{"id":3266,"date":"2012-11-13T10:39:30","date_gmt":"2012-11-13T15:39:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/simplelife\/?p=3266"},"modified":"2012-11-13T10:39:30","modified_gmt":"2012-11-13T15:39:30","slug":"communication-i-dont-understand-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html","title":{"rendered":"Communication: I don’t understand it"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>\"\"Recently, I visited a neighboring Special Gathering program to practice our Christmas music. We are a ministry within the mentally challenged community. \u00a0I am the director of four of our choirs. \u00a0It seemed like a good idea. However, it appears that I really messed up. \u00a0After the practice, I heard that I \u201cput down\u201d this great choir. \u00a0I was shocked because I was so completely impressed with them that I thought they were the best choir of the four with which I\u2019ve worked.<\/p>\n

In my attempts to compliment this choir, I assume I mixed up the names and somehow the result was that the choir felt insulted. \u00a0That was the last thing I wanted to do. \u00a0Fortunately, the choir members told someone; and I was able to straighten out the misunderstanding.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Communication is perhaps the most tricky thing that we do as Christians. \u00a0Often, when we are trying to show compassion, we are accused of being harsh or judgmental. \u00a0Our great intentions can be viewed as meddling or interference.<\/p>\n

I wish I could give some great pointers that would direct you to a better way of communication; but, as my recent experience shows, I\u2019m still a novice in this area.<\/p>\n

I am encouraged, however, when I read the scriptures. \u00a0Two great Titans of the faith, Paul and Peter, became meshed in the lack of communication webbed tangle. \u00a0Paul rebuked Peter who sat with the Jews at a meal when Gentiles were also partaking at the meal. \u00a0This was seen as an insult to the Gentiles. \u00a0It was a pretty stupid move on the part of Peter and probably deserved rebuke.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Peter, on the other hand, wrote that Paul\u2019s teachings were so complicated that, at times, even he could not understand what Paul was try to say. \u00a0This gives me encouragement, because I often find my eyes glazing over while reading Paul\u2019s letters. \u00a0Even though, I\u2019ve read them hundred\u2019s of times, I\u2019m still perplexed by what Paul actually meant by certain sentences and paragraphs.<\/p>\n

There are a couple of things I have learned when communication turns sour and you are the offending party.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Try to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. \u00a0Don\u2019t let things linger.<\/li>\n
  2. Don\u2019t let our natural inclination to avoid confrontation interfer with the need to find common ground.<\/li>\n
  3. Apologize. \u00a0Even if you are absolutely sure that the other person has misunderstood, you are partially at fault because your communication fell apart at some point.<\/li>\n
  4. Be honest.<\/li>\n
  5. Try to find common ground by assuring the person you did not intend to offend them.<\/li>\n
  6. Find something that you admire about the other person; and let them know how much you respect them in this area.<\/li>\n
  7. Be humble. \u00a0Allow yourself to take the blame. \u00a0In the scheme of eternity, this incident will probably not bleep on God\u2019s Richter Scale.<\/li>\n
  8. \"\"<\/a>Don\u2019t cower. \u00a0Even if you are the offending party, stand straight and expect respect by you actions. \u00a0It will not help your relationship to become a whipping boy for the offended party. While this may sound contratictory, humility does not mean that you become someone\u2019s door mat. \u00a0In fact, it should have the opposite effect.<\/li>\n
  9. Don\u2019t expect men and women to react the same way. \u00a0Men will be brief and polite but their attitudes may seem dismissive. \u00a0Women will either want to rehearse the offense again; or they will want to rehearse your apology as a way of affirming you.<\/li>\n
  10. I believe that face-to-face communication is often the best. \u00a0I learned many years ago that I am almost never\u00a0offended when I am facing another person. \u00a0It is the rehearsal of the event or the process of routine thinking that magnifies the event into an insult. \u00a0Psychologists tell us that this is true with most people.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Will these steps erase all offenses? \u00a0No. But they may go a long way in helping you to mend important fences in your life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Recently, I visited a neighboring Special Gathering program to practice our Christmas music. We are a ministry within the mentally challenged community. \u00a0I am the director of four of our choirs. \u00a0It seemed like a good idea. However, it appears that I really messed up. \u00a0After the practice, I heard that I \u201cput down\u201d this…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":387,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,20,3,40,186,49,16,8,4,41],"tags":[576,690,21,577,688,696,575,7,699,715,701,694,689,6,700],"class_list":["post-3266","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christianity","category-church","category-developmental-disabilities","category-faith","category-hope","category-inspiration","category-intellectual-disability","category-mentally-challenged-community","category-simple-truths","category-spirituality","tag-apology","tag-autism-spectrum","tag-christian","tag-christian-feuds","tag-christianity","tag-church","tag-communication","tag-developmental-disabilities-2","tag-faith","tag-hope","tag-inspiration","tag-intellectual-disability","tag-mentally-challenged-community","tag-simple-scriptural-truths","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nCommunication: I don't understand it - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Communication: I don't understand it - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Recently, I visited a neighboring Special Gathering program to practice our Christmas music. We are a ministry within the mentally challenged community. \u00a0I am the director of four of our choirs. \u00a0It seemed like a good idea. However, it appears that I really messed up. \u00a0After the practice, I heard that I \u201cput down\u201d this…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-11-13T15:39:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/specialgathering.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/11\/apology2.jpg?w=510\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda G. Howard\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Communication: I don't understand it - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Communication: I don't understand it - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith","og_description":"Recently, I visited a neighboring Special Gathering program to practice our Christmas music. We are a ministry within the mentally challenged community. \u00a0I am the director of four of our choirs. \u00a0It seemed like a good idea. However, it appears that I really messed up. \u00a0After the practice, I heard that I \u201cput down\u201d this…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html","og_site_name":"A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith","article_published_time":"2012-11-13T15:39:30+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/specialgathering.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/11\/apology2.jpg?w=510"}],"author":"Linda G. Howard","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html","name":"Communication: I don't understand it - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"http:\/\/specialgathering.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/11\/apology2.jpg?w=510","datePublished":"2012-11-13T15:39:30+00:00","dateModified":"2012-11-13T15:39:30+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/#\/schema\/person\/a10d3530d8432a656d648135fe6da739"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html#primaryimage","url":"http:\/\/specialgathering.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/11\/apology2.jpg?w=510","contentUrl":"http:\/\/specialgathering.files.wordpress.com\/2012\/11\/apology2.jpg?w=510"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/11\/communication-i-dont-understand-it.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Communication: I don’t understand it"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/","name":"A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith","description":"Beliefnet Voices - Linda Howard","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/#\/schema\/person\/a10d3530d8432a656d648135fe6da739","name":"Linda G. Howard","description":"Linda G. Howard is the best-selling and award-winning author of four books, including MOTHERS ARE PEOPLE, TOO and THE SECRET LIFE OF A HOUSEWIFE. Currently, she serves as area director of The Special Gathering, a ministry within the mentally challenged community. Additionally, she is the co-publisher and editor of CONNECTING POINT, the ministry newsletter. Her husband is a retired aerospace technologist who worked for NASA. They have three children and four grandchildren.","sameAs":["http:\/\/specialgathering.wordpress.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/author\/lhoward"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3266","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/387"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3266"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3277,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3266\/revisions\/3277"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}