{"id":237,"date":"2011-02-11T19:06:31","date_gmt":"2011-02-11T19:06:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/stuffchristianculturelikes\/2011\/02\/210-mandatory-chapel-at-bible-colleges.html"},"modified":"2011-02-11T19:06:31","modified_gmt":"2011-02-11T19:06:31","slug":"210-mandatory-chapel-at-bible-colleges","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/stuffchristianculturelikes\/2011\/02\/210-mandatory-chapel-at-bible-colleges.html","title":{"rendered":"#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"chapelturnstile1.jpg\"<\/span>Most Christian colleges require students to attend chapel
\nservices. Chapel is not an option, it’s part of the curriculum. If you don’t
\nfulfill your chapel quota, you don’t graduate.<\/p>\n

Though Christianity purports to operate under the auspices
\nof grace and generally claims that church attendance isn’t something God grades you on, Christian
\nculture doesn’t see it that way. All that Christ-given freedom could get out of
\nhand. That there freedom needs some good old-fashioned, Torah-caliber parameters.
\nThey can’t just let those students roam around free, pointing their bodies
\nwherever it seems like a good idea.  <\/span>Leave
\nit to religious institutions to take something wildly esoteric and beautiful (such
\nas as the gathering of believers in worship) and then find a way to monitor people’s
\nperformance and grade them on it. Christian colleges know they can’t actually
\nmake you worship, but they can make you appear to worship, and that’s good
\nenough for them. <\/p>\n

So how exactly do you appear to worship? You just have to
\nget your arse into chapel. If they could read your mind or inventory your heart
\nthey would, but they must settle for counting your presence in the chapel. In spite of all this chapel enthusiasm, you don’t have to attend every day. Some schools require 3 chapel attendances a week, some say seventeen per semester, etc. This of course engenders criminal mischief as students seek to evade chapel attendance. At schools where video imaging is used, seniors pay the freshmen to go to
\nchapel in their stead (a camera in the ceiling records who is sitting in which
\nassigned seat, so as long as a body is in your spot you are absolved) or if they have a card system they do
\nthe Slide ‘n Glide, where you scan your student ID at the chapel entrance and
\npromptly bail.<\/p>\n

The chapel services themselves start with some introductory praise
\n‘n worship with three-chord songs which are led by one of the three hottest
\nguys on campus and his pained expressions. He likes to look up at the vaulted ceiling
\nand intermittently close his eyes while singing, and every straight girl in the
\nbuilding prays again to be the future Mrs. Sexy Guitarist as a way to sublimate her lust.<\/p>\n

Chapel is also where you assess the spirituality of your
\nfellow students. If you are right with God or would like people to think you
\nare, you will stand while you are singing and sway around and maybe close your
\neyes and lift up your hands a little bit, especially if your friends are. If you
\naren’t right with God and feel terrible about it (chronic impatience with your roommate, repeated helpless making
\nout with the guitarist, not having consistent quiet times or not witnessing
\nenough), <\/span>you’ll <\/span>sit down and lean forward and radiate
\nhumility. Sometimes your friends who know your struggles pat you on the back
\nwhile they sing or they’ll sit down and put their arms around you (and boy do they
\nlook like awesome friends when they do that). If you aren’t right
\nwith God and you don’t care, or if you are right with him but you think mandatory chapel is a crock of shit, you might remain sitting and whisper to your
\nfriends just to make the people who are standing feel uncomfortable, because you’re
\npretty sure that if you are judging them then they are judging you. <\/p>\n

<\/span>After praise ‘n worship
\nyou have either liturgical prayers or Scripture readings, depending on how
\nreformed your school is, and then the Dean of Chapel delivers a message or
\nhomily (so named depending again on degree of reformation).  <\/span>It is a rare homily in which sports are not
\nthe primary analogical inspiration. Most people nod off or do homework at this
\npoint. Guest speakers frequently give the chapel homily. These speakers are usually balding males who are running for some kind of Republican office or assisting
\nsomeone who is running for Republican office, and the message is on how God is
\nusing their campaign to make America more godly. Other times the message is
\ngiven by students. These messages always feature a slideshow from a recent missions
\ntrip and an accompanying tale of the difficulty they had at first to keep the
\nright attitude in the intense heat with no running water, and they always conclude with
\nhow much the trip changed them. There aren’t very many female guest speakers at
\nchapel, come to think of it.<\/p>\n

Time passes quicker if you can manage some light petting, as
\nJames Dobson calls it. Whenever you are in a university chapel you are
\nsurrounded by couples with perfect clothes and hair snuggling and holding hands
\nand rubbing each other’s backs and playing with each other’s hair. Then there’s
\nalways a mad rush to get to class once the service is over. If you went to the
\ntrouble of going to chapel you would like for everyone to know it, so while
\nwaiting for class to start you will discuss the chapel speaker with what you hope is intensity and
\ndissect the theology in the message while using as many big words as possible.
\nYou can tell which people didn’t go to chapel that morning because they’re the
\nones keeping quiet.  <\/span>Also, they’re already
\nseated and they aren’t out of breath.<\/p>\n

If you haven’t fulfilled your chapel quota by the end of the
\nsemester, you are placed on Chapel Probation. Depending on your school you are
\nthen required to attend make-up chapels, pay a fine, or do a report on a
\nChristian book for every mandatory chapel missed. On top of mandatory chapel,
\nsome schools require you to attend church as well. Church attendance is harder for
\nthem to monitor so it operates on the honor system, and you are exhausted and
\nbored to tears from all those mandatory chapels, so you usually don’t go and say you did.
\nThis of course has the side effect of extra guilt, as if you didn’t have enough
\nguilt already at Christian college.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christian colleges know they can\u2019t actually make you worship, but they can make you appear to worship, and that\u2019s good enough for them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":208,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,81,340],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-bible-college","category-doing-things-and-avoiding-relationship","category-mandatory-chapel"],"yoast_head":"\n#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college - Stuff Christian Culture Likes<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/stuffchristianculturelikes\/2011\/02\/210-mandatory-chapel-at-bible-colleges.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"#210 Mandatory chapel at Bible college - 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