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Many people know someone who is a narcissist. The American Psychological Association has listed narcissistic personality disorder or NPD in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders since 1968. While there are relatively few diagnoses made, leading researchers estimate around 1% of all adults show symptoms<\/p>\n
Narcissism is more than just run of the mill egocentricity. There are a very specific set of traits that people with NPD exhibit. According to leading American psychiatrist James Masteron, the seven traits of NPD are:<\/p>\n
Shamelessness\u2014A narcissist views themselves to be flawless. Shame isn\u2019t present in their emotional range. For example, while they may acknowledge they made a bad choice, while they may not experience remorse for their actions.<\/p>\n
Envy\u2014They can\u2019t bear to see other people be successful. This will cause them to undermine any praise or achievements of those around them.<\/p>\n
Boundaries\u2014the narcissist takes and takes and ignores others\u2019 boundaries. This like the other behaviors comes from their feelings of superiority and entitlement.<\/p>\n
Additionally, the narcissist engages in a range of behaviors that create uncertainty, isolation, and even feelings of distrust in their partner\u2019s own memories.<\/p>\n
Gaslighting is Psychological Abuse
\n<\/b>This is done through a behavior known as gaslighting, which is a type of psychological abuse. When I work with my coaching clients, most who have been in a relationship with a narcissist have experienced some form of gaslighting.<\/p>\n
Gaslighting is a process. It happens over a long time and involved telling a partner a false version of a story, telling them they\u2019re imagining things, or that they\u2019re overly dramatic or emotional. This constant deceit creates doubt in your memories and experiences.<\/p>\n
Anyone can be a victim of gaslighting, and it occurs in many dysfunctional relationships. In my book,\u00a0The Marriage and Relationship Junkie<\/i>, I talk about how gaslighting can be used by narcissists in codependent relationships, leading to long-term challenges in seeing the abuse in the relationship at an emotional or even a physical level.<\/p>\n
Key Signs of Gaslighting
\n<\/b>\u2014Knowing the signs of gaslighting can help you to recognize the feelings of confusing and emotional distress you are experiencing. These signs include:<\/p>\n
\u2014Physical and emotional abuse that is denied by the offender, even as it is occurring.<\/p>\n
\u2014Clear recollections of an event that are dismissed or corrected by a partner.<\/p>\n
\u2014Feeling the need to apologize for constantly being at fault, even if the argument or conflict was started by your partner.<\/p>\n
\u2014Lack of trust in your own senses, memories, and actions.<\/p>\n
Often gaslighting is almost impossible to identify if it has been going on for a period of time. Working with a coach familiar with gaslighting can be critical in gaining confidence in yourself now and in the future.<\/p>\n
Magical Thinking\u2014They believe they are directly responsible for bringing about all good things in their world. Anything negative that happens is distorted or the fault of someone else, typically the partner.<\/p>\n
Arrogance\u2014Narcissists make themselves look better by putting others down. This is often done in very public forums and based on their knowledge of another person\u2019s areas of insecurity or fear.<\/p>\n
Exploitation\u2014Narcissists may manipulate people into relationships into subservience or inferiority complexes positions to get a sense of power over them, without any consideration for the hurt it may cause.<\/p>\n
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