{"id":1884,"date":"2015-09-30T06:00:55","date_gmt":"2015-09-30T10:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=1884"},"modified":"2015-09-28T17:56:24","modified_gmt":"2015-09-28T21:56:24","slug":"aging-gratefully","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html","title":{"rendered":"Aging Gratefully"},"content":{"rendered":"

What if “aging gracefully” isn’t your style?<\/strong>.\u00a0<\/strong>(And how to discover what is.)
\n<\/strong>By Wendi Knox<\/em>
\nDon’t get me wrong.<\/p>\n

“Aging\u00a0gracefully”\u00a0is lovely. In a quiet, refined, elegant kind of way.<\/p>\n

Which is great,\u00a0if that’s\u00a0“You.”<\/p>\n

But it’s definitely\u00a0not “Me.”<\/p>\n

I was\u00a0never\u00a0particularly graceful when I was younger. So, why would I suddenly become that way as I\u00a0age?<\/p>\n

To me, the term “aging gracefully” feels like\u00a0a cultural corset that holds women\u00a0to one tight standard.<\/p>\n

I’d prefer to\u00a0age\u00a0gratefully.\u00a0<\/em>\u00a0To have reverence for the truth of who I am and all the changes that are taking place within and around me.<\/p>\n

I intend to age exuberantly. Colorfully. Creatively. Bravely.\u00a0Boldly. Healthfully. Honestly. And unapologetically.<\/p>\n

As someone who’s risen up from the muck of self-doubt and fear, I’m trying to \u00a0re-train\u00a0my brain to celebrate the wisdom,confidence and self-love that I’ve worked like hell all these years to attain (with the therapy bills to prove it).<\/p>\n

Older women in our society often\u00a0complain about\u00a0feeling\u00a0invisible. But I wonder if that’s because we don’t see\u00a0our own value.<\/em><\/p>\n

What if, instead of\u00a0zeroing in on\u00a0the wrinkles under our eyes, we started appreciating\u00a0the\u00a0light within them?<\/p>\n

What\u00a0if, in choosing \u00a0to\u00a0honor our experience, our wisdom\u00a0and our gifts, the outside world rises up to meet our inside world?<\/p>\n

What if, instead of just\u00a0looking\u00a0out there<\/em>\u00a0for\u00a0anti-<\/em>aging foods, supplements,\u00a0lotions, potions and treatments, \u00a0we started cultivating a\u00a0pro-<\/em>aging mindset\u00a0within<\/em>?<\/p>\n

But how?<\/p>\n

Well, I’m glad you asked:<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Find an aging role model.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Years ago, I\u00a0was\u00a0at a bridal\u00a0shower, seated across from the most captivating woman ever.\u00a0I was close to thirty and she was well into her seventies.<\/p>\n

Yet,\u00a0there was no one in that room I’d rather talk to.<\/p>\n

I don’t remember her name but I’ll never forget her sparkling blue eyes, her infectious\u00a0laugh, her joyous energy, her mesmerizing confidence and her\u00a0boundless\u00a0curiosity.<\/p>\n

I made a mental note, over thirty years ago, that “I want to be like her someday.”<\/p>\n

They say that “energy flows where attention goes.”<\/p>\n

So,\u00a0I say, stop focusing on\u00a0old Mrs. So-and-So who’s old before her time.<\/p>\n

And go out and find\u00a0yourself an ageless, cageless muse\u00a0who inspires you to see\u00a0getting older as a\u00a0privilege.\u00a0Not a curse.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Age consciously. And you-niquely.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Instead of fearing that you’ll become a “victim of age,” why not set an intention to flourish in your own way?<\/p>\n

Intentions are powerful things. They become the foundation of the lives we create.<\/p>\n

Start by taking\u00a0\u00a0a moment to close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths into your heart.<\/p>\n

Now, imagine, in your mind’s eye, how you hope\u00a0to look, live and feel 10 or 20 years from now.<\/p>\n

Just like I did in the beginning of this post,\u00a0name and claim those qualities that you want to embody in your later years.<\/p>\n

