{"id":102,"date":"2008-05-27T09:12:46","date_gmt":"2008-05-27T09:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/ourladyofweightloss\/2008\/05\/chewing-the-fat-my-daughter-is.html"},"modified":"2008-05-27T09:12:46","modified_gmt":"2008-05-27T09:12:46","slug":"chewing-the-fat-my-daughter-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ourladyofweightloss\/2008\/05\/chewing-the-fat-my-daughter-is.html","title":{"rendered":"Chewing the Fat: “My daughter is FAT and it’s MY FAULT (says my husband).”"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Perplexed”<\/em><\/strong> turns to Our Lady of Weight Loss<\/a> and asks “How can I help my daughter? How can I restore family harmony?”
\nDear Our Lady of Weight Loss ~<\/em><\/strong> I have three teenage-young adult kids. They are all winners in their own ways and on track to be happy, successful people. But of course, they do have issues and need guidance.
\nMy middle daughter needs to<\/strong> lose some weight \u2013 but has resisted all efforts on my part to help. She doesn\u2019t want to go to Weight Watchers or try a planned diet. She says she is happy the way she is and asks me to cease and desist on the issue of weight.
\nI would be happy to let it be \u2013 but my husband pressures me to address it with her. He somehow thinks I am part of the problem \u2013 though I eat a pretty balanced diet and exercise allot. She is away at school, so I have very little control over what my daughter consumes.
\nI would like to wait and see and let my daughter deal \u2013 but my husband blames me and insists that I \u201cDO SOMETHING!\u201d
\nWhat can I do to get him off my back, her back, and restore family harmony? Do tell!
\n~ Perplexed<\/strong><\/em>
\nDear Perplexed ~<\/em> <\/strong> May I be blunt and put it right out there? (I hear a resounding \u201cyes.\u201d Thank you.)<\/em><\/p>\n


\nWhether your daughter \u2018wants to\u2019<\/strong> lose weight or not is entirely up to her. It is her life, her journey, and it is her decision. Please note that I said that it\u2019s about what your daughter WANTS.<\/strong> There was no should, have to<\/strong> or must<\/strong> in it.
\nSpeaking in \u201cshould\u2019s,\u201d \u201cmust\u2019s\u201d and \u201chave to\u2019s\u201d<\/strong> is a sure way of mucking up the works, creating stuck states of unhappiness with bucketfuls of feelings of blame, criticism and anxiety.
\nTo my point, your husband thinks you \u201cshould\u201d be in charge of your daughter\u2019s behavior. How does that resonate with you? Does it feel like he is blaming you, criticizing you? Is it working?
\nI invite you, your husband and your entire family (and all who are reading this)<\/em> to remove the \u201cshould\u2019s,\u201d \u201chave to\u2019s\u201d and \u201cmust\u2019s\u201d <\/strong>from your vocabularies. Substitute the word \u201cwant\u201d for just one week. Ask yourself what you want to do rather than what you should do, repeatedly, over and over again. At the end of the week just see what happens.
\nThe best thing we can do as parents (as citizens, too)<\/em> is to set a good example. You take care of you! Eat and serve healthful meals. Walk your 10,000 steps a day (or your form of movement). You glow! You make this the best life ever for YOU.
\nFocus on what is right. When you talk to your daughter, talk about what is right. Surely, telling someone that they \u2018need to\u2019 lose weight only serves to let them know that you think that there is something \u2018wrong\u2019 with them. (I speak from first-hand experience – having lived a life of chubb-e-tude. From day one someone was telling me that I \u2018should\u2019 lose weight and sadly, what a shame it was that I had a pretty face, which only led me to shamefully eat yet another candy bar.)<\/em>
\nAs for your husband, I am wondering what does it mean to him that your daughter \u2013 to his standards \u2013 is carrying around a few extra pounds? What stands in his way of communicating directly with your daughter? What stops you from communicating your wants to your husband? As in, \u201cHoney, I would appreciate your leaving me out of this unhealthy triangle. Our daughter is free to create the life she wants.\u201d<\/strong> You certainly do not have to<\/strong> do what he tells you to do. End of story.
\nBe accepting, be compassionate, be healthy, be open \u2026 practice loving-kindness.
\nAs Ghandi said,<\/strong> \u201cBe the change you want to see in the world.\u201d<\/em> ~ OLofWL<\/em><\/strong>
\nFor more fat chewin’ advice, join the Kick in the Tush Club community<\/a>.
\nAND … pick up a copy of the best permanent fat removal book ever written, ALL IS FORGIVEN, MOVE ON.<\/a>
\nFor more info on workshops, books, diet tricks that heal your heart … go to Our Lady of Weight Loss<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

“Perplexed” turns to Our Lady of Weight Loss and asks “How can I help my daughter? How can I restore family harmony?” Dear Our Lady of Weight Loss ~ I have three teenage-young adult kids. They are all winners in their own ways and on track to be happy, successful people. But of course, they…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":123,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,20,2,1],"tags":[99,3821,298,3822,6,3820,3823,3826,3827,76,100,3825,297,3817,8,208,163],"class_list":["post-102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-diet","category-humor","category-inspiration","category-weight-loss","tag-all-is-forgiven","tag-diet","tag-diet-advice","tag-diet-coach","tag-dieting","tag-happiness","tag-health","tag-janice-taylor","tag-kick-in-the-tush-club","tag-lose-weight","tag-move-on","tag-our-lady-of-weight-loss","tag-want-power","tag-weight-loss","tag-weight-loss-coach","tag-well-being","tag-wellness"],"yoast_head":"\nChewing the Fat: "My daughter is FAT and it's MY FAULT (says my husband)." - Our Lady of Weight Loss<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/ourladyofweightloss\/2008\/05\/chewing-the-fat-my-daughter-is.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Chewing the Fat: "My daughter is FAT and it's MY FAULT (says my husband)." - Our Lady of Weight Loss\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"“Perplexed” turns to Our Lady of Weight Loss and asks “How can I help my daughter? 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