{"id":98,"date":"2014-06-10T23:12:00","date_gmt":"2014-06-10T23:12:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/sassyspirit\/?p=98"},"modified":"2014-06-10T23:43:18","modified_gmt":"2014-06-10T23:43:18","slug":"the-art-of-saying-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/sassyspirit\/2014\/06\/the-art-of-saying-no.html","title":{"rendered":"The Art of Saying No"},"content":{"rendered":"

Oh, ladies especially. . .don’t you just love saying no<\/strong>. I mean saying no is so empowering, but so damn hard sometimes, except with our children, of course. It comes really easily to some women, but not to me, so I had to study the art of saying no<\/em> by seeing how others did it.\u00a0 I’ve watched business women my whole life, starting with my mom. I’ve also seen women portrayed on TV as the bitchy business-like\u00a0vixen\u00a0type, think\u00a0Alexis Carrington.\u00a0\u00a0I reference Dynasty a lot, I can’t help it, I was a child of the 8o’s. I wanted to be like that strong, fierce woman. I didn’t want to hurt anyone though and could see how those “types” often destroyed their lives from the inside out.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Due to\u00a0having this tough\u00a0fa\u00e7ade, their pretty smile and mean attitude, with their\u00a0guard up permanently, things seem effortless. When you’re young, you secretly wanted to be that mean girl who says no for sport, because life seems easier for her and more fun.\u00a0 She never seemed to get her feels hurt.\u00a0 I was\u00a0the opposite. I wanted to be liked and seen as nice. Which meant I did not have healthy boundaries and couldn’t say no. In my twenties, I would be in a conversation and wouldn’t want to seem weird, weak, or wrong so I’d keep my mouth shut when I didn’t agree. Or I’d get crazy mad if someone pushed my buttons and I felt stupid, attacked, embarrassed or talked down to. I didn’t have a healthy no. I didn’t know how to be fierce and loving. I was a people pleaser with a lot of resentment.<\/p>\n

I see lots of woman that struggle like I have, working on with that love in their heart\/ fourth chakra (self-love related and living through love versus fear)\u00a0and power in the solar plexus\/third charka (worthiness and owning your brilliance). Standing up for yourself with love is key. This does not matter if anyone likes it. This is your life.\u00a0 I’ve read thyroid imbalances are linked to this as well,\u00a0 Standing up for yourself in ALL areas of your life and verbalizing it.\u00a0 You can be kind and powerful.<\/p>\n

I’ve found that women who are not used to\u00a0standing up for themselves and saying no\u00a0will often overshoot this in the beginning. They’ll give a no<\/em> that comes out wrong and feels like a heavy force. This is after they’ve tried the over-explaining no<\/em>\u00a0route\u00a0that’s littered with sorry’s and self-deprecation. The “No, that won’t work for me” is the freedom route. You have to try it on like a business suit if you’ve never worn one before. At first it feels uncomfortable and not like you at all. You may try a different style and tweak it with accessories, your own special flavor, until you wearin’ the suit and not the other way around. Pretty soon, you’re ownin’ it. You might outgrow that suit, find it isn’t appropriate for the occasion or new situation, and you’ll get a new one.<\/p>\n

If it’s too hard for you and it’s safer to say yes when you reallymean no to people, think about your kids. This affects them if you say yes to everyone and you’re frazzled and mad which means you deprive them of\u00a0the happy, loving mom they yearn for. And here’s a biggie which I have been guilty of, you don’t say no and it bottles up and all of a sudden your kid asks for a popsicle for the third time and you reply like a tiger. Like a tiger breathing fire and they look at you like you are possessed. You actually are, by your own fears, doubts, limitations, but when you know that you finally want to stand in your truth, you will. It builds\u00a0day by day, as you make different choices. Your habits and choices become patterns and stories, which ultimately\u00a0become your life.<\/p>\n

Some may be feeling they need to say yes to more in life\u00a0and live outside of their comfort zone.\u00a0I agree. It’s a balance.\u00a0 People will make you wrong for saying yes<\/em> or no<\/em>, which is why you must be certain of your gut feeling.\u00a0 It tells you the answer.\u00a0 Others may try to argue about your feelings or reality, even though in none of their business.\u00a0 Sometimes saying no to someone\u00a0else is really just saying yes to yourself. I’m learning in business, I must learn to say no, even more than yes, so I’m clear. Clarity comes from knowing what you don’t want. Everyone must cultivate the art of saying\u00a0no<\/em> for themselves. Start right now. Your life is the canvas and you’re the paintbrush. Next time, ask yourself is it a\u00a0HELL YES<\/strong>\u00a0or a HELL NO<\/strong>?\u00a0 You know.\u00a0 Deep down, you always do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Oh, ladies especially. . .don’t you just love saying no. I mean saying no is so empowering, but so damn hard sometimes, except with our children, of course. It comes really easily to some women, but not to me, so I had to study the art of saying no by seeing how others did it.\u00a0…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":568,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Art of Saying No - Sassy Spirit<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, nofollow\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Art of Saying No - Sassy Spirit\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Oh, ladies especially. . .don’t you just love saying no. I mean saying no is so empowering, but so damn hard sometimes, except with our children, of course. It comes really easily to some women, but not to me, so I had to study the art of saying no by seeing how others did it.\u00a0…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/sassyspirit\/2014\/06\/the-art-of-saying-no.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Sassy Spirit\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-06-10T23:12:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-06-10T23:43:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"jperry\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Art of Saying No - Sassy Spirit","robots":{"index":"noindex","follow":"nofollow"},"og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Art of Saying No - Sassy Spirit","og_description":"Oh, ladies especially. . .don’t you just love saying no. 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