{"id":1418,"date":"2014-07-14T06:00:23","date_gmt":"2014-07-14T10:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/?p=1418"},"modified":"2014-07-11T15:16:46","modified_gmt":"2014-07-11T19:16:46","slug":"tips-on-how-to-breeze-through-middle-age-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2014\/07\/tips-on-how-to-breeze-through-middle-age-part-2.html","title":{"rendered":"Tips on How to Breeze Through Middle Age \u2013 PART 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

With a bit of self-love and motivation, midlife can be a time for big positive changes. Here is a bit of advice from Best Knickers Always <\/em><\/strong>by Rebecca Perkins
\n<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

We all have a choice
\n<\/strong>We always have a choice in our attitude towards a situation. If we say we don\u2019t, we become a victim of our circumstances. Choose your response to a situation and leave the role of victim to be played by others.<\/p>\n

Do something that scares you
\n<\/strong>Life in my comfort zone was OK: it was safe, easy and risk-free \u2013 but in all honesty it wasn\u2019t joyful, exciting or that enjoyable. We grow when we move out of our comfort zone, so take a risk: write that letter, go for that job. You\u2019ll feel strong and alive for that little stretch.<\/p>\n

Be opinionated
\n<\/strong>I see many women around me who are finally finding their voice in midlife, who believe what they have to say is of value. Don\u2019t be afraid of becoming more forthright and standing up for what you believe in.<\/p>\n

Be less available
\n<\/strong>People will leave a message if it\u2019s that important. We don\u2019t really need to post another comment on Facebook or reply to that text in the middle of lunch. It can be nurturing to switch off sometimes.<\/p>\n

Put together a playlist
\n<\/strong>Mine is called Best Knickers Always Kitchen Disco, and it was one of the best things I did. When I hear those feelgood songs I walk taller, I move my body and I feel more \u201cme\u201d than ever before. Play them when the blues strike \u2013 and when you\u2019re feeling on top of the world.<\/p>\n

Cultivate green fingers
\n<\/strong>Whether you have a balcony or a meadow, grow mint (for Pimms and tea), chamomile (to rub between your fingers for instant calm), lavender (for memories of hot holidays) and fragrant roses. Every time I go into my small garden I twist mint leaves between my fingers and rub chamomile into my hands. These are precious moments.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s OK to edit your friendship list
\n<\/strong>I have culled my list of friends a number of times in my life. It\u2019s OK to let some go \u2013 it\u2019s usually the ones who don\u2019t accept or welcome your growth. Friendships should be be enriching, not draining, and those that have faded become exhausting. Perhaps it\u2019s time to reassess some of your friendships and decide whether your values coincide any longer.<\/p>\n

Celebrate
\n<\/strong>Reward yourself for tiny achievements, especially during tough times. Perhaps a piece of cake and a cup of tea in the garden when a small section of work has been completed, or a few squares of chocolate for surviving a dreadful day. Don\u2019t keep celebrations for special occasions \u2013 find something to celebrate today.<\/p>\n

Have a hero or mentor
\n<\/strong>This could be a writer you admire or a relative or friend you look up to \u2013 I still miss my grandfather, the man I turned to when I doubted the big things in life. I often ask myself: \u201cWhat would Pa say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Walk barefoot whenever you can
\n<\/strong>Being in contact with the earth, sand, grass, wood \u2013 even carpet \u2013 connects you with your surroundings. Consciously planting your feet directly on the ground gives balance and stability, which you feel mentally as well as physically.<\/p>\n

Tackle a fear head-on
\n<\/strong>I used to feel physically sick when I thought about looking at my bank statements, which were always left in a pile on the kitchen table. But when I became a single parent I needed to take responsibility so I faced it head-on. Now I open my post and check my finances online \u2013 and my life is less stressful as a result.<\/p>\n

Cultivate friendships
\n<\/strong>Women thrive with girlfriends. We share, we support, we give. I know that my journey these past few years has been made bearable because of their unconditional support. Who are the friends you could call at 3am?<\/p>\n

Surprise yourself
\n<\/strong>What could you do that\u2019s a little different and out of character? Learn a musical instrument or the samba? Volunteer for something you\u2019re passionate about? I still haven\u2019t ruled out a tattoo. What would you like to do?<\/p>\n

Travel solo
\n<\/strong>Visit friends alone: the sheer joy of browsing the airport or railway shops and enjoying a quiet coffee is nothing short of sublime after so many years spent as a parent, organizing passports and standing at check-ins with children. It is incredible to be without a schedule, to be able to marvel at your surroundings and spend time in complete silence, just listening.<\/p>\n

Every cloud has a silver lining
\n<\/strong>You hear people say that a serious illness was the best thing that happened to them, once they\u2019ve recovered, or that a divorce, however painful, turned out to be a good thing. Whatever happens to you, believe in silver linings: the sun always follows the rain.<\/p>\n

Have big dreams
\n<\/strong>Don\u2019t let anyone tell you that you\u2019re too old. Write down your wildest dreams \u2013 you\u2019ll be amazed at what you draw into your life by doing so. Even the biggest dreams begin with one step. Be clear about your goals, write them down and have a plan. As George Eliot wrote, \u201cIt\u2019s never too late to be what you might have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em><\/strong>* ***
\nDonna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife<\/em>.<\/a> She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE\u2122<\/a><\/p>\n

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With a bit of self-love and motivation, midlife can be a time for big positive changes. Here is a bit of advice from Best Knickers Always by Rebecca Perkins \u00a0 We all have a choice We always have a choice in our attitude towards a situation. If we say we don\u2019t, we become a victim…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":218,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,1,2,5,7,11,3],"tags":[190,40,13,440,188,44,43,68,60],"class_list":["post-1418","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","category-empowerment","category-inspiration","category-midlife","category-self-esteem","category-wisdom","category-womens-issues","tag-celebrate","tag-empowerment-2","tag-holistic-living","tag-life","tag-maturity","tag-self-confidence","tag-self-esteem-2","tag-self-love","tag-transformation"],"yoast_head":"\nTips on How to Breeze Through Middle Age \u2013 PART 2 - The Queen of My Self<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thequeenofmyself\/2014\/07\/tips-on-how-to-breeze-through-middle-age-part-2.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Tips on How to Breeze Through Middle Age \u2013 PART 2 - The Queen of My Self\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"With a bit of self-love and motivation, midlife can be a time for big positive changes. 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