{"id":1292,"date":"2018-11-08T13:47:24","date_gmt":"2018-11-08T18:47:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1292"},"modified":"2018-11-08T13:47:24","modified_gmt":"2018-11-08T18:47:24","slug":"one-thing-absolutely-need-find-great-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/one-thing-absolutely-need-find-great-partner.html","title":{"rendered":"The One Thing You Absolutely Need to Find a Great Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"images\"I\u2019ll admit, that title sounds kind of like an ad for perfume or positivity or plastic surgery. But you don\u2019t need to go shopping for the one thing you absolutely need to find a great partner.<\/div>\n
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Because\u2014surprise!\u2014what you really need is to know in your heart that you\u2019re just fine on your own.<\/div>\n
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That means you\u2019re secure in yourself, you\u2019ve built a life you enjoy, and nobody else is going to \u201cmake you complete.\u201d A partner would be wonderful, but only the right partner.\u00a0Until\/unless you find them, you can date for fun and friendship, hang out with your friends and family, and complete yourself.<\/div>\n
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How strongly do I feel about this? As long as you feel you can\u2019t live without a partner, you shouldn\u2019t live with a partner. I say that because it\u2019s really impossible to have a healthy relationship when you\u2019re desperate to get paired up. Authentic partnerships are based on respect and trust and shared values\u2014not desperation.<\/div>\n

Desperation makes you look bad to the right kind of people<\/h2>\n
Desperation makes you unattractive to well-grounded, self-assured people (the people you should be looking for), and an easy mark for those who want to take advantage of you. It keeps you in relationships you know will never really work out, long after they have turned sour. And that\u2019s a recipe for a lifetime of settling for less than you want and deserve.<\/div>\n
Desperation sets in when you believe you need a partner to be happy.<\/div>\n
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But you are setting yourself up for relationship failure and disappointment when you believe someone else is responsible for your well-being.<\/i><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
Thinking that way stops you from setting healthy boundaries and asking for what you need and want. It prevents you from being your authentic self in a relationship.<\/div>\n
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Ask yourself:<\/div>\n