{"id":1696,"date":"2015-03-09T06:00:30","date_gmt":"2015-03-09T10:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=1696"},"modified":"2015-03-05T13:31:38","modified_gmt":"2015-03-05T18:31:38","slug":"waking-up-at-midlife","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2015\/03\/waking-up-at-midlife.html","title":{"rendered":"Waking Up at\u00a0Midlife"},"content":{"rendered":"

By Sharon Blackie<\/a><\/p>\n

It used to be called the \u2018midlife crisis\u2019; sometime later, it became known as the \u2018midlife transition\u2019. Whatever you want to call it, it happens to us all, somewhere in the middle stages of our lives: usually in the years between forty and fifty, but sometimes a few years later. The change in terminology is helpful, though: often it isn\u2019t a crisis, because that word suggests an acute, one-off event. The midlife transition isn\u2019t an event, it\u2019s a process. It can go on and on. Just when we think we\u2019ve worked our way through it and we\u2019re out of the dark woods, bam!<\/em> \u2013 here it comes again, to make us face up to all that we had imagined we understood, but really hadn\u2019t quite grasped at all. The midlife transition takes you by the scruff of the neck, shakes you until you rattle, until don\u2019t know which way is up any more, and keeps on shaking you till you\u2019ve learned what you need to learn. If you don\u2019t fully engage with the process the first time, it\u2019ll be coming round again. You can count on that.<\/p>\n

The midlife transition is about waking up. About ripping away the veils, facing the darkness and the Shadow, as well as the light. Both can be equally scary. The midlife transition isn\u2019t easy, but then it isn\u2019t supposed to be easy. The greatest growth comes from the greatest pain, and at midlife, for better or for worse, you get to really grow. It\u2019s not an optional add-on; it\u2019s a developmental necessity. For women, if nothing else has pushed you into it, dealing with menopause surely will. And the only way through it is through it. There are no shortcuts. It\u2019s the ultimate Call. No, not a Call to Adventure \u2013 this stage of our lives is all about letting go of the requirement for that kind of thing, for activity, for doing, for plot; it\u2019s time to let go of the active, linear, all-conquering Hero\u2019s Journey terminology. Rather, it\u2019s a Call to something approximating pilgrimage<\/em>. It is a journeying, but it isn\u2019t about doing<\/em>. It isn\u2019t even about being<\/em> \u2013 it\u2019s about learning to become<\/em>. It\u2019s about learning to become what we can uniquely become. It\u2019s about finally getting our act together, in the final stages of our lives. It\u2019s about figuring out what we bring to the world, and getting on with bringing it. It\u2019s about showing up.<\/p>\n

All too often, people try to avoid the midlife transition. Why not? \u2013 it\u2019s scary, and there are no guarantees. If you follow the Call, all bets are off. And so sometimes we try to resist it. Don\u2019t bother: it\u2019ll get you one way or another. If you don\u2019t heed it the first time, that bell will keep on tolling till you do. But even if we hear the midlife wake-up Call, and even if we follow it, leap off the edge, embark on the Journey, it certainly isn\u2019t plain sailing. Growing can hurt, and if we do it properly, many things must be left behind which once we thought we treasured. The gifts are concomitantly great, but sometimes it\u2019s hard to see that for the darkness of the woods. Midlife is about letting go. About necessary lettings-go. Letting go of illusions, letting go of Shadows. Sometimes, letting go of people and places. Some people blunt the pain of new growth with alcohol or other addictions. We blunt the fear, not just because we are afraid of the dark, but because we are afraid of the light. Because we are fearful of coming into our power, especially when for so many of us \u2013 particularly if we are women \u2013 our lives have been about keeping it carefully under control. You can\u2019t get away with that at midlife. It\u2019s a time for shaking loose.<\/p>\n

* ***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Sharon Blackie It used to be called the \u2018midlife crisis\u2019; sometime later, it became known as the \u2018midlife transition\u2019. Whatever you want to call it, it happens to us all, somewhere in the middle stages of our lives: usually in the years between forty and fifty, but sometimes a few years later. 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