If the word\u00a0“graceful”\u00a0\u00a0resonates with you, then by all means, choose to\u00a0age gracefully.<\/em><\/p>\n

If not, give yourself permission to\u00a0age any damn way you please.<\/em><\/p>\n

Simply write\u00a0on a piece of paper:\u00a0“I intend to age vibrantly, victoriously,\u00a0loudly, lovingly,\u00a0or ________ (whatever speaks to your heart).<\/p>\n

It’s especially powerful to read your intentions aloud to someone and\/or to burn them outside in the moonlight.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Be a\u00a0dragonfly.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Did you know that dragonflies spend most of their lives stuck in the muck at\u00a0the bottom of a pond—up to four years?<\/p>\n

Then, one seemingly random day, they crawl out of the pond and into the sunlight. And right then and there, their glorious wings unfurl. It turns out they were growing all along.<\/p>\n

These magical\u00a0creatures remind us that no matter how stuck we’ve been in our own muck,\u00a0it’s never too late to soar.<\/em><\/p>\n

So,\u00a0what is it that you’ve always longed to do? \u00a0May today be the day you take one little step toward giving\u00a0\u00a0your heart wings.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

* ***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What if “aging gracefully” isn’t your style?.\u00a0(And how to discover what is.) By Wendi Knox Don’t get me wrong. “Aging\u00a0gracefully”\u00a0is lovely. In a quiet, refined, elegant kind of way. Which is great,\u00a0if that’s\u00a0“You.” But it’s definitely\u00a0not “Me.” I was\u00a0never\u00a0particularly graceful when I was younger. So, why would I suddenly become that way as I\u00a0age? To…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":218,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1],"tags":[397,62,81,13,188,178,39,42,18,68,60],"class_list":["post-1884","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-empowerment","tag-change","tag-courage","tag-heart","tag-holistic-living","tag-maturity","tag-older-women","tag-power","tag-powerful-women","tag-queen","tag-self-love","tag-transformation"],"yoast_head":"\nAging Gratefully - The Queen of My Self<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Aging Gratefully - The Queen of My Self\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What if “aging gracefully” isn’t your style?.\u00a0(And how to discover what is.) By Wendi Knox Don’t get me wrong. “Aging\u00a0gracefully”\u00a0is lovely. In a quiet, refined, elegant kind of way. Which is great,\u00a0if that’s\u00a0“You.” But it’s definitely\u00a0not “Me.” I was\u00a0never\u00a0particularly graceful when I was younger. So, why would I suddenly become that way as I\u00a0age? To…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Queen of My Self\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-09-30T10:00:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-09-28T21:56:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Donna Henes\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Aging Gratefully - The Queen of My Self","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Aging Gratefully - The Queen of My Self","og_description":"What if “aging gracefully” isn’t your style?.\u00a0(And how to discover what is.) By Wendi Knox Don’t get me wrong. “Aging\u00a0gracefully”\u00a0is lovely. In a quiet, refined, elegant kind of way. Which is great,\u00a0if that’s\u00a0“You.” But it’s definitely\u00a0not “Me.” I was\u00a0never\u00a0particularly graceful when I was younger. So, why would I suddenly become that way as I\u00a0age? To…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html","og_site_name":"The Queen of My Self","article_published_time":"2015-09-30T10:00:55+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-09-28T21:56:24+00:00","author":"Donna Henes","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html","name":"Aging Gratefully - The Queen of My Self","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#website"},"datePublished":"2015-09-30T10:00:55+00:00","dateModified":"2015-09-28T21:56:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/544e888db264d2e1c6e32fd2f80c031a"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/09\/aging-gratefully.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Aging Gratefully"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/","name":"The Queen of My Self","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Donna Henes","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/544e888db264d2e1c6e32fd2f80c031a","name":"Donna Henes","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0c6\/0c683cd428803d35cf10fae85f8125ebx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/0c6\/0c683cd428803d35cf10fae85f8125ebx96.jpg","caption":"Donna Henes"},"description":"Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, ritual expert, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed Ezine and writes for The Huffington Post and UPI Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.thequeenofmyself.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/author\/dhenes"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/218"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1884"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1885,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884\/revisions\/1885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}