{"id":677,"date":"2011-06-02T05:35:09","date_gmt":"2011-06-02T09:35:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/simplelife\/?p=677"},"modified":"2011-06-01T19:42:05","modified_gmt":"2011-06-01T23:42:05","slug":"the-autistic-child-and-discipline-from-special-heart","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2011\/06\/the-autistic-child-and-discipline-from-special-heart.html","title":{"rendered":"The Autistic Child and Discipline from Special Heart"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is an excellent piece I received from Bev Linder. \u00a0There is a great deal to learn from her regarding autism.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Special Heart<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

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The Autistic Child and Discipline<\/strong><\/p>\n

Although I have had two children with special needs, and although one of them had some autistic tendencies, I have never raised a child diagnosed with autism.\u00a0\u00a0But I have observed from afar what the parents of such a child are faced with, and it is often a daunting task to raise, nurture, and seek to have this child\u2019s gifts be appreciated by the rest of society.<\/p>\n

And to make matters even more difficult, it\u2019s hard to discern how to correct, discipline, and establish boundaries for the autistic child, knowing that he or she is \u201cwired\u201d a little differently\u00a0from most kids.\u00a0\u00a0What is fair?\u00a0\u00a0What is effective?\u00a0\u00a0Is there a different standard for children who are on the autism spectrum?<\/p>\n

There are many sides to these questions.\u00a0\u00a0Let me offer first the side of compassion:\u00a0\u00a0When I was very, very ill with an autoimmune condition several years ago, there were symptoms that were amazingly similar to those experienced by many autistic children\u2013severe food sensitivities and allergies, environmental sensitivities, intolerance of man-made fabrics, of florescent lights, and a hyper response to strong smells and loud sounds.\u00a0\u00a0As a result, I can somewhat relate to and definitely sympathize with the child who endures these disturbing sensations.\u00a0 I could hardly handle it as an adult.\u00a0 I really do feel for any child who struggles in this way.<\/p>\n

\"\"At the peak of my illness, God directed me to a kind doctor who said, \u201cYou are very fragile, like a piece of fine china or crystal.\u00a0We need to treat you with this in mind.\u201d\u00a0How relieved I felt that he saw me in this way rather than as a person with imaginary problems! Thankfully, since then, my hyper-responses have calmed.<\/p>\n

Looking back at my experience, my doctor\u2019s words can be advice to parents of the autistic child:\u00a0\u00a0to treat him or her as a piece of fine china.\u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t be afraid to parent and guide with boundaries, accountability, and the kind of structure that all kids need.\u00a0\u00a0But do it all with an extra dose of care and gentleness.<\/p>\n

So that is one side.\u00a0\u00a0The other side is two-fold and has to do with discipline.\u00a0\u00a0First, God\u2019s standards, commands, promises, and blessings apply to\u00a0all <\/em>children. For example, God says,<\/p>\n

\u201cChildren obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.<\/p>\n

Honor your father and your mother (which is the first commandment with a promise) so that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth.\u201d\u00a0 Ephesians 6:1 NASB<\/p>\n

\"\"Notice that God\u2019s intention for having standards for children is so that \u201cit may be well\u201d with them.\u00a0They may even live longer, according to this verse!\u00a0\u00a0So God\u2019s commands do apply to the autistic child, although getting to the goal of obedience and a sense of \u201cotherness\u201d will without a doubt be a longer and harder road than for the\u00a0more typical child.<\/p>\n

The other factor in disciplining the child on \u201cthe spectrum\u201d is that although she may not know intuitively how people around her are responding to her behavior, she can be taught and can learn through rules, or you might call them \u201cguidelines.\u201d<\/p>\n

Temple Grandin, in her book,\u00a0Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships<\/em>, emphasizes that although as an autistic child, she had trouble understanding appropriate social behavior, she did benefit from consistent expectations and consequences.<\/p>\n

When I was a young child, everything pretty much got me equally upset.\u00a0\u00a0My thinking patterns were more rigid, more black and white than shades of gray.\u00a0\u00a0I was fortunate that\u00a0\u00a0our home life was structured and Mother and the nanny were consistent in their expectations of me and the consequences they attached to my behaviors.\u00a0\u00a0That sameness was calming to some degree, it allowed me to experience a sense of order and control.<\/em><\/p>\n

Throughout the book, Temple describes that she had to learn things, particularly things that were social in nature, that other kids might know intuitively.\u00a0\u00a0However, she did learn, as she describes it, like putting data on a hard drive on a computer.\u00a0\u00a0But it did take time.<\/p>\n

Sean Barron, Temple\u2019s coauthor who, like Temple, demonstrated \u201cclassic autism\u201d\u00a0at a very\u00a0early age, writes this about manners and how he had to learn about being others-aware:<\/p>\n

The rule of displaying good manners extends beyond please and thank you.\u00a0 It\u2019s not enough to make good eye contact and be sure the shirt is tucked in. Good manners also incorporate\u00a0 inclusive conversation. <\/em><\/p>\n

Realize that Sean was quite language delayed when he was young, so any conversation was hard for him!\u00a0 But he eventually\u00a0learned<\/em> to say things like \u201cWell, I\u2019ve talked enough about myself.\u00a0 I\u2019d like to learn more about you.\u201d<\/p>\n

All of this progress was slow in coming, but the end result was that Temple and Sean are now able to bless others with the gifts they possess, and able to enjoy the satisfaction of being a very positive contribution to the society in which they live.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve noticed that parents of kids with autism are often able to see beyond their \u201ccondition\u201d to the giftedness that is within them.\u00a0\u00a0A combination of compassion and discipline, will help to draw out that treasure that is assuredly there for all to see and experience.\u00a0\u00a0I encourage you to not give up.\u00a0\u00a0Your child has so much to offer, and your labor of love will eventually be a blessing to you, to your child, and to the many others who benefit from getting to know him!<\/p>\n

Bev Linder<\/p>\n

Comments or questions?\u00a0 I\u2019d love to hear from you!<\/p>\n

Bev@special-heart.com<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is an excellent piece I received from Bev Linder. \u00a0There is a great deal to learn from her regarding autism. Special Heart The Autistic Child and Discipline Although I have had two children with special needs, and although one of them had some autistic tendencies, I have never raised a child diagnosed with autism.\u00a0\u00a0But…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":387,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,5,20,3,40,10,16,8,85,12],"tags":[690,131,21,688,696,7,699,701,13,694,19,689,57,692,132,700],"class_list":["post-677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-autism-spectrum","category-christianity","category-church","category-developmental-disabilities","category-faith","category-inspirational","category-intellectual-disability","category-mentally-challenged-community","category-prayer-2","category-religion","tag-autism-spectrum","tag-bev-linder","tag-christian","tag-christianity","tag-church","tag-developmental-disabilities-2","tag-faith","tag-inspiration","tag-intellectual-disabilities","tag-intellectual-disability","tag-mental-retardation","tag-mentally-challenged-community","tag-prayer","tag-religion","tag-special-heart","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Autistic Child and Discipline from Special Heart - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2011\/06\/the-autistic-child-and-discipline-from-special-heart.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Autistic Child and Discipline from Special Heart - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is an excellent piece I received from Bev Linder. \u00a0There is a great deal to learn from her regarding autism. 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