{"id":1931,"date":"2015-12-16T06:00:22","date_gmt":"2015-12-16T11:00:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=1931"},"modified":"2015-12-04T15:03:06","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T20:03:06","slug":"my-own-midlife-crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/12\/my-own-midlife-crisis.html","title":{"rendered":"My Own Midlife Crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Susan Tolles<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

I can still remember the day when it hit\u2014who was I, and where on earth was I headed? I was sitting at my computer, exploring such sites as Monster.com, CareerBuilder.com and Craigslist, looking for a job that would fit my skills, satisfy my need to be productive and afford me the schedule I really wanted. My \u201cprevious life\u201d included accounting and marketing, but those jobs just didn\u2019t seem realistic, or fun, at this stage of my life. Bottom line: I was terrified. Who on earth would even look at my resume\u2019? How would the \u201crich life experiences\u201d I\u2019d had over the past 25 years look when comparing me to someone who was younger, had more current skills, and had a better memory than mine? Did being a woman over 50 signal the end of living a fulfilling life?<\/p>\n

I was facing the mortality of my own identity as I\u2019d clung to it for so many years. My youngest would soon be leaving for college, was a \u201cmiddle aged woman,\u201d just celebrating my 50th birthday, and I was dreading the empty nest. I had just returned from my first visit to Italy, and had fallen in love with the pottery and art, and was sure that I could have fun and make a profit with my own retail venture selling Italian imports. As I was talking about my desire to be an entrepreneur, I was approached by a friend to join her and another of her friends in a business partnership. I won\u2019t go in to the details, but less than two years later that partnership was dissolved with hard lessons learned. As painful as the breakup was, it was also a great experience to build on as I looked ahead to what I might do in the future.<\/p>\n

What I did realize through that process is that I am a risk-taker, and not the introvert I\u2019d always believed I was. Yes, I scored in the \u201cextreme\u201d range in several personality tests over the years, preferring to work behind the scenes, feeling nervous in social settings and not bothered at all by being alone. What this first step in to the world of entrepreneurship taught me is that I have a set of gifts that I need to use\u2013 I am a great people-person, writer and connector with a true servant\u2019s heart. I learned about the world of \u201cnetworking,\u201d and found that going to luncheons with other women was actually energizing instead of frightening, and also a necessary part of building a business. I found a new confidence in myself, knowing that my intuition would take me in the right direction as I embraced the freedom to move on alone when others were holding me back.<\/p>\n

There is a real fear when you reach a point in your life and realize that you don\u2019t know who you are any more, or you don\u2019t have any idea where you are headed over the next few decades. I am blessed to have been married for 32 years, so have never had to experience the enormous loss that divorce brings. As a stay-at-home mom, I don\u2019t know what it is like to get burned out after working at the same job for 20 years. But I do know what it is like to be afraid of the future as a midlife woman, to fight the image of the \u201cwoman over 50\u201d portrayed by the media, and to feel totally overwhelmed about taking that first step out into the unknown.<\/p>\n

If we were chatting over a glass of wine, I would tell you, \u201cDream big and step out on faith.\u201d Yes, there will be times when you are scared and unsure, but you, too, have a set of unique gifts and core passions that make you a valuable asset to many. Push yourself, get out and meet new people, and be creative. Don\u2019t allow limiting beliefs to take over, but instead turn your \u201cWhat if I don\u2019t\u201d thoughts into \u201cWhat if I do!\u201d If you take small steps, your self-confidence will grow as you conquer your own midlife crisis. And be sure to surround yourself with a group of girlfriends who will support you along the way! I\u2019d love to join you on your journey.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* ***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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