{"id":656,"date":"2006-02-28T17:59:00","date_gmt":"2006-02-28T17:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/theirbadmother\/2006\/02\/the-amazing-chase.html"},"modified":"2006-02-28T17:59:00","modified_gmt":"2006-02-28T17:59:00","slug":"the-amazing-chase","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2006\/02\/the-amazing-chase.html","title":{"rendered":"The Amazing Race, Babies And Cats Edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

(There has been much activity here at Baby Headquarters, and so much to report on: swaddle busts! parties! cat chases! One hardly knows where to begin. But since we have to portion out stories this week – Mommy returns tomorrow, temporarily, to lecturing, for the first time since Baby took over rule of the household – we must choose The Story of the Day. And since New Internet Friend and fellow Siamese Cat Aficionado Christina<\/a> expressed interest in visuals of the furry Bad Ladies we must go with the Bad Lady Story…)<\/p>\n

The NanaDoob<\/a> has held a privileged position in Baby’s court for some time, ever since she took it upon herself to Serve and Protect Baby, and to ward off such evils as the Compelling of the Nap and the Reading of the French<\/a>. It is, and has been, a role of great importance, given Baby’s relative helplessness. Being, for the most part, a chubby immobile creature, Baby required external support persons to act as her ‘muscle.’ Not unlike, one might venture to say, Jabba the Hutt…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

OK, so Jabba is hideous and Baby is adorable. But consider the following Jabba characteristics and deny that Baby shares them: soft, pudgy body (check), multiple chins (check), limited arm use (check), oversize head and non-existent neck (check), excessive slobber (check), ambitions to rule the universe (check), slavish minions (check). I’m just sayin’.<\/em><\/p>\n

So it has been that the NanaDoob has always acted at some remove from Baby, who has, since her takeover, been for the most part immobilized.<\/p>\n

\n

\n

<\/em> <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Watchoo lookin’ at? You were expectin’ robots and gold bikinis???<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Until now.<\/p>\n

Baby has been training for some time to gain the physical strength that world domination requires, and has recently begun testing herself outside of her various constraining support devices (among which, the arms of her chief minions, the Mommy and the Daddy).<\/p>\n

And she decided that one her first orders of business was to test herself against the NanaDoob.<\/p>\n

\n

\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Come hither, pussy minion…<\/em><\/p>\n

The NanaDoob was overdue for being put in her place. It is, after all, well known that all Siamese cats aspire to world domination.<\/a> (1) And Baby could no longer allow the NanaDoob to nurture such ambitions. She would have to learn that Baby. Is. Boss.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

… for I wish to gum you…<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

… and slobber upon you! And show you my power!<\/em><\/p>\n

The NanaDoob, quite understandably, fled moments later. It is, however, unclear as to whether she fled out of fear or out of an understandable abhorrence of mucous.<\/p>\n

———<\/p>\n

The above was the second of the Amazing Cat Chases. Baby, it must be admitted, did not move very quickly. Indeed, the movement was very limited. But the effort was made! And there was scooching – the pushing along of the body by way of arm and leg wriggling – to the order of some 6 inches! Baby GOT GOIN’.<\/p>\n

Mommy was VERY PROUD. And took many pictures. Most of which do not show Baby at her best, as there was much exertion involved in this exercise…<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Aaaarrrrggghhh….dribble… aarrggh<\/em><\/p>\n

But still! VERY PROUD!<\/p>\n

———-<\/p>\n

(1) The NanaDoob and her compatriot, The Sissy, have been caught relaxing in Baby’s throne, and issuing orders to the toys and<\/em> (treason!) to the minion Mommy and Daddy. So there is solid evidence that some usurpation has been in planning. They’ll need to be watched…<\/p>\n

\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I scoff at your drool, hairless one…<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Originally published at www.herbadmother.com<\/a><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(There has been much activity here at Baby Headquarters, and so much to report on: swaddle busts! parties! cat chases! One hardly knows where to begin. 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