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<\/a>Nancy, also a recent widow, has called me several times since my husband died\u00a0just to be sure that I’m all right.<\/em><\/p>\nWe sat for an hour, eating, laughing and crying about our husbands and our present lives. \u00a0Over the months of sorrow and grief, I’ve been upheld and supported by many people who have shown exceptional love. \u00a0Here are 10 things that I’ve learned about supporting others and thereby winning friends from the men and women who have loved me through my present situation.<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n<\/a>I don’t always feel sad. \u00a0Yet, I realize there are times that I simply need to talk. \u00a0My friends listen. \u00a0<\/strong>They allow me to vent and express my feelings. \u00a0Winning and supporting friends may not mean there will be answers to my concerns. \u00a0It means I have someone who will take the time to listen to me.<\/p>\n<\/a>There are people in my life who walk along side me during good and bad times. \u00a0They aren’t afraid to come close enough to see my tears and share my laughter. \u00a0This past year has held some significant times of sorrow for me and my family. \u00a0Again and again, folks allow me to talk openly about my sorrow without interrupting me. <\/strong>\u00a0These special people have won a place in my heart.<\/p>\n<\/a>As a child, I learned that even in the middle of the most sorrowful events, there can be laughter. \u00a0When I reached adulthood, I discovered that not everyone can laugh with you during times of grief and uncertainty. \u00a0When I find people who aren’t afraid to laugh with a me<\/strong> about situations and events that have happened during the last year, I cling to their love, understanding and friendship. \u00a0These friends show exceptional grace in their ability to share laughter with a sorrowing heart.<\/p>\n<\/a>My tears often flow easily. \u00a0Close friends allow me to cry freely without embarrassment<\/strong>.\u00a0It can be awkward to have someone whose eyes tear up without an apparent triggering event. \u00a0During the past months, I’ve cried over lunch and standing in the middle of a pile of laundry. \u00a0I’ve cried in public and alone. \u00a0One day, when I was running late for an appointment, I cried when I had to stop for a red light. \u00a0People who aren’t embarrassed by my tears keep me going because they show an exceptional amount of love.<\/p>\n<\/a>Contemporary life is busy and we are all acquainted with important people who have important things to do. \u00a0Often it has been the people who are the busiest who\u00a0take time for me<\/strong>. \u00a0These men and women work into their lives, significant time to spend with me. \u00a0One close friend calls me while traveling from one appointment to another. \u00a0Pam invites me to have dinner with her family. She is willing to appropriate a significant amount of her week to being with me. \u00a0I don’t need to perform, to be witty or entertain her. \u00a0She simply wants to take time for me. \u00a0Once again, Pam has sealed our friendship by supporting me.<\/p>\n<\/a>When appropriate, my friends–especially the men–don’t let me drone on and on<\/strong> about my past and present situations. \u00a0Often, I can become a boring, sorrowful wimp who only wants to whine about my circumstances. \u00a0There are a group of men and women that I meet with each week. \u00a0The men in the group are compassionate and loving…up to a point. \u00a0Then they want to hear the bottom line. \u00a0I find that drawing a line in my life’s sand pile has been extremely beneficial to my recovery from grief.<\/p>\n<\/a>People haven’t been afraid to give me advice regarding important financial decisions<\/strong> that I’ve had to make. During a time of grief, our brains become a scrambled mass of gray matter that doesn’t work efficiently. \u00a0Again and again, people I trust have spoken out to help me make wise decisions. \u00a0Funeral expenses, nursing home costs and other expenses have ripped apart budgets and finances. \u00a0I’ve valued the sound advice of people who care enough to tell me their opinion regarding things that need to happen regarding finances.<\/p>\n<\/a>Several months ago, \u00a0a good friend and his family came for a visit. \u00a0After they left, I found several household repairs that were needed had been completed. \u00a0Like him, other friends have given added support. \u00a0These\u00a0people have become proactive about decisions that I’ve been hesitant to make.<\/strong>\u00a0 Unsure about my financial status, I didn’t want to spend money on repairs that were needed. \u00a0His support extended from advice to action. \u00a0I’ll always appreciate his proactive help.<\/p>\n<\/a>\u00a0Close friends have not been afraid to advise me to slow down<\/strong> when they’ve seen me rushing into life-changing decisions. \u00a0Immediately after a traumatic event or great sorrow, significant life decisions should not be made during the first year. \u00a0Even knowing this, I’ve almost slipped over the edge and made some decisions that would have been hasty. \u00a0I’ve valued the advice of friends who have questioned my ability to make such important decisions at this time.<\/p>\n