{"id":2858,"date":"2012-07-14T08:45:35","date_gmt":"2012-07-14T12:45:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/simplelife\/?p=2858"},"modified":"2012-07-18T20:45:25","modified_gmt":"2012-07-19T00:45:25","slug":"the-enabler","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/07\/the-enabler.html","title":{"rendered":"The Enabler"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>Because of unusual circumstances a good friend of mine was recently called “an enabler.” \u00a0Of course, I’ve known I am an enabler and I’ve recognized it for years. \u00a0I believe that the stem of enabling is a super-large ego that actually believes that my actions will heal all things in your life. \u00a0There can even be a big mixture of a Messiah complex that says that without me, you will not survive.<\/p>\n

However, in the mix of that is the person who truly needs our help. \u00a0Whenever I am ready to judge another person for enabling their children, grandchildren, wife or husband, I think of my friend Eleanor. \u00a0She was a wonderful Christian teacher whose children had grown up, married, struggled immensely but became successful.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Eleanor would constantly speak to the members of her Bible study class about enabling their children who were not succeeding. \u00a0These women had come to the Lord at a later age and their children had paid the price of their ungodly, wild lifestyles. \u00a0The children were undisciplined and unable to remain off the Mommy Dole. \u00a0Eleanor counseled her students to use tough love with their children and grandchildren, allowing them to learn from their mistakes. \u00a0“Don’t let your children move back home,” Eleanor would lecture. \u00a0“You are only hindering their spiritual growth. \u00a0I don’t care if their husbands have left them and their children are hungry, they won’t grow unless you stop bailing them out of every tough situation.”<\/p>\n

Then the unthinkable happened. Eleanor’s son-in-law came home one day and told his wife that he was leaving her and the children because he had fallen in love with his secretary. \u00a0The son-in-law was the pastor of a large church. \u00a0Therefore, he was also leaving his church, taking a salesman’s job. \u00a0Of course, he would not be supporting her and the children. \u00a0They had to move from their home, the parsonage. \u00a0Within a week, her daughter and three grandchildren were broke, homeless and fatherless.<\/p>\n

Without any thought of right or wrong, the daughter and children moved back home with her parents. \u00a0The members of the Bible study called, “Foul.” \u00a0They went to Eleanor asking the obvious questions. \u00a0Of course, Eleanor announced that her situation as unique. \u00a0Her daughter was the wounded party, and her grandchildren were special.<\/p>\n

When the Bible study members came to me asking my opinion, I had to take Eleanor’s side. \u00a0“What would you do?” I asked. \u00a0What Eleanor had taught, lectured and placed on the back of others did not negate the fact that her desperate daughter needed help.<\/p>\n

From that day, I realized that enabling is in the eye of the beholder. \u00a0When it’s my hungry grandchildren… \u00a0When it’s my wounded adult child…<\/p>\n

Yesterday my close friend who had been called an enabler visited me. “What should I do?” she asked. \u00a0I told her the story of Eleanor and confessed, “I have no idea.”<\/p>\n

Then I remembered the great blessings God has poured on my friend, The Enabler. \u00a0She lives on basically nothing but she lives like a “rich man.” \u00a0God blesses what she has to the extreme. \u00a0I realized that whatever she is doing with the dependent people doesn’t seem to bother God. \u00a0He is pouring out material and spiritual blessings on her by the truck load.<\/p>\n

At times, there are no answers to the why’s and wherefore’s of God’s grace. \u00a0Opening your home to family may not be the way God wants to deal with an errant young person. \u00a0Yet, it could be exactly what God is desiring to do for them. \u00a0Enablers must be constantly on the alert to be sure that we are enpowering–not hindering. \u00a0However, we cannot close our hearts to hear what God is saying, either.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Working with people who’s children are developmentally disabled has been an eye-opening experience for me. \u00a0What a tricky path professionals, caregivers and parents walk between promoting a person’s independent skills and talents while allowing them to grow up whole and holy.<\/p>\n

There are no easy answers; but I truly believe that God will give each of us the answers that will help us to truly follow Him. At times, it may mean using tough love. \u00a0But it could also mean enfolding a loved one into our families and providing whatever is needed. \u00a0There doesn’t seem to any pat answers when it’s our children. \u00a0Perhaps God has designed life that way to keep us on our knees, dependent on him.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Because of unusual circumstances a good friend of mine was recently called “an enabler.” \u00a0Of course, I’ve known I am an enabler and I’ve recognized it for years. \u00a0I believe that the stem of enabling is a super-large ego that actually believes that my actions will heal all things in your life. \u00a0There can even…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":387,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,5,20,3,40,186,49,16,8,4,41],"tags":[690,21,688,7,699,715,701,694,689,6,700],"class_list":["post-2858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-autism-spectrum","category-christianity","category-church","category-developmental-disabilities","category-faith","category-hope","category-inspiration","category-intellectual-disability","category-mentally-challenged-community","category-simple-truths","category-spirituality","tag-autism-spectrum","tag-christian","tag-christianity","tag-developmental-disabilities-2","tag-faith","tag-hope","tag-inspiration","tag-intellectual-disability","tag-mentally-challenged-community","tag-simple-scriptural-truths","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Enabler - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/07\/the-enabler.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Enabler - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Because of unusual circumstances a good friend of mine was recently called “an enabler.” \u00a0Of course, I’ve known I am an enabler and I’ve recognized it for years. \u00a0I believe that the stem of enabling is a super-large ego that actually believes that my actions will heal all things in your life. \u00a0There can even…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2012\/07\/the-enabler.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-07-14T12:45:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-07-19T00:45:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/simplelife\/files\/2012\/07\/enabler.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Linda G. 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