{"id":884,"date":"2011-05-19T15:14:21","date_gmt":"2011-05-19T15:14:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/projectconversion.com\/?p=884"},"modified":"2011-05-19T15:14:21","modified_gmt":"2011-05-19T15:14:21","slug":"he-wants-meditation-she-wants-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/05\/he-wants-meditation-she-wants-sex.html","title":{"rendered":"He Wants Meditation, She Wants Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sounds like a title from the “Self Help” section, doesn’t it? Hmm, maybe it should be…<\/p>\n

Many times here on Project Conversion, the social issues that affect the faith hit close to home. Remember when I did this:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I decided to shave my head to at least partially experience what it’s like to be a Buddhist monk. There are other factors included, at least for the novice, including: wearing the robes, not handling money, no music or entertainment, and…no sex.<\/p>\n

“But…dude, you’re married.”<\/p>\n

Yeah, I know. And because I’m such a hot piece of man meat, even as a monk,\u00a0this comes as a great injustice to my poor wife.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
"Oh Andrew, why not return to the--ahem--Lay-ity?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Because I’m striving for Enlightenment, woman. I cannot be distracted by your bewitching allure and temptations. But really, what’s the big deal, it’s only one day of the week right? Surely it’s not that<\/em> dramatic. And what’s so bad about sex anyway?<\/p>\n

Sex itself isn’t bad, it’s the craving<\/em>\u00a0for sex that causes problems. If we look back at the Four Noble Truths which constitute the foundation of\u00a0Buddhism, we find that\u00a0craving or desire is the root of all suffering. When our emotions\/feelings\/desires condition our actions, we are subject to suffering because these occurences\u00a0are never satisfied. Our sexual desire is never satisfied because we always want it again. Anger\/excitement\/obsession will always snowball if we do not release ourselves from the craving to continue the sensation. Ever notice that smiles and bad attitudes are “contagious?”\u00a0This is why the monk renounces sexual pleasures (and attachment to emotion\/feelings), because the desire for sex is a craving that leads to suffering (You don’t get laid, you suffer). If we defeat the root cause, then the need for sex naturally falls away.<\/p>\n

The Buddha says:<\/p>\n

There is no satisfying the passions even by a shower of gold coins; the wise man, knowing that sense delights are of fleeting pleasure and productive of pain, finds no joy even in celestial pleasures. The true disciple\u00a0of the Fully Enlightened One delights only in the destruction of all worldly desires. –The Dhammapada, Canto 14, verse 186-187<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well, that’s great for the monks, but not every Buddhist is a monk. Does that mean it’s wrong for the laity to have and enjoy sex? This is where terms such as “right” and “wrong” become a slippery slope. The Buddha preferred “skillful” and “unskillful.” Basically, he said, if you want to reach Enlightenment and Nirvana, you’ll have to let go of desire. The side effect: you probably won’t look at the opposite (and for some of us, the same) sex again.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The\u00a0cool thing about this month is that I straddle both worlds. For one day out of the week, I’m as monk-like as I can be. The other days, well, I’m not.<\/p>\n

\u00a0But that’s not where the story ends.<\/p>\n

Something I’ve noticed in the last five months of Project Conversion is that my entire personality changes each month. My wife\u00a0has actually told me\u00a0on a few occasions that she’s\u00a0ready for me to quit speaking\/acting\/thinking\/looking a certain way.\u00a0One of the aspects\u00a0that changes dramatically is my libido.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
OMG! You said libido on a website about religion.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Honestly, it’s a little weird. Out\u00a0of the five months we’ve covered so far, it’s the traditions\u00a0out of the Indian subcontinent (Hinduism and Buddhism) that\u00a0have stunted my desire. What’s up with that? I think what it really comes down to is a focus\u00a0realignment. Within some schools of Hindu thought and much of the Buddhist tradition, the effort of liberation and Nirvana lie within the individual, meaning there’s more of a personal workout involved. In theistic traditions, much of the heavy lifting is worked out in devotional and outward\u00a0practice.<\/p>\n

The difference becomes inward\u00a0vs. outward.\u00a0<\/p>\n

My wife has said on many occasions\u00a0that I seem more withdrawn during the Hindu and Buddhist months. I honestly hadn’t noticed, until she mentioned it. This is part of the Buddhist practice of meditation which involves analyzing one’s actions, emotions, sensations, and feelings. Why does this happen? Because as opposed to many theistic traditions where salvation is sought\u00a0outwardly, within Buddhism and much of Hinduism, “salvation” is found inside. Naturally it requires one to focus all of their attention and energy\u00a0to achieve this state. One of the side effects\u00a0is that with my radical change of focus, I’m not giving my wife a suggestive smack on the behind every time I walk by. Now she has to hit on me. Which, honestly, is kinda cool sometimes.<\/p>\n

So it begs the question, how much introspection, how much self-analysis\u00a0is too much? I have read a few accounts where men and women adopt Buddhism or Hinduism (and some other faiths)\u00a0and leave their families to pursue the monastic or ascetic\u00a0lifestyle. This practice is very common and even\u00a0honorable in the East.\u00a0In fact, the Buddha himself left his wife and son to accomplish\u00a0this goal.\u00a0Many of our religious leaders\u00a0felt compelled\u00a0to abandon the life of a householder in order to acquire the knowledge\/experience of the subtle truths and bring them to their people.<\/p>\n

Is\u00a0this going too far, or are some of us just not strong enough to go the distance? What would the world be like had these folks not gone the distance?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sounds like a title from the “Self Help” section, doesn’t it? Hmm, maybe it should be… Many times here on Project Conversion, the social issues that affect the faith hit close to home. Remember when I did this: I decided to shave my head to at least partially experience what it’s like to be a…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":437,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[16,786,194,233,245,266],"class_list":["post-884","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-buddhism","tag-andrew-bowen","tag-buddhism","tag-monastic","tag-project-conversion","tag-religion","tag-sex"],"yoast_head":"\nHe Wants Meditation, She Wants Sex - Project Conversion<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/05\/he-wants-meditation-she-wants-sex.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"He Wants Meditation, She Wants Sex - Project Conversion\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sounds like a title from the “Self Help” section, doesn’t it? 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