{"id":136,"date":"2019-04-19T05:08:34","date_gmt":"2019-04-19T05:08:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/?p=136"},"modified":"2019-04-19T05:11:53","modified_gmt":"2019-04-19T05:11:53","slug":"why-dont-we-do-the-things-we-know-are-good-for-us","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/2019\/04\/why-dont-we-do-the-things-we-know-are-good-for-us.html","title":{"rendered":"Why Don’t We Do the Things We Know Are Good for Us?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mark Twain was a keen observer of human nature \u2013 making him a great storyteller, a folksy philosopher, and a moralist for modern times. As we launch into Spring\u00a0with our intentions for new growth and new possibilities, I\u2019m reminded of Twain\u2019s quote: \u201cTo promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Twain wasn\u2019t the first to point this out. St. Paul wrote about the same paradox: \u201cI don\u2019t understand myself. I want to do what is right but I do not do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate \u2026 It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what\u2019s right, I inevitably do what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/em> (Romans 7:15)<\/p>\n

What IS it with us humans? Why do we act so contrary to our own self-interest \u2026 and so often?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Our problem isn\u2019t lack of information. Bookstores are stocked with countless books about how to eat less and exercise more; dozens of experts advise us to save and invest our money; wise friends warn us to stay away from troublesome lovers. We have plenty of information on getting rid of clutter, managing time, taking care of our bodies, managing our finances, fulfilling our career dreams. But all this information doesn\u2019t change our behavior. We know what to do but we still don’t do it.<\/p>\n

In fact, sometimes we do just the opposite of what we know is good for us! We overeat and under-exercise; we spend every last nickel (or more); we pick the wrong partners to fall in love with (again and again). We buy stuff we don\u2019t need, procrastinate and fritter away time, neglect our bodies, mismanage our money, and bail out on ourselves in countless ways. If anyone else treated us the way we treat ourselves, we\u2019d be outraged!<\/p>\n

Why don\u2019t we do the things we know are good for us? And what can we do to change it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Therapist and author Dr. Pat Allen says, \u201cThe only way you know you love yourself \u2013 or anyone else \u2013 is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep.\u201d I know this sounds like a clich\u00e9, but one of the main reasons we don\u2019t take good care of ourselves is that we don\u2019t love ourselves. Heck, sometimes we don\u2019t even like<\/em> ourselves!<\/p>\n

We are our own worst critics \u2013 berating ourselves for flaws and foibles. Who among us is not haunted by our failings and mistakes? The seven deadly sins of lust, greed, gluttony, sloth, envy, anger and pride are alive and well in all of us \u2013 along with fear, resentment, pettiness, gossip, and all the rest. It\u2019s hard to love ourselves when we’re all-too-aware of our dark sides.<\/p>\n

Another reason we also have difficulty acting in our own best interest is because immediate pleasure exerts a stronger influence than concern for long-term health. Chocolate now<\/em>\u00a0is more appealing than weight loss later.<\/em> A purchase today\u00a0<\/em>feels more pleasurable than a savings account balance at the end of the month. We Americans, in particular, have difficulty in delaying gratification. We want what we want when we want it \u2013 NOW.<\/p>\n

Additional factors influence our self-care practices: gender issues (women are socialized to put everyone else first); religious traditions (self-sacrifice is seen as a virtue in many religions); family history and lack of good role models also play an important role in shaping our own choices and habits. In short, there is no one reason why we don\u2019t do what\u2019s good for us \u2013 there are many reasons.<\/p>\n

So, what\u2019s the solution?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Changing a habit is simple \u2013 but not easy. Here are a few ideas to get you started:<\/p>\n

Re-train yourself with love.<\/strong> When I adopted my first dog a few years ago, a friend advised me about training. \u201cDogs respond best to training with love,\u201d he said, \u201c\u2026 just like people.\u201d Wise advice. Teaching ourselves new habits works best with it\u2019s done lovingly.<\/p>\n

Drop \u201cshould\u201d and \u201cought\u201d from your vocabulary.<\/strong> \u201cShould\u201d and \u201cought\u201d are moralistic, negative words \u2013 certain to demotivate you. Instead of \u201cshould\u201d and \u201cought,\u201d try using \u201cwant.\u201d It\u2019s a positive word \u2013 more likely to get good results. Example: Instead of, \u201cI should lose weight,\u201d say \u201cI want<\/em> to be fit and trim.\u201d \u00a0See the difference?<\/p>\n

KISS: Keep It Small and Simple.<\/strong> Set yourself up to succeed \u2013 set small, achievable goals. Ask yourself, \u201cWhat three simple things could I do today that would make a positive difference in my life?\u201d Wash your car; clean out one drawer, try fruit instead of candy for snacks, take a walk at lunch. You\u2019ll be surprised at how small changes can make a big difference.<\/p>\n

No one can do it for you, but you can\u2019t do it alone.<\/strong> Ask for help. Get an action buddy, an exercise pal, or someone to keep you company doing things you don\u2019t like to do. Consider hiring a personal trainer, a life coach, a professional organizer, a therapist \u2013 someone to help you keep your commitments to yourself.<\/p>\n

Success is about progress, not perfection.<\/strong> As long as you\u2019re moving in the direction you desire, you\u2019re successful. Give yourself credit; pat yourself on the back; acknowledge the changes you\u2019re making, even if they\u2019re tiny changes. Catch yourself doing something right …\u00a0or approximately right.<\/p>\n

As Mark Twain wisely pointed out: \u201cA habit cannot be tossed out the window. It must be coaxed down the stairs one step at a time.\u201d\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\""Why<\/a>
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Mark Twain was a keen observer of human nature \u2013 making him a great storyteller, a folksy philosopher, and a moralist for modern times. As we launch into Spring\u00a0with our intentions for new growth and new possibilities, I\u2019m reminded of Twain\u2019s quote: \u201cTo promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":434,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[143,114,142,104,63,144,115],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-fitness","tag-health","tag-motivation","tag-self-care","tag-self-talk","tag-vitality","tag-wellbeing"],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Don't We Do the Things We Know Are Good for Us? - The Power of Positive Doing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What IS it with us humans? 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