{"id":1210,"date":"2010-06-09T16:25:22","date_gmt":"2010-06-09T16:25:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html"},"modified":"2010-06-09T16:25:22","modified_gmt":"2010-06-09T16:25:22","slug":"this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html","title":{"rendered":"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wrote this post four years ago today. Four years ago, when the girl – my girl!<\/a> – was a wee baby and I already knew (that is: sort of, maybe, had a good guess about) what I was in for…<\/i><\/p>\n

This child is kicking my butt.<\/p>\n

She has suddenly become
\nimmeasurably stronger, faster and more willful than the strong, fast,
\nwillful baby that she was yesterday. Or the day before that. I don’t
\nknow anymore. I can’t remember. Because I am SO FREAKING TIRED.<\/p>\n

Not, mind you, from lack of sleep. WonderBaby sleeps through the night; she has done, with the exception of the odd night here and there <\/a>(and on vacations<\/a>) since about four months. Ever since we bust free of the swaddle<\/a>, finally, and got her into her nursery and her crib<\/a>. Lucky, lucky Bad Mother<\/em>, you’re saying. Pretty baby sleeps through the night<\/em>!<\/p>\n

Whatever.
\nIf she didn’t sleep through the night I’d be dead by now. So it’s
\nsimply Nature’s small mercy that she sleeps through the
\nnight. Because she ain’t interested in sleeping during the day, except
\nfor the odd catnap here and there. Or maybe one hour in the morning and
\nTHAT’S IT. Nada m\u00e1s. Ya esta.<\/p>\n

This might not be so bad if she weren’t a turbo-charged baby hell-bent on world domination<\/a>. Starting with complete and total domination over Mommy. (Scratch that. Mama. MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA.)<\/em><\/p>\n

It was all light-hearted, really, when I began referring to my bright little baby as Future Ruler of the Known and Unknown Universe<\/a>. But I should have known. She has been, um, spirited <\/em>from
\nthe very beginning. Her eyes were wide open and she was hollering
\nbefore she’d even made it all the way out of my life-ushering nethers.
\nShe was ready for biznass<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I was thrilled, proud. My
\nbaby, warrior princess and future philosopher-queen! Watch out, world.
\nMy sweet little despot is going to Kick. Your. A**.<\/p>\n

What I didn’t anticipate: that first, she’d kick mine.<\/p>\n

WonderBaby’s
\nhungry? More boobie! And then – lunch! Which must be carefully arranged
\nso that she can feed herself. Unless Mama wants to hear some screaming.
\nSo the banana and avocado are broken into slices and set on tray.
\nCereal is spooned into cup with baby-friendly spoon at hand. And then
\nWonderBaby feeds WonderBaby, until WonderBaby grows tired of feeding
\nWonderBaby and Mama must act NOW to get peas (NO NO NO not bananas avocado cereal those are for WonderBaby hands only! Peas! With new spoon! NOW.)<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\" <\/p>\n

I would make a joke about visualizing whirled peas or giving peas a chance, but that’s just not funny right now, in this STATE OF WAR…<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

WonderBaby
\nwants to move? WonderBaby will walk, thank you very much. Which
\nrequires the presence of Mama’s hands for balance. Until we reach the
\ncouch\/ottoman\/rail\/cat, and then WonderBaby must be left alone. ALONE.
\nTo revel in her standing power. \"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

(That
\ncrawling thing of two weeks ago? SOOO two weeks ago. Crawling is
\nreserved for the clinch, for pursuing wayward toys and chasing cats.
\nOtherwise, crawling is for chumps. Walking is where it’s at. Never mind
\nthe physical limitations of a 6-and-a-half month old body. If world
\ndomination requires upright mobility, upright-mobility-training
\ncommences now. NOW.)<\/em>
<\/em>
(Pictures? Of the
\nstanding\/walking\/tearing at Mama’s arms? Oh, my god, are you kidding? Pictures
\nare now only possible when child is restrained. Or terrorizing cats in
\nher crib.)<\/em>
<\/em>
WonderBaby wants action? Bash toys. Bash
\nMama with toys. Climb Mama. Pummel Mama until she agrees to go to the
\npark. Refuse to recline in stroller. Sit straight up clutching toys as
\nstroller bounces over curbs. Then insist upon being carried. Then
\nsquirm. Squirm more forcefully. Insist upon being put to ground, feet
\nfirst, to commence walking. Shriek at any sign of resistance. <\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"Keep pushing that swing, peon! Push or I’ll vomit!<\/em>
<\/em><\/p>\n

Work
\nthat playground like the motherfracking future ruler of the universe
\nthat you are. Yeah, you, Hippy-Granny-in-the-straw-hat, you’re her
\nbetch, too. Dance! (Cue hippy granny twirling in circles for the sweet, sweet reward of high-pitched WonderBaby giggles<\/em>. Hippy
\ngranny does not realize that this is the dolphin-pitched war cry of the
\nWonderBaby summoning her Army of Infants. Mothers of Toronto – or of
\nthe immediate vicinity of Dufferin Grove Park – if your babies are
\nrattling their crib rails and agitating, it is because they have heard
\nthe cry and are preparing to take us all down. Be on your guard.<\/em>)<\/p>\n

