{"id":666,"date":"2011-04-10T15:31:22","date_gmt":"2011-04-10T15:31:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/projectconversion.com\/?p=666"},"modified":"2011-04-10T15:31:22","modified_gmt":"2011-04-10T15:31:22","slug":"the-holy-struggle-jacob","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/04\/the-holy-struggle-jacob.html","title":{"rendered":"The Holy Struggle: Jacob"},"content":{"rendered":"

Project Conversion is the study of struggle and serendipity. Much of what has transpired was unexpected\u00a0and unintended. This has been a blessing, and I am thankful for these lessons, however there is one post I have anticipated and looked forward to exploring since this journey began: Jacob’s struggle with the angel.<\/p>\n

“Jacob remained alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. He [the man] saw that he could not defeat him, and he touched the joint of his thigh. Jacob’s hip became dislocated from wrestling with him. And he [the man] said, ‘Let me go for dawn is breaking.’ He [Jacob] said, ‘I will not release you unless you bless me.’ He [the man] said ‘What is your name?’ He said, ‘Jacob.’ He said, ‘Your name shall no longer be called Jacob rather Israel, for you have struggled with God and with man and you have been victorious.’ Jacob asked, and said, ‘Please tell me your name.’ He said, ‘Why are you asking for my name?’ And he blessed him there. And Jacob called the place Pniel\u00a0[God’s face], ‘for I have seen God face to face and my soul was saved.’ The sun rose as he left Pnuel. And he was limping because of his thigh. Therefore the children of Israel do not eat the hip tendon until this very day, for Jacob’s thigh joint was afflicted at the hip tendon.” —<\/em>Genesis 32:25-32<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Of all the theological stories and parables I’ve read over the years, I have meditated on this epic battle the most. Many interpretations attempt to explain the meaning behind the struggle. Most of the Jewish Sages identify the angel as that of Esau–Jacob’s brother and rival–and that the angel represents Jacob’s coming into wealth (like Esau) and facing this new burden. Jacob, according to the scriptural passage, is at odds within himself due to the fear of facing his brother who is out to kill him.<\/span><\/p>\n

So is the angel really God (or a representation) or a spectre of Jacob’s own conscience?<\/span><\/p>\n

We often come to a crossroads in life where fear, doubt,\u00a0and anxiety present themselves as gatekeepers to our future selves.\u00a0Indeed, in this case we become our own worst enemy. Our apparent\u00a0impasse manifests as a reflection of\u00a0our own fear and we have no choice but to face this fear head-on. The outcome determines who we will be on the other side–whether or not we come out victorious or not depends on what we bring to the fight. Do you have faith (in yourself or\u00a0God)? Have you anticipated this juncture and prepared accordingly?\u00a0One of the most difficult aspects of these trials is accepting the fact that they are a regular occurence\u00a0in life.\u00a0Doubt will ask us if we can truly worship or maintain a relationship with a God that needs to test us. This question however, assumes that God needs anything to start with. Does God need to test you, or\u00a0do you\u00a0require tests to grow? Gold cannot be purified without fire. A child cannot graduate to the next grade until standards are met. You cannot run until you learn to walk…and fall many times in doing so.<\/span><\/p>\n

The Jewish ideals on struggle and tests are unique in my journey thus far in that there is little consensus\u00a0on the matter. Theories abound as to why humanity (and Jews in particular) must suffer evil in the presence of\u00a0a supposedly all-good God.\u00a0We can sympathize with them, particularly in the case of the Holocaust. Why? Why\u00a0would God allow six million Jews to die? Many use the argument of\u00a0free will. Like fire, it is a gift that may be used for good or evil. As one Jew wrote on a wall when hiding from the Nazis, “Just because there is a cloudy day, it doesn’t mean the sun doesn’t exist. So it is with God.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Jewish literature in the Torah is full of\u00a0holy men questioning God’s motives for why things are the way they are.\u00a0Many Psalms ask why good things happen to bad people. Job outright invites God to\u00a0debates regarding righteousness. And here with Jacob’s struggle we are asked\u00a0to believe that he faced God in a form of combat. Are these stories asking us to question ourselves and even God? I think the answer is yes.\u00a0What many miss however, is that the existence of God is never in question–it’s actually taken for granted–and the relationship between God and man becomes like that of a parent and a somewhat “spirited” child. Few faiths\u00a0permit this sort of loving yet open relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

By the end of Jacob’s struggle, he is so profoundly\u00a0impacted by the experience that his name is changed\u00a0to Israel, “One who struggles with God,” and thus the namesake of an entire nation. It\u00a0makes perfect sense\u00a0then that Jews in particular have this familiar attitude with God–it’s in their spiritual genes to struggle with\u00a0God. This concept might seem foreign\u00a0to many in other faiths, however it’s an\u00a0attitude I identify with\u00a0comfortably. Anyone who’s followed Project Conversion at any length can\u00a0see this. This journey is\u00a0illustrated\u00a0by struggle and triumph, screw-up’s and illumination. Some may feel that a relationship with the divine requires a pious and meek subservience–and\u00a0for those people, I wish them well–but if we are to believe that God is large enough to have a personal relationship with all humanity, then my\u00a0connection with God is uniquely mine and, well,\u00a0I just don’t roll\u00a0that way. I get trashed looking for God. I burn myself while meditating. I go to a river and find him in the nastiest river in eastern North Carolina. I see him in my arguments with my kids. He is there with me as I welcome the sunrise. It’s our\u00a0relationship and it’s rocky, painful, exhilarating, and real.<\/span><\/p>\n

My\u00a0“struggle” with\u00a0God is therefore my peace. Like Jacob, much of my spiritual growth stems from my battles with fear or questions, but it never threatens my faith. I\u00a0am fully aware of the change the fires of this journey have already caused. And there will be more. In this sense, I am Israel too. I am one who struggles with God. Remember the video I posted <\/a>about the Eminem\/Rhianna song? Yeah, it’s like that.\u00a0Maybe now that\u00a0there is some scriptural basis via\u00a0religion’s greatest heroes, it makes a little more sense to come away from a fight with God with a black eye and wanting to\u00a0go back for more. Every\u00a0battle is fierce, but that’s life. Like a boxer whose finger bones grow\u00a0harder after each fracture, I come away stronger and ready for the\u00a0next struggle, because life is about our physical and spiritual evolution, that we might serve and be a light to those around us.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Ready or not, here life comes. Are you ready for a throw-down?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Project Conversion is the study of struggle and serendipity. Much of what has transpired was unexpected\u00a0and unintended. This has been a blessing, and I am thankful for these lessons, however there is one post I have anticipated and looked forward to exploring since this journey began: Jacob’s struggle with the angel. “Jacob remained alone, and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":437,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[16,17,148,149,233,289],"class_list":["post-666","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-judaism","tag-andrew-bowen","tag-angel","tag-israel","tag-jacob","tag-project-conversion","tag-struggle-with-god"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Holy Struggle: Jacob - Project Conversion<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/04\/the-holy-struggle-jacob.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Holy Struggle: Jacob - Project Conversion\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Project Conversion is the study of struggle and serendipity. 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