{"id":1312,"date":"2019-03-15T09:57:37","date_gmt":"2019-03-15T13:57:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1312"},"modified":"2019-03-15T09:57:37","modified_gmt":"2019-03-15T13:57:37","slug":"1312","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"
\"happy\"Often, people have noticed a pattern in their life, where relationships that seem ideal quickly become toxic and partners that seemed like Mr. Right soon become Mr. Impossible.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\n
The reality for many people is that codependency is often difficult to identify.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Many\u00a0codependents<\/a>\u00a0are professionals and very good at what they do, as long as they are able to avoid considering what is going on in their relationships.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
In my book\u00a0The Marriage and Relationship Junkie<\/a>, \u00a0I talk about my experiences with multiple failed, and toxic relationships and the sudden awakening I had to see that\u00a0codependency<\/a>\u00a0was driving these unhealthy choices.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
It is hard to suddenly see the truth, particularly when you are in a relationship that you are desperate to make work.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
For many people, the justification for being overly involved in trying to seek approval from others is couched in terms of simply being too kind or caring. However, it can be narrowed down to codependency.<\/div>\n

Issues that are typical negative experiences in codependency:<\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. Feeling isolated and alone in a relationship\u00a0as the other partner seems oblivious or unwilling to meet your needs.<\/li>\n
  2. Feeling an obligation to do whatever the partner wants, even if what is wanted is not something you feel or desire.<\/li>\n
  3. Putting the needs of the partner above your needs in all or most situations.<\/li>\n
  4. Inability to set boundaries or to say no, even if those things are against what you believe and see as right or fair.<\/li>\n
  5. Feeling that saying no to the partner may end the relationship.<\/li>\n
  6. Seeing yourself only as a part of a relationship and not as a unique individual.<\/li>\n
  7. Pouring all of your physical, emotional and mental energy into a relationship and getting nothing in return.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    Recognizing the issue is the first step, and then\u00a0working with counselors\u00a0and therapists to make changes is the next step on the road to recovery.<\/div>\n

    Turning the tide<\/h2>\n
    \"Turning<\/div>\n
    There are several options or strategies that codependents can use to start to make positive changes in life. Getting out of the destructive relationship and learning how to think about ourselves and those around us is an important internal change.<\/div>\n
    \n
    Changing how we think impacts how we act, and this all starts with making the choice to bring positive energy into our lives.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

    1. Positive self-talk<\/h2>\n
    Everyone carries on their own internal monologue.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    For those with healthy self-esteem, this monologue provides encouragement, praise, and support. For those with poor self-esteem, it translates into self-nagging and self-doubts. Turning this internal talk around begins with recognizing a negative thought about self and turning it into a positive.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    For example, you didn\u2019t make a mistake, you were brave and took a chance on something new, learning new information you can use going forward.<\/div>\n

    2. Become mindful<\/h2>\n
    Mindfulness is a big buzzword today, and it doesn\u2019t mean meditating with incense or spending hours thinking in a quiet room.<\/div>\n
    \n
    Mindfulness is becoming aware of what is going on around you and in your head and noting the thought while allowing it to pass without judgment.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
    It is a clearing of the mind that can be done anywhere and at any time. It is learning to be non-reactive but rather to understand how we want to respond in a positive way.<\/div>\n

    3. Be who you want to be<\/h2>\n
    By acting in ways that are true to who you want to be, you become that person.<\/div>\n
    By choosing actions that build self-esteem and make us feel good about ourselves, we become more comfortable in seeing ourselves as just this person.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    Expressing gratitude to others, doing specific and focused kind things to help people around us, learning to say no and set boundaries and stating our own wants and needs are all a part of becoming a person with a healthy sense of self-esteem.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    There are positive changes you can start to make in your life today. Mental changes are difficult, but by putting them into action,you can make an amazing difference in your life.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach and the leading Psychotherapist on VH1\u2019s Celebrity Rehab and Sex Addiction.<\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    She helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives.\u00a0Take her quiz<\/a>\u00a0to find out if you\u2019re a love addict, sign up for a\u00a030-minute strategy session<\/a>, or learn more about how to get over a\u00a0break up<\/a>.\u00a0Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after online dating and relationship coach. For more information visit\u00a0www.sherrygaba.com<\/a>\u00a0of sign up today for Sherry\u2019s online group coaching program for $19\/month\u00a0https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/become-a-member-co\/<\/a><\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n
    <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Often, people have noticed a pattern in their life, where relationships that seem ideal quickly become toxic and partners that seemed like Mr. Right soon become Mr. Impossible. The reality for many people is that codependency is often difficult to identify. Many\u00a0codependents\u00a0are professionals and very good at what they do, as long as they are…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":402,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n- The Celebrity Therapist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"- The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Often, people have noticed a pattern in their life, where relationships that seem ideal quickly become toxic and partners that seemed like Mr. Right soon become Mr. Impossible. The reality for many people is that codependency is often difficult to identify. Many\u00a0codependents\u00a0are professionals and very good at what they do, as long as they are…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-03-15T13:57:37+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2019\/03\/happy-300x185.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sherry Gaba\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"- The Celebrity Therapist","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"- The Celebrity Therapist","og_description":"Often, people have noticed a pattern in their life, where relationships that seem ideal quickly become toxic and partners that seemed like Mr. Right soon become Mr. Impossible. The reality for many people is that codependency is often difficult to identify. Many\u00a0codependents\u00a0are professionals and very good at what they do, as long as they are…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html","og_site_name":"The Celebrity Therapist","article_published_time":"2019-03-15T13:57:37+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2019\/03\/happy-300x185.jpg"}],"author":"Sherry Gaba","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html","name":"- The Celebrity Therapist","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2019\/03\/happy-300x185.jpg","datePublished":"2019-03-15T13:57:37+00:00","dateModified":"2019-03-15T13:57:37+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/03\/1312.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2019\/03\/happy-300x185.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2019\/03\/happy-300x185.jpg"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/","name":"The Celebrity Therapist","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Sherry Gaba","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e","name":"Sherry Gaba","description":"If you think you might be codependent or a love addict, get Sherry\u2019s FREE Ebook, \u201cThe Truth about Codependency\u201d https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/codependency-quiz\/ Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after transformationn and recovery coach. For more information visit www.sherrygaba.com or sign up today for Sherry\u2019s online group coaching program for codependents for $19\/month https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/become-a-member-co\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/author\/sherrygaba"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/402"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1312"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1314,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1312\/revisions\/1314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}