{"id":1327,"date":"2019-08-26T15:12:37","date_gmt":"2019-08-26T19:12:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1327"},"modified":"2019-08-29T16:59:27","modified_gmt":"2019-08-29T20:59:27","slug":"codependents-stay-damaging-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/08\/codependents-stay-damaging-relationships.html","title":{"rendered":"Why Codependents Stay In Damaging Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Relationship-Problems-\u2013-How-Does-Meditation-Help-Solve-Them\"Most people have at least one person in their life who seems to be in the same horrible,\u00a0dead-end relationship over and over again, but the partner seems to change. Upon a closer look, it is as if the individual is attracted to only one\u00a0personality<\/a>\u00a0type and one that is very negative, destructive and uncaring.<\/p>\n

Each relationship seems like\u00a0“the perfect love.” It typically develops quickly after the breakup of the current bad relationship, and it escalates from a\u00a0friendship<\/a>\u00a0or casual meeting to a\u00a0full-blown love affair in record time. While this is happening Mr. or Mrs. Right becomes the object of the obsession for the codependent. At the same time, the\u00a0narcissist<\/a>\u00a0is also showing a different side of his or her personality, going out the way to be charming, attentive, and to do everything the codependent person wants and needs to hear and experience.<\/p>\n

The\u00a0codependent<\/a>, ever hoping for the perfect relationship, ignores the warning signs and the obvious repetition of a pattern she or he has seen many times before. Codependents ignore the advice of friends and family, focusing instead on building the perfect relationship this time.<\/p>\n

Once the partnership is formalized, which may be through\u00a0marriage<\/a>\u00a0or living together, the\u00a0narcissist<\/a>\u00a0takes the mask off. Often it starts to slip well before this point, but the codependent is also not willing to look for the problems, so the issues, lies, manipulations and need to control goes unchecked.<\/p>\n

When a codependent sees life as a choice between living in a kind of\u00a0fantasy matrimonial romance novel or the sheer hell of being single, they\u00a0become obsessed with the idea of being in a\u00a0romantic relationship<\/a>, no\u00a0matter what the cost. When that happens, relationships pile up, becoming\u00a0increasingly tangled and messy. Codependents become serial disasters because\u00a0they jump in again and again without first doing the work of unearthing\u00a0the\u00a0trauma<\/a>\u00a0and issues that keep them in their cycle of\u00a0addiction<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Staying in a devastating and destructive marriage or relationship is worth the pain as long as they do not need to be on their own. Additionally, it is not likely that a codependent, without support and assistance,\u00a0leaves a relationship even if there is emotional, verbal and physical violence.<\/p>\n

It is equally important to note that this cycle doesn’t just stop suddenly. Even if a codependent were to find a healthy partner, her or his codependent behaviors, relationship and personal insecurities and their inability to be autonomous in relationship drives off the healthy partner.<\/p>\n

Getting Out\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

It is possible for codependent people to break out of a destructive relationship. Sometimes it occurs due to a violent incident, the partner finding a new love interest or sometimes due to the interventions of friends and family.<\/p>\n

To get out of a codependent relationship, there are some important steps to take:<\/p>\n