The advent of Passover and Easter, which always fall around the
\nsame time, beckons a deeper discussion about one of the principle
\ndifferences between Judaism and Christianity. In essence it is the
\ndifference between a values system based on struggle and a values system
\nbased on perfection.<\/p>\n
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The reason there are no perfect people in
\nthe Torah is that we don’t believe in perfect people and we do not
\nrespect perfection. Do you know what the perfect person lacks that the
\nimperfect person has? An imperfect person fights to do what is right. He
\nstruggles with his conscience. When you fight for something, you
\ndemonstrate its worth.<\/p>\n
\nLook at the contrast with every other belief system. Christianity is
\npredicated on perfection, on the idea that Jesus was tempted but never
\nfell. The same is true for Muslims and Mohammed. In Buddhism, the Buddha
\nis perfect. In Hindu, Krishna is perfect. Even in the pantheon of great
\nAmerican heroes, our founding fathers were once portrayed as saints. I
\nremember being taught as a young boy that George Washington never told a
\nlie and that Abraham Lincoln walked miles to return a single penny.
\nBoth these stories were pure invention, but the idea was: How could you
\nrespect the founder of your nation if he was flawed?<\/p>\n
Here in America we live under the tyranny of perfection. We are
\nconstantly being sold glossy images of people with perfect bodies,
\nperfect r\u00e9sum\u00e9s, and perfect lifestyles. Convincing people of their
\ninadequacy in relation to these paragons of physical, intellectual,
\nmoral, and aesthetic perfection has always been a good racket, but never
\nmore so than today.<\/p>\n
\nIt even seeps into our religious debates. The insinuation that Jesus was
\nlonely and required the love of a woman, as Dan Brown suggested in The
\nDa Vinci Code, deeply offended many of our Christian brothers and
\nsisters. When I debated Cardinal Theodore McCarrick of Washington, D.C.,
\nabout the subsequent movie, he said that the film’s protestors should
\nremain calm but he could understand why people were upset. I said I
\nunderstood how the departure from New Testament orthodoxy was
\nprovocative, but why was it deemed so hurtful? Dan Brown and the
\nmoviemakers didn’t say anything bad about Jesus–they said only that he
\ngot married! So what? If he were a young Jewish man growing up in the
\nGalilee region in ancient Israel, not only would he have been expected
\nto marry but it would have been sinful for him not to.<\/p>\n
Why were Christians offended at the thought that Jesus married?
\nBecause the idea suggests he felt something was missing in his life. In
\nshort, he wasn’t perfect. As a perfect being, he required the love and
\nvalidation of no one. You and I? We get cold and need comfort and want
\nto be held. We feel dispirited, and we need someone to inspire us.<\/p>\n
\nI am always impressed at the deep spirituality of my Christian brothers.
\nI am a rabbi with a deep love and awe for the incredible commitment to
\ngoodness and faith that is so characteristic of my Christian colleagues.
\nBut ultimately Christianity loses me when it dismisses the humanity of
\nJesus in favor of his divinity. Jesus is so much more interesting when
\nwe read of his struggles in the New Testament to fulfill the will of
\nG-d, like when he says, while dying on the cross, “My G-d, my G-d, why
\nhave you forsaken me?” And I am always puzzled why my Christian brothers
\nand sisters seem disheartened to discover Jesus’s vulnerabilities.<\/p>\n
Personally, I have no patience for perfect people. I find them
\nboring, predictable, and judgmental. It is human beings whose goodness
\nis real, yet purchased amid Herculean effort and struggle, whom I find
\nso endlessly fascinating.<\/p>\n
Judaism doesn’t value perfection. I believe that perfect people are
\nsweet and nice but I have no relationship with them, nor would I seek
\none. If they’re perfect, they don’t need me. It has been estimated that
\nin many marriages, the criticism-to-compliment ratio is three to one.
\nThe argument troubled couples make is always essentially, “but my spouse
\nis so imperfect!” I counsel them to remember that if their spouse were
\nperfect, he or she would never have married in the first place. So why
\nnot be thankful for our loved ones’ imperfections (as long as they take
\nresponsibility for their actions and apologize sincerely when they’ve
\ndone wrong)?<\/p>\n
I am not a Christian not because I was born Jewish, because if
\nChristianity were true I would be obligated to convert. Rather,
\nperfection has no appeal for me. Perfect people do the right thing every
\nsingle time. How could they understand someone like me, for whom every
\nday is a struggle?<\/p>\n
Being with perfect people is like watching a movie when you already
\nknow the ending. You can’t thrill to perfect people’s victories because
\nthey don’t involve real courage. Real courage means to be victorious
\nover fear. If you were never afraid, were your actions courageous? No.<\/p>\n
People used to think Martin Luther King Jr. was a saint. He started
\nthe civil rights movement when he was only twenty-four years old. He was
\nkilled before his fortieth birthday. Of course, one thought, saint that
\nKing was, he was able to lead those marches in Birmingham and in Selma
\nand inspire a whole generation. No wonder he was so incredibly eloquent
\nand courageous. He was perfect. But then we discovered that in fact he
\nwas deeply human and did things that betrayed big character flaws.
