{"id":116,"date":"2019-03-23T01:20:38","date_gmt":"2019-03-23T01:20:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/?p=116"},"modified":"2019-03-23T01:20:38","modified_gmt":"2019-03-23T01:20:38","slug":"retirement-isnt-for-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/2019\/03\/retirement-isnt-for-me.html","title":{"rendered":"Retirement Isn’t for Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

For many years, I had a poster of Mother Teresa that read, \u201cUnless life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile.\u201d The holy woman from Calcutta was \u2013 and still is \u2013 someone whose life and work I admire greatly. I do my best to live according to her wise words, though I fall far short of her saintly standard.<\/p>\n

Her words came back to me recently when I read a short blog post, \u201cMarriage Isn\u2019t for You\u201d by Seth Adam Smith. The title came from wise words given to him by his father when Seth expressed some anxiety about getting married. In essence, his father told him to stop worrying about what he was going to get out of marriage and instead focus on what he planned to give to his marriage.<\/p>\n

\u201cSeth, you\u2019re being totally selfish,\u201d the elder Smith counseled his son. \u201cSo I\u2019m going to make this really simple: marriage isn\u2019t for you. You don\u2019t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, marriage isn\u2019t for yourself, you\u2019re marrying for a family. \u2026 Marriage isn\u2019t for you. It\u2019s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

I love that. Seth is blessed indeed to have such a wise dad. This is wisdom for the ages, echoed throughout history by many wise men and women.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe purpose of life is not to be happy,\u201d wrote poet, essayist, and lecturer Ralph Waldo Emerson. \u201cIt is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have some difference that you have lived and lived well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in service of others,\u201d wrote India\u2019s spiritual and political leader Mahatma Gandhi.<\/p>\n

\u201cService to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth,\u201d said famed boxing legend Mohammed Ali.<\/p>\n

First Lady and humanitarian Eleanor Roosevelt explained: \u201cSince you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.\u201d<\/p>\n

Preacher and inspirational author Norman Vincent Peale went further: \u201cWhen you become detached mentally from yourself and concentrate on helping other people with their difficulties, you will be able to cope with your own more effectively. Somehow, the act of self-giving is a personal power-releasing factor.\u201d<\/p>\n

The venerable Dalia Lama adds his voice to the universal chorus of service: \u201cOur prime purpose in this life is to help others.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perhaps preacher and civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. said it best: \u201cLife\u2019s most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?\u201d<\/p>\n

Today, with nearly seven decades behind me, I peer ahead into the last chapter of my life and wonder, \u201cWhat\u2019s next? How do I want to spend my final two decades?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The one thing I know for sure is that retirement isn\u2019t for me. Old age isn\u2019t for me. Unless my life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile. Bengali poet and Nobel Laureate Rabindranath Tagore said it best: “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”<\/p>\n

I want my old age to be about giving, not getting. Retirement isn\u2019t for me \u2013\u00a0it\u2019s for the people I can serve, the friends and family I can help, and the younger generations I can teach. Now is the time for me to pass on all that has so generously been given to me.<\/p>\n

A couple years ago, my good friend Anita Goldstein sent me a short essay by Quaker elder and educator Parker J. Palmer, who was reflecting on his own aging, with its concomitant diminishments. Now in his late 70\u2019s, Palmer was mulling over the question: \u201cWhat do I want to let go of and what do I want to hold onto?\u201d<\/p>\n

So he sat with a small group of trusted friends for a couple hours to get feedback on his question, and what he came away with was a new question: \u201cWhat do I want to let go of \u2026 and what do I want to give myself to?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Palmer writes: \u201cI now see that \u2018hanging on\u2019 is a fearful, needy, and clinging way to be in the world. But looking for \u2018what I want to give myself to\u2019 transforms everything. It’s taking me to a place where I find energy, abundance, trust, and new life.\u201d<\/p>\n

I love that. It reminds me of my all-time favorite book, Man\u2019s Search for Meaning<\/em> by Viktor Frankl, in which he says: \u201cUltimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.\u201d<\/p>\n

In retirement, in old age, the most important question to ask is: \u201cWhat do I want to give myself to?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"BJ<\/a>
BJ Gallagher’s new book, Your Life is Your Prayer,<\/em><\/a> will be published April 15, 2019.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For many years, I had a poster of Mother Teresa that read, \u201cUnless life is lived for others, it is not worthwhile.\u201d The holy woman from Calcutta was \u2013 and still is \u2013 someone whose life and work I admire greatly. I do my best to live according to her wise words, though I fall…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":434,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nRetirement Isn't for Me - The Power of Positive Doing<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In retirement, in old age, the most important question to ask is: \u201cWhat do I want to give myself to?\u201d\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Retirement Isn't for Me - The Power of Positive Doing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In retirement, in old age, the most important question to ask is: \u201cWhat do I want to give myself to?\u201d\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/2019\/03\/retirement-isnt-for-me.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Power of Positive Doing\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"www.facebook.com\/bjgallagher.9\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-03-23T01:20:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thepowerofpositivedoing\/files\/2019\/03\/BJ-copy-2-150x150.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"BJ Gallagher\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@BJ_Gallagher\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Retirement Isn't for Me - 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She writes business books that educate and empower, women\u2019s books that enlighten and entertain, and gift books that inspire and inform. Whether her audience is corporate executives, working women, or a group of college student, her message is powerful, positive, as well as practical. She motivates and teaches with empathy, understanding, and more than a little humor. BJ\u2019s international best-seller, \"A Peacock in the Land of Penguins\" (Berrett-Koehler; third edition 2001), is now in 23 languages and has sold over 400,000 copies. Her recent books include: \"The Power of Positive DOING\" (Simple Truths) and \"If God Is Your Co-Pilot, Switch Seats\" (Hampton Roads). Her new book, \"Your Life Is Your Prayer\" (Mango Publishing) will be out in April 2019. BJ and her books have been featured on CBS Evening News, the Today show, Fox News, PBS, CNN, and other television and radio programs. She is quoted almost weekly in various newspapers, women\u2019s magazines, and websites including O the Oprah magazine, Redbook, Woman\u2019s World, Ladies Home Journal, First for Women, Time, Wall Street Journal, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Hartford Courant, Denver Post, Los Angeles Times, Christian Science Monitor, Orlando Sentinel, Seattle Post-Intelligencer, and MSNBC.com, among others. BJ also conducts seminars and workshops. Her clients include: IBM, Chevron, Nissan, John Deere Credit Canada, Volkswagen, Farm Credit Services of America, Raytheon, Marathon Realty (Canada), U.S. Department of Interior, Veterans Administration, among others. 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