{"id":1092,"date":"2009-08-17T11:18:21","date_gmt":"2009-08-17T11:18:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/theirbadmother\/2009\/08\/time-enough-for-questions.html"},"modified":"2009-08-17T11:18:21","modified_gmt":"2009-08-17T11:18:21","slug":"time-enough-for-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/theirbadmother\/2009\/08\/time-enough-for-questions.html","title":{"rendered":"Time Enough For Questions"},"content":{"rendered":"

I had said that I wanted – that I needed – to narrate this process<\/a>, this journey through the experience of my father’s death. But it’s hard<\/a>. I return to my bed (so far from home) at the end of each day and I am fatigued to the very tippy-toes of my soul. So while I am narrating this experience, constantly, to myself, by myself, in whispers to myself, my aching fingers just aren’t getting it down.<\/p>\n

Time. I need time. Time to not be so tired and heart-sore. Time to sort through the eleventeen questions swirling through my head. Questions about his death and his life and about life and death in general. And questions like this:<\/p>\n

1) Is there such a thing as ghosts, other than as the figurative representation of that feeling<\/i> we have that someone is always with us?<\/p>\n

2) Is it wrong to want to be haunted? To be afraid to be haunted, and yet to desire it with every fiber of your being?<\/p>\n

3) How does one bring the traditions of one’s family religion into the process of dealing with death when both the dead and the living are lapsed – ambivalently lapsed, but intentionally lapsed?<\/p>\n

4) God doesn’t mind when you get really, really mad at Him, right?<\/p>\n

5) And he hears when you tell yourself that you’re not that mad, really. Just sad. Right?<\/p>\n

6) Because he can read your mind, right?<\/p>\n

5) Can ghosts read your mind? Like, say, God?<\/p>\n

Like I said, I’m struggling, and confused. Bear with me.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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