{"id":4219,"date":"2015-08-01T10:45:56","date_gmt":"2015-08-01T14:45:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/ourladyofweightloss\/?p=4219"},"modified":"2015-08-01T17:41:55","modified_gmt":"2015-08-01T21:41:55","slug":"this-friendship-day-how-to-dump-your-toxic-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ourladyofweightloss\/2015\/08\/this-friendship-day-how-to-dump-your-toxic-friends.html","title":{"rendered":"This Friendship Day: How to Dump Your Toxic Friends :)"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Be<\/a>
Be Your Own Best Friend ~ contact Janice Taylor, Weight Loss SUCCESS Coach, Hypnotherapist, Author, Artist, Positarian<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Hellooooooo Tushkateers, <\/strong>Devotees of Our Lady of Weight Loss<\/a>, and those who through divine inspiration have landed on this page.\u00a0 Did you know that August 2 is Friendship Day? I heard it on NPR just this morning so it must be true.<\/p>\n

I was thinking that I might share a gaggle of friendship quotes and get soppy about how much I love my friends, you guys especially, but Our Lady of Weight Loss interrupted my train of thought and insisted that I share my 7 tips on toxic friendship.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\n

Chewing the Fat<\/span>
\n7 Tips: <\/strong>The Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Toxic Friendships<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Dear OLofWL ~<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 A few weeks ago, based on something I read in one of your books or in one of your blog posts (forgive me, I\u2019m not sure where), I started to notice which people in my life have a negative effect on my weight loss efforts.<\/p>\n

One friend, in particular has repeatedly told me that I\u2019m never going to reach my goals (weight loss or otherwise).\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve asked her to stop, but whenever I point out that she\u2019s undermining my attempts to move forward in life, she makes light of the situation and basically tells me that I\u2019m too sensitive.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve been friends for a long time.\u00a0 On the one hand, I am tempted to cut her out of my life completely, but on the other hand that feels a bit harsh.\u00a0 Want to do?\u00a0 Any thoughts on toxic friends?\u00a0 ~ Mary Beth C., KC, MO<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Dear Mary Beth C., KC, MO ~<\/em><\/strong>\u00a0 Based on your friend\u2019s inability to hear you and \u2018own\u2019 her unsupportive comments, I am going to venture a guess and suggest that she is stuck in her own narrow view of life, unable to see beyond her own struggles.<\/p>\n

Negative people often do slow us down, drain our energy, as well as create stress and anxiety, none of which is useful or helpful. What to do?\u00a0 Here are a few thoughts on:<\/p>\n

7 Tips:\u00a0 The Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Toxic Friendships<\/strong><\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Do Not Give Them a Piece of Your Mind.\u00a0 <\/strong>When people, particularly friends and\/or family members, are unsupportive it really ticks us off, because we understandably have expectations as to how they are going to show up in our lives.<\/p>\n

Telling someone off, giving them a piece of your mind is a very bad idea, because it is negative in its own right. I rarely use absolutes like \u2018never\u2019 and\/or \u2018always, but in this case it is appropriate.\u00a0\u00a0 The recipient of your negativity will never see it your way.\u00a0 They will defend their position.\u00a0 You will defend your position.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Do Feel Your Upset.<\/strong>\u00a0 To be clear, I am not suggesting that you do not feel your upset, your anger, and\/or your frustration and disappointment.\u00a0 Breathe into it, feel it, and release it.\u00a0 This will allow you to come from a place of clarity.<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Do Create Boundaries.<\/strong>\u00a0 You can either, with love in your heart, slowly but surely let the person go; or you can limit the time you spend together.<\/p>\n

In these modern times, we are blessed with caller i.d., which means that you do not have to pick up every phone call.\u00a0\u00a0 Nor do you have to accept every invitation.\u00a0 If you do choose to get together with this person, tell them that you can meet from say 2:00 pm to 3:30 pm for tea at a certain caf\u00e9 that serves fruit.\u00a0 You decide where – a place that supports your healthy living goals; you decide the amount of time that feels okay for you.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Do Not Apologize or Justify Your Actions.<\/strong>\u00a0 You simply do not have to explain yourself.\u00a0 Please take that in on a cellular level and hence forth, when you find yourself launching into your \u2018reasons\u2019 why you can ‘only’ spend one hour together, or why you are choosing a fruity location \u2026 stop mid-stream.\u00a0 Again, there is no need to, you don’t have to justify or explain yourself away.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Do Be Open to Healing.\u00a0 <\/strong>Each and every one of us is traveling on our unique paths, which are circuitous in nature.\u00a0 You just never know when your friend (or relative) is going to have an aHa, mind changing moment.\u00a0 To be clear, that does not mean that you have to keep them in your life as you once did, but you can \u2018hold a space for healing.\u2019<\/p>\n

6.\u00a0 Do Not Feel Guilty.<\/strong>\u00a0 You are a good person, a kind person, and you need to be your own best friend; in fact, you need to be your own good mother.\u00a0 You are not dumping your friend, you are not abandoning your friend; you are simply letting go of the current state of friendship, as you hold a space for change.\u00a0 Guilty is heavy; let it go.<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Do Seek Positarians.\u00a0 <\/strong>Positarians are people who may not have much in common with the exception of their positive mindset about life.\u00a0 But, hey, that’s enough, isn’t it?<\/p>\n

The best way to find the positarians is to keep an eye and ear open, and when you hear someone saying things like \u201cGood Morning\u201d with great enthusiasm, or when you see someone finding the most positive way of negotiating life in the face of obstacles, know that you have stumbled upon a positiarian.<\/p>\n

Positiarians are lovers of life, and their goal is to spread the happy word. (NOT the icing! Sound familiar?)\u00a0 They look at the bright side, and they are gifted at finding silver-linings.<\/p>\n

I hope that provides enough to chew on, Mary Beth (and any and all who are reading this) to give yourself permission to let go of the toxic people in your life \u2013 either by letting them go entirely or greatly limiting your interaction with them.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Happy Friendship Day!!!!!<\/p>\n

For more fat burning friendship, visit:\u00a0 Kick in the Tush Club\/ Facebook page!!! <\/a><\/p>\n

Spread the Word \u2026. NOT the icing!<\/em><\/p>\n

Janice Taylor<\/em>
\n wise * fun * utterly useful<\/em><\/p>\n

Sign up for the KICK in the TUSH CLUB monthly e-newsletter, sign up here<\/a>.
\nTo join the FACEBOOK\/KITT Club, click here<\/a>!
\nFor one-on-one coaching<\/a>, contact Janice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hellooooooo Tushkateers, Devotees of Our Lady of Weight Loss, and those who through divine inspiration have landed on this page.\u00a0 Did you know that August 2 is Friendship Day? I heard it on NPR just this morning so it must be true. 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