{"id":57,"date":"2011-06-01T22:09:52","date_gmt":"2011-06-02T02:09:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/sweetshore\/?p=57"},"modified":"2011-06-05T23:53:07","modified_gmt":"2011-06-06T03:53:07","slug":"57","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/sweetshore\/2011\/06\/57.html","title":{"rendered":"Surviving (and enjoying) Motherhood (Part 2)"},"content":{"rendered":"

5.\"\"<\/a> Allow your children to resolve their own struggles as long as it is safe (physically or emotionally).<\/strong> When you give your child tools and encourage him to work things out on his own, you will be giving him an enormous boost of confidence and the ability to face life “situations” as they come up. Whether it’s dealing with a difficult playmate, learning how to function in the classroom under a teacher who is more strict that the one he had last year or figuring out how to put something together without help, help him see the various aspects of the situation.\u00a0 Make sure he’s viewing it realistically and turn him loose to handle it. It’s not always necessary to charge in like a mama bear defending her young.\u00a0Let your child know that you are there to back him up and intervene if necessary<\/span>, but for the most part, let him learn to deal with challenges as they come up. There is a tremendous life lesson here and your children need to learn it.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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6. Always provide encouragement and motivation to excel in the areas where your child has a special ability or talent.<\/strong> It doesn’t matter whether she’s a talented musician, can play basketball really well or loves to draw; be a realistic “encourager”. Make sure\u00a0she has the necessary tools to do the things\u00a0she loves: an instrument, a good basketball and a hoop, or pencils, pens and paint. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

By the same token, don’t continually try to push a square peg into a round hole by trying to make\u00a0her become something\u00a0she’s not. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if your child really hates piano or is just going through a phase where she just doesn’t want to practice–you’ll have to use your judgment on that. And (I know, I’m not supposed to start a sentence with “and”), please, please<\/strong> develop the ability to view your child’s abilities with honesty. All of us have seen the auditions on American Idol, where the person can’t carry a tune in a bucket, but his mommy has told him all his life that he has a beautiful voice and will someday have a great singing career. You don’t do your children any favors if you tell them they are good at something they aren’t capable of doing.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

7. Listen, listen, listen!<\/strong> Listen even when your child is going on and on about something that you don’t think is very important. Just when you have given up on the meaningless conversation, your child will slip in a gem that tells you what’s really going on in his life–good things, bad things, fearful things.\u00a0 You won’t get your child to confide in you if you try to force the issue in a formal way.\u00a0 You may get some information out of him, but he won’t fully open up.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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An important aspect of listening is letting the other person get his complete thought out before you start thinking of ways to “fix” whatever’s going on.\u00a0 If you are non-judgmental, and don’t react too strongly when you hear something upsetting, you will get more information.\u00a0When it’s your turn to respond, you can ask questions, voice concerns and help him determine a plan of action if one is necessary.\u00a0 Be careful not to invalidate his\u00a0feelings even if you think he is wrong.\u00a0 Instead, try to draw him out and help him sort through things.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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8.\u00a0 Play with your children.<\/strong> Play formal games, play make-believe…teach them how to use their imaginations by using yours.\u00a0\u00a0My daughters and I used to play “Little House on the Prairie.”\u00a0 I was Ma (naturally) and they were Mary and Laura.\u00a0 It worked really well, because I could keep on doing “mommy” things while we played and they came in and out and pretended different scenarios. <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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Last night I was at\u00a0my son’s house and his 3 little girls were running around pretending to be super heroes.\u00a0 As soon as I walked in, they told me I had to be a superhero too.\u00a0 The funniest thing, though was the middle child who said, “When I spin around, I become invisible,” and then proceeded to run around banging into all the furniture.\u00a0 (If you’re invisible, you apparently can’t see anything.)<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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9.\u00a0 Teach them about God. <\/strong> From their earliest memories, they should be able to remember expressions of your faith.\u00a0 I used to sing “Jesus Loves\u00a0Me” to my babies when they were tiny.\u00a0 My granddaughters all love the song “In the Sweet By-and-By, because I’ve sung it to each of them from the time they were just brought home.\u00a0 I also sang it at the Memorial Celebration we had for our granddaughter, Faith, who is at home with Jesus.\u00a0 They’ve all fallen asleep to the words of that song.\u00a0 Tell them about God’s love.\u00a0 Read them simple Bible stories.\u00a0 Help them to incorporate Him into their every day thoughts by sharing simple truths appropriate to their age levels.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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It’s enough to just TELL them about God, you have to live out your faith<\/strong> where your children can see it.\u00a0 Every day, let them see you trusting God, being grateful to Him for what you have, having an attitude of faith and not a spirit of complaining.\u00a0 Show them how to live contentedly and teach them to share with those whose lives may not be as easy.\u00a0 Even when everything is not going the best, show them your faith.\u00a0 It’s also okay to let them see that when you’re discouraged or not feeling well, your relationship with your Heavenly Father remains strong–including times when you don’t understand what is going on or why.\u00a0 As you live out your faith on a daily basis, you serve as a flesh-and-blood model for them of how to live in God’s presence.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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10.\u00a0 Love them unconditionally. <\/strong>Your children need to know that you will always love them, whether they do everything exactly as you hope they will.\u00a0 Unconditional love doesn’t mean that you accept naughty or immoral behaviour, but that, even in the midst of correction and discipline, they remain secure in the fact that your love is constant.\u00a0 Model God’s love to them.\u00a0 He always loves, always forgives and assures us that when discipline is needed, it is because we are his kids. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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Hope you’ve enjoyed reading this post.\u00a0 I’d love to hear from you.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

5. Allow your children to resolve their own struggles as long as it is safe (physically or emotionally). When you give your child tools and encourage him to work things out on his own, you will be giving him an enormous boost of confidence and the ability to face life “situations” as they come up.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":424,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-how-to-survive-and-enjoy-motherhood-part-1","category-personal-observations"],"yoast_head":"\nSurviving (and enjoying) Motherhood (Part 2) - Sweet Shore<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/sweetshore\/2011\/06\/57.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Surviving (and enjoying) Motherhood (Part 2) - Sweet Shore\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"5. Allow your children to resolve their own struggles as long as it is safe (physically or emotionally). 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