{"id":467,"date":"2013-06-20T14:30:52","date_gmt":"2013-06-20T14:30:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/onfire\/?p=467"},"modified":"2013-06-20T14:30:52","modified_gmt":"2013-06-20T14:30:52","slug":"an-ex-boyfriend-two-professors-and-how-to-coach-another-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onfire\/2013\/06\/20\/an-ex-boyfriend-two-professors-and-how-to-coach-another-person\/","title":{"rendered":"An Ex-boyfriend, Two Professors and ~ How To Coach Another Person"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"heritage_building\"<\/a>It was the worst time to fall apart. The final semester of my senior year in college was for completing projects and planning my future. Instead, I was depressed.<\/p>\n

Hardly able to get out of bed. Skipping classes. Doing the bare minimum, if that.<\/p>\n

The reason was my boyfriend\u2014EX-boyfriend. Our break-up seemed right at the time, but when reality set in, I was devastated.<\/p>\n

I turned my final paper in for English Teaching Methods<\/i>, my major, two days late. Although Dr. Martin gave me a good grade, she wrote a scathing note at the bottom. She expressed how shocked and disappointed she was at my absences. My lack of participation in class. My late assignments. My work as a senior was beneath what it was as a junior. She added that my behavior needed to change if I was to become a successful teacher.<\/p>\n

A true star in the field, Dr. Martin was my favorite professor. Her words stung, sending me deeper into despair.<\/p>\n

The university I attended was small and professors often went the second mile to develop students. Thankfully, Dr. Halvorson, a sociology professor, also noticed my behavior change. He spotted me in the hall and struck up a conversation while guiding me into his office. He said he noticed I seemed to be distracted and was just checking in with me.<\/p>\n

His manner disarmed me. He wasn\u2019t judging me or assuming the worst. He didn\u2019t criticize or point out my failures. He simply conveyed genuine person-to-person interest.<\/p>\n

I felt respected. Valued. Safe.<\/p>\n

So, I poured out my story of love lost and how I struggled to accept the grim reality. Dr. Halvorson listened attentively and asked who the young man was. When I revealed his name, Dr. Halvorson said he knew my ex-boyfriend and could understand why I was attracted to him.<\/p>\n

He pondered the situation quietly for a few moments. Then Dr. Halvorson surprised me.<\/p>\n

Observing both me and my ex-boyfriend, he suggested I might be the more mature one and, although something might work out in the future, that difference in maturity might have figured into the break-up. And rightfully so.<\/p>\n

Though hard to hear, his words came from a place of tender concern and daring honesty.<\/p>\n

I knew he was probably right.<\/p>\n

I left his office. Somehow\u2026stronger.<\/p>\n

Later Dr. Halvorson followed up with me: How was I doing?<\/p>\n

I was better, much better.<\/p>\n

Dr. Halvorson\u2019s honoring of me influenced me<\/i>. I was able to climb out of the pit and give myself and my life some of that same honor.<\/p>\n

Now, years later, he remains in my memory as a person I want to be like.<\/p>\n

Unpacking Dr. Halvorson\u2019 approach, I offer these steps:<\/p>\n

How to Successfully Coach and Strengthen Another Person<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a01. Observe behavior. Don\u2019t judge.<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a02. Ask questions<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a03. Honor the person and their journey \/ struggle<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a04. Discuss options<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a05. Give your perspective, as just that\u2014your perspective<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a06. Leave the door open and Follow up<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0– – – – –<\/b><\/p>\n

photo credit: Stock.xchng.com<\/p>\n

– – – – –<\/p>\n

Thank you for visiting ON FIRE. Your feedback is treasured.<\/i><\/p>\n

Gloria<\/i><\/p>\n

Gloria@gloriarose.com <\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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