\nSuddenly we saw him differently. In fact, his true greatness was thereby
\nmanifest: He was flawed and frail and still he accomplished so much.
\nYou mean he was scared in front of those attack dogs and Bull Connor? He
\nhad to struggle to do those things? My G-d, that truly is a great man.<\/p>\n
To me, that is so much more inspiring. King wrestled with his
\nconscience. Now he speaks to me, because I’m just like him. He was not
\nan angel, not a saint, just a person who struggled to live righteously
\nand courageously. And in so doing he changed America, dealt a fatal blow
\nto racial injustice, and restored the country to its founding creed of
\nall men being created equally by G-d. And he did all this not
\nintuitively or instinctively, but amid great effort and struggle. It was
\nnever easy. But if he could do it and he was human like me, then I have
\nno excuse not to try to rise to similar acts of courage.<\/p>\n
The truly righteous man is not he who never sins but rather he who,
\namid a predilection to narcissism and selfishness, battles his nature to
\nlive a virtuous life. The truly great man is not he who slays dragons,
\nbut he who battles his inner demons, who struggles with himself to
\nimprove and ennoble his character.<\/p>\n
The truth is that perfection fosters dependency. It is an engine that
\nactually retards human progress, because it continually tosses humans
\nback on a sense of their own inadequacy. Rather than lift them up, it
\nkeeps them down. That’s why kings used to claim they were perfect
\nbeings, kissed by G-d and standing high above their lowly
\nsubjects–because if you can convince people that they’ll never be as
\ngood as you, they won’t even try. They will worship you and hate
\nthemselves.
\n
\nThose for whom life has been so sweet and smooth, those who refuse to
\nstruggle, will never know the true taste of courage. They will never
\ndevelop the ability to overcome obstacles to do what is right. They will
\nnever firmly establish that their convictions are not just feelings.
\nStruggle is where the infinite value of goodness is established.<\/p>\n
The Zohar says that every single time you choose to subdue and
\nsubjugate evil, G-d’s glory rises higher and higher. Every time you
\nexert the effort to choose righteousness over selfishness, you are
\nshowing that righteousness is precious to you, that G-d is a living
\npresence, and that you are prepared to fight. Even when it’s
\ninconvenient. Even when it entails sacrifice. Struggle is what
\nestablishes the infinite preciousness of righteousness.<\/p>\n
Israel literally means “he who wrestles with G-d.” It was the name
\ngiven to Jacob, who wrestled with a brother who sought to kill him and a
\nfather-in-law who sought to enslave him. Most of all, he wrestled with
\nan angel. Israel is he who wrestles with the G-dly portion of his
\nexistence.<\/p>\n
Most of what we cherish in life involves a struggle. I was a child of
\ndivorce, so I was extremely excited to be married. I anticipated
\nperfection. Shortly after our wedding in Australia, I went out, a newly
\nmarried man, to buy a camera. And in the camera store I couldn’t help
\nbut notice that the woman behind the counter was pretty. I was
\nmortified. This is ridiculous! I thought. What kind of husband am I? I
\ncame home and confessed to my wife that I had noticed that another woman
\nwas attractive. She laughed at my na\u00efvet\u00e9. But it still bothered me, so
\nI thought deeply into this. Why did G-d make love so imperfect? How do
\nwe even notice the opposite sex when we are in love with our spouse? Why
\nis it that even in the best marriages we still recognize that other
\npeople are special?<\/p>\n
Now I understand why G-d made love imperfect. Relationships are
\nspecial when you choose each other anew every single day. Some think
\nmarriage is when you choose your spouse under the chuppah–the canopy
\nused in Jewish weddings–and you’re done. Married! You never make that
\nchoice again, and your choice becomes a thing of the past. The marriage
\nbecomes stale and ossified, and the commitment is never renewed. But
\nbecause we all struggle to keep the passion and intimacy in our
\nmarriages alive, because we struggle to compliment and love each other,
\nbecause we wrestle with our nature to always focus on each other, love
\neach other, and put each other first, we choose each other over and over
\nagain, and that’s why love is imperfect. The man who chooses his bride
\nand never has to choose her again is one who takes her for granted, who
\ndoesn’t seek to bring novelty to his relationship, who allows it to
\nstagnate. But if you forever renew your commitment and investment, your
\ngoodness and your relationship never go stale.
\n \n<\/p>\n