{"id":1931,"date":"2011-11-11T12:56:42","date_gmt":"2011-11-11T12:56:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/projectconversion\/?p=1931"},"modified":"2011-11-11T13:26:20","modified_gmt":"2011-11-11T13:26:20","slug":"my-beloved-wife-best-friend-devoted-mother-and-temptress","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/11\/my-beloved-wife-best-friend-devoted-mother-and-temptress.html","title":{"rendered":"My Beloved Wife: Best Friend, Devoted Mother, and Temptress"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Practicing as a Jain ascetic this month, I took certain vows. The five most important being:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000\">Ahimsa (Non-injury)<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000\">Always tell the truth<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000\">Do not steal<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000\">Celibacy<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000\">Non-possession<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>So far I&#8217;ve done pretty well. I even took on the practice of one small meal a day. With non-injury it means that I must avoid killing or harming even the smallest insect. One day I actually sat and watched a mosquito bite my arm before I tried to blow her off. I&#8217;ve sat in meditation outside in 40 degree weather with nothing but a thin bed sheet. I sleep on a hardwood floor at least three hours a night before moving to the couch. Now I&#8217;m even participating in a three-day (at least) fast&#8230;and I&#8217;m not even hungry. I can do all these things through sheer power of will, but there&#8217;s one thing I cannot resist:<\/p>\n<p><strong>My wife<\/strong>.<!--more--><\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_1933\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-1933\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/projectconversion\/files\/2011\/11\/kissing.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-1933\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/291\/2011\/11\/kissing-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" \/><\/a><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-1933\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Heather practicing her harlot kiss of doom.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Back in May when I practiced Buddhism, I wrote <a href=\"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/projectconversion\/2011\/05\/he-wants-meditation-she-wants-sex.html\">this post<\/a>. It talked about how practicing heavy meditation and introspection actually decreased my libido. I thought it was just me, but I&#8217;ve spoken with others who experience the same thing. What troubles me this month is that I took a vow of celibacy knowing that I would experience that very same phenomenon. Trouble is, sex happens to be a two person (ahem&#8230;at least) activity which means by declaring celibacy, I&#8217;m signing up my wife for something she doesn&#8217;t want to do.<\/p>\n<p>I knew I&#8217;d be fine&#8230;as long as there was no temptation, so I made Heather promise to take the vow with me. She did&#8230;but I think she had her fingers crossed. I was doing fine. I was doing so well, and then Heather went back on her &#8220;promise.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Celibacy doesn&#8217;t apply to us,&#8221; she told me while chasing me around the house, pulling at my robes. &#8220;We&#8217;re married.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Yes, but I took a vow! You&#8217;re messing with my enlightenment!&#8221; By this point I was trying to fight her off with my fly whisk, but to no avail.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Come here, I&#8217;ll show you enlightenment&#8230;&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>It took her a few days, but the constant barrage of flirting and innuendo paid off and I succumbed to my wife.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/291\/2011\/11\/guilt.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-1932\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.beliefnet.com\/sites\/291\/2011\/11\/guilt.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"264\" height=\"191\" \/><\/a>Strange that I feel guilt and shame after sleeping with my wife, isn&#8217;t it? The funny part is that she is unapologetic about the whole thing. This isn&#8217;t a game of &#8220;let&#8217;s get the monk to screw around,&#8221; she legitimately wants a course correction here because from her point of view, our relationship as husband and wife should never change regardless of what religious practices I have that month. She&#8217;s already made it clear that she will be just as persistent for the rest of the month, because as her husband, our intimacy was &#8220;bought and paid for at the altar.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Yes, she has a point. Project Conversion is supposed to affect me the most, not her or the kids, so indeed why should she have to change? I am sympathetic to that. The other issue is that despite all my other successes with practice this month, I&#8217;ve discovered my Achilles heel: my wife. I simply cannot say &#8220;no&#8221; because over the course of nearly seven years of marriage, we have never refused one another. Ever. And now I must suddenly resist?<\/p>\n<p>In many ways, I have it a little tougher than the average Sadhu (monk). Because they own nothing and move from temple to temple, they do not face daily temptations to the same extent that I do. I must walk by a nicely stocked refrigerator every day. There is always a comfortable couch to enjoy rather than the floor. I also have a perfectly ready and willing wife just waiting to find a crack in my resolve. Choice is, in my opinion, much more dangerous to our will than no choice.<\/p>\n<p>As I mentioned in yesterday&#8217;s post, like fasting, celibacy isn&#8217;t about punishing yourself by avoiding life&#8217;s pleasures. It&#8217;s about learning self-control, learning how to channel one&#8217;s passions, and becoming the master of your actions. By failing in my commitment of celibacy this month, I&#8217;ve uncovered my only weakness of discipline. Now, I just have to stand even more vigilant and resist my greatest temptation.<\/p>\n<p>What is your weakness? Perhaps you&#8217;ve made the same New Year&#8217;s resolution year after year only to fail. What tools do you use to remain vigilant?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Practicing as a Jain ascetic this month, I took certain vows. The five most important being: Ahimsa (Non-injury) Always tell the truth Do not steal Celibacy Non-possession So far I&#8217;ve done pretty well. I even took on the practice of one small meal a day. With non-injury it means that I must avoid killing or&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":437,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[544],"tags":[16,570,795,194,233,569,553],"class_list":["post-1931","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jainism","tag-andrew-bowen","tag-celibacy","tag-jainism","tag-monastic","tag-project-conversion","tag-tempation","tag-vows"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>My Beloved Wife: Best Friend, Devoted Mother, and Temptress - Project Conversion<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/projectconversion\/2011\/11\/my-beloved-wife-best-friend-devoted-mother-and-temptress.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Beloved Wife: Best Friend, Devoted Mother, and Temptress - Project Conversion\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Practicing as a Jain ascetic this month, I took certain vows. 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