknames like \u201cpower surges\u201d I want to rip their throats out.<\/p>\n

If you are one of those women for whom the transition from periods to no periods was like the transition from walking to sitting down \u2014 congratulations. Everybody else: You are my tribe. And I\u2019ve come to believe that our tribe needs a ritual.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve heard menopause described as a second puberty. There are plenty of rites-of-passage for girls as they begin and complete puberty. There\u2019s the bat mitzvah, the quincea\u00f1era and the Sweet 16. I\u2019ve read about a beautiful Apache ceremony called Na\u2019ii\u2019ees, which usually takes place the summer after a girl has her first period and commemorates the story of Esdzanadehe, the first woman. It originally lasted a few days, during which a girl, covered with a golden mixture of cornmeal and clay, became imbued with the power of the first woman and received the ability to heal and bring blessings to her community.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t have a Sweet 16 or a bat mitzvah. But I did have a First Holy Communion, which supposedly marked my ascent to the age of reason, as a 7-year-old. As rituals go, it was a good one.<\/p>\n

Coming Wednesday, Part II<\/p>\n

* ***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Sharon Mesmer For some women, menopause is no big deal. Some say they barely notice it. My mother, long ago, described her menopause this way: \u201cMy periods just started gettin\u2019 lighter and lighter, and my harmones settled down, and then one day \u2026 pfft! It was over.\u201d Not me. 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