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Here are some of the reasons why people settle for relationships that just don\u2019t give them what they need:<\/p>\nHere are some of the reasons why people settle for relationships that just don\u2019t give them what they need:<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve all been in the kind of relationship where friends and family members keep asking us why we stay with \u201cthat guy\u201d or \u201cthat woman.\u201d That partner we keep making excuses for: \u201cShe\u2019s just friends with all her ex-boyfriends.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe only drinks like that because his friends make him.\u201d \u201cWhen she\u2019s jealous, it\u2019s because she loves me so much.\u201d \u201cHe\u2019s not controlling, he\u2019s concerned about me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Choosing to stay only because you feel like you need someone<\/p>\n
When you have to make those kinds of excuses for your partner, you\u2019re not getting what you need. But it\u2019s embarrassing to admit that really, you stay because you feel like you need someone\u2014anyone\u2014in your life, even if they\u2019re far less than who you deserve.<\/p>\n
So you end up on relationship autopilot, making excuses for unacceptable behaviors, ignoring the warning signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship. When your partner disappoints you yet again, you get angry, then you make another excuse, then you stay.<\/p>\n
Here are some of the reasons why people settle for\u00a0relationships<\/a>\u00a0that just don\u2019t give them what they need.<\/p>\n When we deny what we really need, who our partner really is, whether or not we are actually happy, we are lying to ourselves.<\/p>\n Women, especially, are really good at this. We see only what we want to see, and explain away the rest.<\/p>\n The lies we tell ourselves and others begin to sound believable, as we desperately try to convince everyone that we are happily in love. It becomes easier to deceive ourselves than to face the truth.<\/p>\n We believe we can somehow change our partner, and make them the person we want and need them to be.<\/p>\n We assume that no matter what their history, somehow they will behave differently from us. We cling to romantic notions of what love \u201cshould\u201d feel and look like, and ignore our intuition when our reality doesn\u2019t align with our fantasy.<\/p>\n At the core of shame are deep feelings of inadequacy<\/p>\n At the core of shame are deep feelings of inadequacy. We feel unworthy, unlovable, and disconnected from others.<\/p>\n When we grow up being invalidated and misunderstood, we\u2019re already on the path to feeling we don\u2019t deserve much of anything.<\/p>\n Low self-esteem is often a result of shame.<\/p>\n If we grow up in a family where our needs were not met, validated, or even acknowledged, often we end up feeling that what we need isn\u2019t important, or that we\u2019re not worthy to get what we need. We end up sabotaging our relationships with controlling, rescuing, and\/or people-pleasing behaviors.<\/p>\n This doesn\u2019t mean we shouldn\u2019t depend on anyone; in fact, what we deserve is a healthy connection with a dependable partner.<\/p>\n But extreme dependence\u2014\u201cI can\u2019t exist without a partner\u201d\u2014is unhealthy.<\/p>\n In essence, we cannot recognize our own wholeness and completeness. We get into relationships feeling like half a person.<\/p>\n When we grow up in a family where our need for nurturing, attachment, and empathy is not met, emptiness is the result<\/p>\n When we grow up in a family where our need for nurturing, attachment, and empathy is not met, emptiness is the result. The children of families like this feel abandoned, and that feeling can persist into adulthood.<\/p>\n The emptiness can manifest itself as depression, anxiety, chronic loneliness, and isolation.<\/p>\n Missing out on early bonding with a primary caregiver can cause extreme fear of abandonment.<\/p>\n Children who are afraid they will be rejected end up taking on responsibilities way beyond what they are developmentally capable of. When these children become adults, the threat of rejection is still their biggest fear, so they are willing to do anything to keep their partner.<\/p>\n When we don\u2019t recognize and deal with these issues, we end up settling for less every time. So take a moment, slow it down, and check in as to what motivates you to push at making a relationship work even when you know deep down that you deserve better. The truth is that you deserve to find a\u00a0relationship<\/a>\u00a0where you don\u2019t have to settle.<\/p>\n Here are some of the reasons why people settle for relationships that just don\u2019t give them what they need: We\u2019ve all been in the kind of relationship where friends and family members keep asking us why we stay with \u201cthat guy\u201d or \u201cthat woman.\u201d That partner we keep making excuses for: \u201cShe\u2019s just friends with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":402,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1279","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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\u00a0<\/span>Take Sherry\u2019s quiz<\/a>\u00a0to find out if you are a love addict. You can find her new book,\u00a0The Marriage and Relationship Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession<\/a>\u00a0here. To learn more about Sherry Gaba and her work, visit\u00a0www.sherrygaba.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"