(You think I’m joking.)<\/em>
<\/em>
(Ha.)<\/em>
<\/em>
This
\nchild is not seven months old and I’m already whipped. And exhausted.
\nSo exhausted. And in dire need of a martini, and pissed off that my
\nbody no longer tolerates martinis<\/a>, because how the hell am I supposed to get through the coming months, years<\/em><\/i>, without the cool solace of vodka shaken over ice? <\/p>\n

Damn it but this is tough. So tough.<\/p>\n

But, but… (You knew this was coming.)<\/p>\n

Such sweet, sweet domination. How could I be anything other than completely in her thrall?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/em><\/p>\n

Sweet surrender.<\/em><\/p>\n

Still. One of these days I’m going to do a post entitled How To Know If Your Child Is A Future Despot<\/em>, which will be based upon a close textual analysis of Xenophon’s Cyropaedia<\/a> <\/em>and my personal experiences with WonderBaby. And my tongue will not be in cheek.

Originally posted at Her Bad Mother<\/a>, oh, some gajillion (which is to say, exactly 4) years ago. And, look! I HAVE SURVIVED.<\/p>\n

Barely.<\/p>\n

(Actually, I keep losing my mind from OH THE ANXIETY<\/a>, but we all knew that that was going to happen, so.)<\/p>\n

<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wrote this post four years ago today. Four years ago, when the girl – my girl! – was a wee baby and I already knew (that is: sort of, maybe, had a good guess about) what I was in for… This child is kicking my butt. She has suddenly become immeasurably stronger, faster and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":179,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,5,20,10,8,19,11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1210","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-breastfeeding","category-emilia","category-girls","category-i-cant-make-this-stuff-up","category-life-with-baby","category-memories","category-mush"],"yoast_head":"\nThis Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me - Their Bad Mother<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me - Their Bad Mother\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I wrote this post four years ago today. Four years ago, when the girl – my girl! – was a wee baby and I already knew (that is: sort of, maybe, had a good guess about) what I was in for… This child is kicking my butt. She has suddenly become immeasurably stronger, faster and…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Their Bad Mother\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-06-09T16:25:22+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/photos1.blogger.com\/blogger\/7878\/2181\/320\/june%20049.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Catherine Connors\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me - Their Bad Mother","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me - Their Bad Mother","og_description":"I wrote this post four years ago today. Four years ago, when the girl – my girl! – was a wee baby and I already knew (that is: sort of, maybe, had a good guess about) what I was in for… This child is kicking my butt. She has suddenly become immeasurably stronger, faster and…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html","og_site_name":"Their Bad Mother","article_published_time":"2010-06-09T16:25:22+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/photos1.blogger.com\/blogger\/7878\/2181\/320\/june%20049.jpg"}],"author":"Catherine Connors","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html","name":"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me - Their Bad Mother","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/photos1.blogger.com\/blogger\/7878\/2181\/320\/june%20049.jpg","datePublished":"2010-06-09T16:25:22+00:00","dateModified":"2010-06-09T16:25:22+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/#\/schema\/person\/e5cb41c7478a8741b1ca837d0ad3eace"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/photos1.blogger.com\/blogger\/7878\/2181\/320\/june%20049.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/photos1.blogger.com\/blogger\/7878\/2181\/320\/june%20049.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2010\/06\/this-day-in-history-when-my-girl-became-the-boss-of-me.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"This Day In History: When My Girl Became The Boss Of Me"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/","name":"Their Bad Mother","description":"Amy Julia Becker on Faith, Family, and Disability","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/#\/schema\/person\/e5cb41c7478a8741b1ca837d0ad3eace","name":"Catherine Connors","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/48c\/48c0936a787715d590be21174b52d353x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/48c\/48c0936a787715d590be21174b52d353x96.jpg","caption":"Catherine Connors"},"description":"Catherine Connors is a mother, writer and recovering academic who traded the lecture hall for the playroom and discovered that university students and preschoolers have much the same attention span. She still dips her toes into academic waters by writing the occasional scholarly article about the place of motherhood in Western philosophy, but mostly now she changes diapers and wipes noses and indulges in long reflections on whether Yo Gabba Gabba is a harbinger of the decline of western civilization. Oh, and she blogs: in addition to Bad Mother blogging at BeliefNet, she is, among other things, the author of HerBadMother.com, the moderator of Her Bad Mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Basement, the co-founder and co-editor of WeCovet, a contributing writer\/editor at MamaPop and BlogHer, and most recently (deep breath) founder of and contributor to Canada Moms Blog. And in her spare time\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 oh, wait. She doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have spare time. But she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s okay with that.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/author\/cconnors"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1210","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/179"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1210"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1210\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}