{"id":885,"date":"2009-10-25T10:00:00","date_gmt":"2009-10-25T10:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/onecity\/2009\/10\/adventures-in-comparing-mind.html"},"modified":"2009-10-25T10:00:00","modified_gmt":"2009-10-25T10:00:00","slug":"adventures-in-comparing-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/10\/adventures-in-comparing-mind.html","title":{"rendered":"Adventures in Comparing Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Evelyn Cash<\/i><\/p>\n

I was voted “most competitive” in my high school senior yearbook. I
\nwould get a 95% on a physics test and be happy with it until I saw that
\na friend of mine got a 97%. I like to call this the “Comparing Mind”; it’s the state of
\nmind that takes a great result (hey, I’d kill for a 95% in college
\nphysics) and makes it crap when it compares it to someone or something
\nelse.  Comparing myself to others is a habit I have, a bad one that seems to get better and worse in cycles. <\/p>\n

As
\nhumans, we have a natural tendency to compare the various objects in
\nour lives and there is nothing inherently wrong with the Comparing
\nMind.  The way I’ve sometimes heard this explained in Buddhism is
\nto take a an object, say a flower and hold it up on its own. Seen in
\nthis way,
\nthe flower is simply a flower. But when you hold up a larger plant next
\nto it, the flower seems small. When you hold up a tiny flower next to
\nthe first one, that same flower seems large. The size of the flower
\nonly exists in relation to other things. The flower is not inherently
\nlarge or small. As long as we’re talking
\nabout inanimate objects,
\ncomparing things isn’t so bad. It can help to say things such as “I
\nthought that small flower was very pretty,” or “hand me the big
\nmarker.” Not such a big
\ndeal.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n


\nThe situation is completely different with people.
\nOnce we get it into our head that something about us is “worse” than
\nanother person, it can set off a chain reaction which is difficult to stop. I attended a
\nDharma talk given by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche<\/a> a few years ago and his talk touched on our brains’ amazing reactivity. One of the
\nparts of his talk that has really stuck with me was when he described the
\nthoughts that go through our head once we’ve decided that we’re “ugly.”
\nHe talked about how, once that thought gets started, the neurons in our
\nbrains start “gossiping” and talking it up until we’re positive that
\nwe’re not only hideous but that everyone around us knows it and talks
\nabout us behind our backs.<\/p>\n

Comparing
\nMind works
\nexactly the same way.  For example, I run about 4 or 5 times a week but
\nit never fails that on my appointed “rest day” I’ll see a runner while
\nI’m out walking the dog with my husband and instantly I think that not
\nonly should I also be running but that I’m just being lazy by taking a
\nday off, obviously that<\/i>
\nperson didn’t take today off!  What I’m clearly not taking into account
\nis the fact that I have no idea what that other person’s running
\nschedule is like and that it’s completely healthy and appropriate to
\nrun 3-5 times a week and take a few days off to avoid injury  If I
\ndon’t catch it, my Comparing Mind will run through it’s program at
\nlight speed and I end up thinking that the other person must be a much
\nmore dedicated runner than I am.  On the flip side,
\nit also doesn’t help to think that you’re somehow better than someone.
\nYou may start thinking that you’re the smartest and most
\ncapable person in your work group and that you deserve the important
\nprojects. Then, you get a project that’s a bit over your head and when
\nsomeone else takes it you just can’t believe it. You’re smarter than
\nthem! You deserved that! In reality, that other person my be perfect
\nfor the job but you were so busy thinking of yourself as “better” that
\nyou wanted all the projects… even the ones you really couldn’t
\nhandle. Plus, you get yourself all bent out of shape and depressed when
\nreally it would be a lot less painful to just admit that different
\npeople are better at
\ndifferent things and move on happy that you don’t have to do the
\ndifficult work.<\/p>\n

The bottom line is that it’s best to
\njust let go of Comparing Mind as it relates to how we perceive ourselves and others. It can only lead to clinging
\nand
\nto suffering and it’s not worth it. This has been a very difficult
\npractice
\nfor me. As I’ve said,  I’ve been a competitive, comparing person for
\nso many years that I often don’t even realize I’m doing it. My neurons
\nare so used to gossiping about how *other* people are better or worse
\nthat they don’t even bother to let me know they’re doing it. I often
\nonly
\nsee it when I lose my cool entirely and break down into either sadness
\nor anger or even reticule towards another. It usually takes
\nan explosion for me to even realize that the reaction had been going on
\nat all.<\/p>\n

I’ve decided to take particular notice of
\nComparing Mind over the next week. I’ve taken up this practice before,
\nwhen I find myself falling into my old comparative\/competitive habits
\nand I’ve noticed that it can be very helpful to be on the look out for
\nthese sorts of reactions before they occur. I would challenge anyone
\nwho happens to read this to try this practice just to see if that
\nsubtle
\ncomparison with others is causing suffering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Evelyn Cash I was voted “most competitive” in my high school senior yearbook. I would get a 95% on a physics test and be happy with it until I saw that a friend of mine got a 97%. 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