{"id":1114,"date":"2009-10-13T12:04:49","date_gmt":"2009-10-13T12:04:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/theirbadmother\/2009\/10\/are-you-there-god-its-me-barney.html"},"modified":"2009-10-13T12:04:49","modified_gmt":"2009-10-13T12:04:49","slug":"are-you-there-god-its-me-barney","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2009\/10\/are-you-there-god-its-me-barney.html","title":{"rendered":"Are You There God? It’s Me, Barney."},"content":{"rendered":"

I took the children to the Royal Ontario Museum the other day. I told Emilia that we were going to see the dinosaurs, but really, we were going because I wanted to see the Dead Sea Scrolls and the scroll remnants of the Ten Commandments<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Emilia wasn’t happy when we arrived and I told her that we’d see the dinosaurs after Mommy saw the Ten Commandments scroll.<\/p>\n

Emilia: What are the DEMANDMENTS? And why are there TEN? Do we have to see ALL OF THEM?<\/i><\/p>\n

Me: COMMANDments.They’re rules that God gave to people a long, long time ago.
<\/i>
Emilia: What kind of rules? <\/i><\/p>\n

Me: Well, like, that we shouldn’t lie, and we shouldn’t take other peoples’ things…<\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: But I KNOW those already.<\/i><\/p>\n

Me: You know them because they’re very old rules, and very important. <\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: Older than you?
<\/i>
Me: Much older than me.
<\/i>
Emilia: Older than the dinosaurs?<\/i><\/p>\n

Me: Um, well, no…<\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: Then what were the dinosaurs’ rules?<\/i><\/p>\n

Me: Um…<\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: Did God give them rules, too?<\/i><\/p>\n

Me: Um…<\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: Because didn’t the dinosaurs need rules? Didn’t God want them to have rules? Did the dinosaurs all LIE AND STEAL?<\/i> BARNEY DOESN’T LIE AND STEAL. DOES GOD KNOW BARNEY?
<\/i>
Me: Um…<\/i><\/p>\n

Emilia: I think that we need to go talk to the dinosaurs first, Mommy. For some ANSWERS. THEN we can see those demandments.<\/i><\/p>\n

The fossilized Tyrannosaurus had no answers, sadly. We’re still waiting to hear from Barney, but given his obvious godlessness, I’m not holding my breath.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I took the children to the Royal Ontario Museum the other day. I told Emilia that we were going to see the dinosaurs, but really, we were going because I wanted to see the Dead Sea Scrolls and the scroll remnants of the Ten Commandments. Emilia wasn’t happy when we arrived and I told her…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":179,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,26],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1114","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-emilia","category-faith"],"yoast_head":"\nAre You There God? 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