{"id":1287,"date":"2018-11-02T13:13:41","date_gmt":"2018-11-02T17:13:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1287"},"modified":"2018-11-02T13:13:59","modified_gmt":"2018-11-02T17:13:59","slug":"what-happens-after-the-breakup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html","title":{"rendered":"What Happens After the Breakup"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"piano-571968_960_720\"<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. However you got here\u2014whether your partner broke up with you, or you decided to break it off\u2014grief is a process you have to work through. Take the time to work all the way through it and you\u2019ll come out the other side stronger and smarter.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
In the beginning, you might feel numb or dazed or angry, guilty, shocked, crushed\u2014or all of these things. You will probably careen from one emotion to the next. Sometimes you\u2019ll need to relive and rethink the end of a relationship. Other times you\u2019ll need a break from thinking about it.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Allow yourself to feel.<\/b>
\nJust allow everything to be exactly as it is. Healthy grief lets you experience your feelings in your body, your mind, and your heart. Don\u2019t try to repress or ignore your pain, because it will only come up again later. Don\u2019t make the mistake of trying to distract yourself from painful feelings. It\u2019s hard to hurt, but acknowledging and experiencing your pain is an essential part of grief. Feel what you feel\u2014as much of it as there is.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Care for yourself.<\/b>
\nThis is the time to care for and nurture yourself. You need to create a safe and sacred space to process your grief. This might include massage or meditation, mani-pedis or spin classes\u2014however you cherish and nurture yourself. Use self-care to give yourself the strength to experience your pain. Your resilience will surprise you.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Learn from it.<\/b>
\nYou will feel empowered as you gain some distance from your loss and find meaning from it. Now is the time to integrate the experience into your life by embracing all the lessons you\u2019ve learned from the breakup. Create new interests, new perspectives, and new insights into what worked and what didn\u2019t. Think about something you always wanted to do, just for yourself. Maybe it\u2019s joining a gym, taking up yoga, hiking, knitting, or a book group. Now that you\u2019re single, you finally have the time to do it.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Reconnect.<\/b>
\nIt\u2019s also the time to reconnect with the activities and people you neglected while you were in your relationship. Reconnecting will remind you that you are cherished and valued by others. You may not have a love interest at the moment, but you have plenty of people who love you.<\/div>\n
Here\u2019s a great way to remind yourself of that: Throw a dinner party. Think about who you miss and who you\u2019d like to see again, and invite them to dinner. It doesn\u2019t have to be anything fancy. If the idea of a dinner party seems intimidating, serve take-out on paper plates. But go shopping for the nice paper plates, and get the best take-out food you can. Buy a good bottle of wine, and treat yourself and your guests to something special. You all deserve it!<\/div>\n
\"piano-571968_960_720\"<\/div>\n
Write it down.<\/b><\/div>\n
Now, sit down and write your ex a letter. This is a great way to sort through your thoughts and feelings, and putting them on paper is very cathartic. Finally, you have an opportunity to say everything you have always wanted to say. You can tell your ex how much you long for him\/her, miss him\/her, and how much he\/she hurt you, betrayed you, how bad in bed he\/she was, how ungrateful he\/she is.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
This letter is for you only, an opportunity to lay everything out there emotionally so you no longer hold it in your body, your mind, your heart. Because you\u2019re not going to send it, you don\u2019t have to watch what you say or how you say it.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
After you write it, you can burn the letter in a goodbye ceremony, tear it up, or flush it down the toilet. Or put it away and reread it whenever you\u2019re tempted to try to get back together\u2014to remind yourself of why that relationship will never work.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach and the leading Psychotherapist on VH1\u2019s Celebrity Rehab and Sex Addiction. She helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives.\u00a0<\/i>Take her quiz<\/i><\/a>\u00a0to find out if you\u2019re a love addict, sign up for a\u00a0<\/i>30-minute strategy session<\/i><\/a>, or learn more about how to get over a\u00a0break up<\/a>.\u00a0<\/i>She is also the author of\u00a0<\/i>\u201cThe Marriage and Relationship Junkie:Kicking your Obsession\u201d<\/i><\/a>. Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after online dating and relationship coach. For more information visit\u00a0<\/i>www.sherrygaba.com<\/i><\/a>.<\/i><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. However you got here\u2014whether your partner broke up with you, or you decided to break it off\u2014grief is a process you have to work through. Take the time to work all the way through it and you\u2019ll come out the other side stronger and smarter. In the beginning,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":402,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Happens After the Breakup - The Celebrity Therapist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What Happens After the Breakup - The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. However you got here\u2014whether your partner broke up with you, or you decided to break it off\u2014grief is a process you have to work through. Take the time to work all the way through it and you\u2019ll come out the other side stronger and smarter. In the beginning,…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-11-02T17:13:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2018-11-02T17:13:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2018\/11\/piano-571968_960_720-300x201.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sherry Gaba\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"What Happens After the Breakup - The Celebrity Therapist","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"What Happens After the Breakup - The Celebrity Therapist","og_description":"Love hurts. Sometimes it hurts a lot. However you got here\u2014whether your partner broke up with you, or you decided to break it off\u2014grief is a process you have to work through. Take the time to work all the way through it and you\u2019ll come out the other side stronger and smarter. In the beginning,…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html","og_site_name":"The Celebrity Therapist","article_published_time":"2018-11-02T17:13:41+00:00","article_modified_time":"2018-11-02T17:13:59+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2018\/11\/piano-571968_960_720-300x201.jpg"}],"author":"Sherry Gaba","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html","name":"What Happens After the Breakup - The Celebrity Therapist","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2018\/11\/piano-571968_960_720-300x201.jpg","datePublished":"2018-11-02T17:13:41+00:00","dateModified":"2018-11-02T17:13:59+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2018\/11\/piano-571968_960_720-300x201.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2018\/11\/piano-571968_960_720-300x201.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2018\/11\/what-happens-after-the-breakup.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"What Happens After the Breakup"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/","name":"The Celebrity Therapist","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Sherry Gaba","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e","name":"Sherry Gaba","description":"If you think you might be codependent or a love addict, get Sherry\u2019s FREE Ebook, \u201cThe Truth about Codependency\u201d https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/codependency-quiz\/ Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after transformationn and recovery coach. For more information visit www.sherrygaba.com or sign up today for Sherry\u2019s online group coaching program for codependents for $19\/month https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/become-a-member-co\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/author\/sherrygaba"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/402"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1287"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1291,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1287\/revisions\/1291"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1287"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1287"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1287"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}