{"id":1141,"date":"2017-03-07T14:57:10","date_gmt":"2017-03-07T19:57:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?p=1141"},"modified":"2017-03-07T14:57:10","modified_gmt":"2017-03-07T19:57:10","slug":"picking-right-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html","title":{"rendered":"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-1142\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/243\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png\" alt=\"pick\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/>One of the most important aspects of our lives is the relationships we have with people. Biologically, we seek out mates and are social creatures.\u00a0 We crave companionship, be it from family, friends, or a partner.\u00a0 It is part of who we are as humans.<\/p>\n<p>As love addicts, we obsess and worry about our love relationships constantly.\u00a0 We seek out other partners immediately after a break-up, and never stay single for long. What&#8217;s the longest you&#8217;ve ever been single?<\/p>\n<p>Part of recovery is building loving and healthy relationships.\u00a0 What are your love relationships like?\u00a0 How have they made you feel?\u00a0 My relationships haven&#8217;t always been positive. I have been emotionally abused and settled for addicts, disregarding boundaries to feel what I used to think was love. \u00a0It made me feel worthless to constantly want be with people that were emotionally unavailable. I was always attracted to the addicts.<\/p>\n<p>When we choose people to be in our lives, we often choose people that feel safe and comfortable to us.\u00a0 We subconsciously pick relationships that mimic what our relationships in our childhoods were like (especially with our parents).\u00a0 When I first heard this in recovery, I was shocked to find how well it fit my life.\u00a0 That was when I realized my picker has been off! Does it hold true for yours?\u00a0 Are there any patterns in your relationships that you&#8217;ve noticed?<\/p>\n<p>Since we emulate our parents&#8217; relationships in our own, dysfunction feels normal for people like us.\u00a0 It&#8217;s what feels safe, and we gravitate towards it. Figuring that out can help you stop picking the wrong people!<\/p>\n<p>Figure out what feeling it is that makes you choose a particular person. For example, I always went with people that always made me feel a certain way. Those are the people I try to steer clear of now.\u00a0 Instead, I don&#8217;t go with the initial feeling I get for someone. I try to wait it out and get to know them, letting my interest grow.\u00a0 Eventually, the feeling will come!\u00a0 The most important thing to remember when choosing the people you want to be in a love relationship with are keeping your boundaries with yourself.\u00a0 What sort of boundaries can you set? Tell a friend, your sponsor, or therapist your boundary in order to have someone to be accountable to if you find yourself struggling. Don&#8217;t settle for anyone!<\/p>\n<p><em>Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of\u00a0 the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com <\/em><a href=\"mailto:sherry@sgabatherapy.com\"><em>sherry@sgabatherapy.com<\/em><\/a><em>.\u00a0 Find out if you are #codependent. Take my quiz.\u00a0 <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/co-dependency-quiz\/\"><em>http:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/co-dependency-quiz\/<\/em><\/a><em> 30 minute strategy session with Sherry <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/product\/30-minute-strategy-session-sherry-gaba\/\"><em>http:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/product\/30-minute-strategy-session-sherry-gaba\/<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the most important aspects of our lives is the relationships we have with people. Biologically, we seek out mates and are social creatures.\u00a0 We crave companionship, be it from family, friends, or a partner.\u00a0 It is part of who we are as humans. As love addicts, we obsess and worry about our love&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":402,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1141","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON - The Celebrity Therapist<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON - The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"One of the most important aspects of our lives is the relationships we have with people. Biologically, we seek out mates and are social creatures.\u00a0 We crave companionship, be it from family, friends, or a partner.\u00a0 It is part of who we are as humans. As love addicts, we obsess and worry about our love&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Celebrity Therapist\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-03-07T19:57:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sherry Gaba\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON - The Celebrity Therapist","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON - The Celebrity Therapist","og_description":"One of the most important aspects of our lives is the relationships we have with people. Biologically, we seek out mates and are social creatures.\u00a0 We crave companionship, be it from family, friends, or a partner.\u00a0 It is part of who we are as humans. As love addicts, we obsess and worry about our love&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html","og_site_name":"The Celebrity Therapist","article_published_time":"2017-03-07T19:57:10+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png"}],"author":"Sherry Gaba","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html","name":"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON - The Celebrity Therapist","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png","datePublished":"2017-03-07T19:57:10+00:00","dateModified":"2017-03-07T19:57:10+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/files\/2017\/03\/pick-300x225.png"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/2017\/03\/picking-right-person.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"PICKING THE RIGHT PERSON"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/","name":"The Celebrity Therapist","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Sherry Gaba","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/#\/schema\/person\/0741dfc75bdebc7207322576ec56d97e","name":"Sherry Gaba","description":"If you think you might be codependent or a love addict, get Sherry\u2019s FREE Ebook, \u201cThe Truth about Codependency\u201d https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/codependency-quiz\/ Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after transformationn and recovery coach. For more information visit www.sherrygaba.com or sign up today for Sherry\u2019s online group coaching program for codependents for $19\/month https:\/\/wakeuprecovery.com\/become-a-member-co\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/author\/sherrygaba"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1141","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/402"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1141"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1141\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1143,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1141\/revisions\/1143"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1141"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1141"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/thecelebritytherapist\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1141"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}