{"id":88,"date":"2010-11-19T07:11:25","date_gmt":"2010-11-19T07:11:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/movingbeyondaddiction\/2010\/11\/eva-longoria-and-walking-through-her-pain.html"},"modified":"2010-11-19T07:11:25","modified_gmt":"2010-11-19T07:11:25","slug":"eva-longoria-and-walking-through-her-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2010\/11\/eva-longoria-and-walking-through-her-pain.html","title":{"rendered":"Eva Longoria and Walking Through her Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"

With the tabloids and news announcing the filing of divorce by Eva Longoria from her husband Tony Parker, I couldn’t help but think of the deep pain she must be going thru.  After finding out that he has been allegedly been having an affair with one of their mutual friends must have been excruciating for her.  We can only hope she will be able to walk through the pain without avoiding it so that she can eventually get to the other side of her despair.<\/span><\/p>\n

We humans are so afraid of pain–physical pain and emotional
\npain–that we’ll do almost anything to avoid it. We’ll even choose something
\nsafe and familiar that we don’t like, rather than taking a risk on something we
\nreally want. We do that because risky ventures might fail, and failure causes
\nus pain. <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>Our fear of
\npain is what leads us to addiction. We can’t bear the pain of our current
\nsituation or the memories of a painful past, so we numb ourselves in an effort
\nnot to feel it. <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>The irony here
\nis that our efforts to avoid pain just cause us more pain–and make true
\nhappiness impossible. We don’t take the risk, so we never get what we want. We
\ndon’t face the difficult past, so we are never free of that pain. We don’t sort
\nout the painful present, so we never make things right. And the pain just goes
\non and on. <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>We can’t be
\nnumb 100 percent of the time. And in sobriety, we can’t be numb at all. So we
\nneed to learn how to experience our pain–truly feel it–and just sit with it. <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>How can we do
\nthis? The first step is to see it for what it is. We are so afraid of pain that
\nwe build it up in our minds: “This pain will be the biggest, worst, most
\nintolerable pain ever and I will not be able to bear it, which is why I must do
\nanything to avoid it.” Do you see how our fear of experiencing pain makes it
\nseem worse than it really is? <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>Rather than
\nworry about how bad it’s going to feel, just
\nfeel it. <\/i>Feel it without adding on the extra burden of fear. Notice the
\npain with interest and curiosity. Just tolerate it for a bit. Notice how it
\nmakes you feel. Know that eventually it will pass. <\/span><\/p>\n

            <\/span>When you learn
\nto detach from your pain without fear or desperation–rather than fighting it,
\nignoring it or trying to numb it away–you’ll see that, after all, it is only a
\nthought. And thoughts exist in our minds. They are not part of our lives.
\nThere’s no need to fear them.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With the tabloids and news announcing the filing of divorce by Eva Longoria from her husband Tony Parker, I couldn’t help but think of the deep pain she must be going thru.  After finding out that he has been allegedly been having an affair with one of their mutual friends must have been excruciating for…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":402,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-88","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-agoura-psychotherapist-westlake-village-psychotherapist-calabasas-psychotherapist-malibu-psychoth"],"yoast_head":"\nEva Longoria and Walking Through her Pain - The Celebrity Therapist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2010\/11\/eva-longoria-and-walking-through-her-pain.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Eva Longoria and Walking Through her Pain - 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