{"id":2056,"date":"2011-11-08T01:00:49","date_gmt":"2011-11-08T06:00:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/simplelife\/?p=2056"},"modified":"2011-11-04T07:26:13","modified_gmt":"2011-11-04T11:26:13","slug":"i-wish-id-known","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2011\/11\/i-wish-id-known.html","title":{"rendered":"I wish I’d known"},"content":{"rendered":"

I walked away from my conversation with John’s only remaining family, a sister and brother-in-law, wishing I had known him better when he was alive.\u00a0 But that always happens when I interview a family before attempting to conduct a memorial service or funeral.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>John died on a Wednesday.\u00a0 He was a member of The Special Gathering, a ministry within the mentally challenged community.\u00a0 An important part of our Melbourne program\u00a0and a member of the choir, we were often cloistered in the van traveling with the rest of the singers.<\/p>\n

Therefore, I probably knew him as well as anyone did,\u00a0other than his family.\u00a0 But I realized as I got into my car and sat for a few moments reflecting on John’s life that there was so much more to know about him.\u00a0 These were important things about his past that\u00a0had shaped\u00a0him into\u00a0the man\u00a0I admired.<\/p>\n

There were vital details that I didn’t know or understand.\u00a0 John was 84 when he died.\u00a0 Which means that he was about 74 when I met him.\u00a0 He was a tall and thin man who always stood\u00a0straight, proud\u00a0and erect.\u00a0 He smiled often but you had to savor his words because\u00a0he didn’t often share his thoughts with anyone.<\/p>\n

John was born and raised on the farm.\u00a0 All his life, he knew hard, hard work.\u00a0 Therefore, he\u00a0was stronger than most men half his age.\u00a0 He loved to work; but,\u00a0like many people, he was hesitant to push himself into an unknown\u00a0situation, concerned that he might make a mistake.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>For 65 years, John was a devoted train watcher.\u00a0 The trains carried coal from the mines of Pennsylvania,\u00a0running directly through the middle of the farm.\u00a0 Most of his life, his partner in the fields was his father.\u00a0 Unwavering, the pair\u00a0sweated through the heat of the day and pouring rain.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0But the\u00a0men would leave their plow and hoe and straighten up as soon as the rambling or whistle could be heard.\u00a0 They would\u00a0take off their hat, pull out\u00a0a handkerchief and wipe the sweat from their face and neck.\u00a0\u00a0The\u00a0duo watched\u00a0every train as\u00a0the cars\u00a0ambled or raced\u00a0through the middle of their crops.<\/p>\n

“If Mother caught them, she would scold unmercifully,” his sister reported, but her temper\u00a0couldn’t\u00a0keep them from stopping when the next trains rambled past.<\/p>\n

After John severely broke his leg at the age of 65, his sister and her husband brought him to Florida.\u00a0 He lived with them for the next 15 years.\u00a0 He continued to work, helping with the household chores.\u00a0 He went to Easter Seals at the Alzheimer’s section.\u00a0 Though he had not one bit of Alzheimer’s, he delighted in helping to push the wheelchairs of the other more frail members of the troop.<\/p>\n

While we don’t ever admit it, there is something wonderful about death, that final passage of life.\u00a0 Because people stop to remember.\u00a0\u00a0We brace our hoe\u00a0under their armpit and take off their hats.\u00a0\u00a0Slowly, we\u00a0wipe our brows and listen and embrace the rambling noise of memories.\u00a0\u00a0And for a brief moment in time, we allow ourselves to rejoice in the past.<\/p>\n

Jesus said at the last supper, “Do this to remember me.”\u00a0 Memory is a vital part of the Judeo-Christian heritage.\u00a0 The passover is a ritual of remembering.\u00a0 But somehow we refuse to do it.\u00a0 Our lives are wrapped tightly in the present and future.\u00a0 Even our older generations, don’t take the time to remember…or we don’t take the time to listen.<\/p>\n

But death\u00a0abruptly unwraps\u00a0the cocoons of\u00a0our present and our future and we come to a screeching halt as the noise of the\u00a0past slaps us in the face.\u00a0 The only thing John’s family, friends and\u00a0I have left are our memories of him.\u00a0 His quick smile.\u00a0 The way he said, “I know.”\u00a0 Consequently, for a few days, we’ll savor and nourish and treasure those memories.\u00a0 We will remember.<\/p>\n

What are the treasured memories you have of your family and friends?\u00a0 What family member do you miss the most?\u00a0 What memories are you impressing on your family and members?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I walked away from my conversation with John’s only remaining family, a sister and brother-in-law, wishing I had known him better when he was alive.\u00a0 But that always happens when I interview a family before attempting to conduct a memorial service or funeral. John died on a Wednesday.\u00a0 He was a member of The Special…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":387,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,20,40,287,186,49,8,4],"tags":[21,688,696,14,699,715,701,694,323,692,6,700],"class_list":["post-2056","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christianity","category-church","category-faith","category-faiths","category-hope","category-inspiration","category-mentally-challenged-community","category-simple-truths","tag-christian","tag-christianity","tag-church","tag-death-and-dying","tag-faith","tag-hope","tag-inspiration","tag-intellectual-disability","tag-memorial-services","tag-religion","tag-simple-scriptural-truths","tag-spirituality"],"yoast_head":"\nI wish I'd known - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/simplelife\/2011\/11\/i-wish-id-known.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I wish I'd known - A Simple Life, a Childlike Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I walked away from my conversation with John’s only remaining family, a sister and brother-in-law, wishing I had known him better when he was alive.\u00a0 But that always happens when I interview a family before attempting to conduct a memorial service or funeral. 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