{"id":1301,"date":"2019-01-14T12:10:00","date_gmt":"2019-01-14T17:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1301"},"modified":"2019-01-14T12:10:00","modified_gmt":"2019-01-14T17:10:00","slug":"understanding-anxious-avoidant-relationship-trap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2019\/01\/understanding-anxious-avoidant-relationship-trap.html","title":{"rendered":"Understanding The Anxious Avoidant Relationship Trap"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Love Romance Feelings Ice Fire Relationship<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

There are many different types of dysfunctional relationships. In codependent types of relationships, a common pattern of behavior that can be found is the anxious-avoidant trap. Sherry Gaba explains this pattern in full detail in her book,\u00a0The Marriage and Relationship Junkie<\/a>, and once you know the trap, it is easy to see.<\/p>\n

The dynamics<\/h3>\n

The dynamics of the anxious-avoidant trap are like a push and pull mechanism. These are both attachment styles, and they are on opposite ends of the spectrum from each other.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The anxious partner in the relationship moves into the other person. They are the partner that wants attention, needs intimacy and feels that it is only through emotional and physical closeness that this person feels satisfied and content in the relationship.<\/p>\n

The avoidant, as the name implies, wants to move away when he or she is feeling threatened by being crowded or pushed in a relationship. This is threatening, and it often seems to these people they are being overwhelmed, overloaded and consumed by the anxious person.<\/p>\n

They feel they have lost their sense of self, their autonomy, and their own individual identity as the anxious partner seeks to move ever closer.<\/p>\n

The pattern<\/h3>\n

The signs you can look for to see if you are in an anxious-avoidant trap include:<\/p>\n