{"id":827,"date":"2009-09-25T20:52:53","date_gmt":"2009-09-25T20:52:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/onecity\/2009\/09\/what-would-sid-do-i-had-an-abortion.html"},"modified":"2009-09-25T20:52:53","modified_gmt":"2009-09-25T20:52:53","slug":"what-would-sid-do-i-had-an-abortion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/09\/what-would-sid-do-i-had-an-abortion.html","title":{"rendered":"What would Sid do: Buddhism and abortion"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Lodro Rinzler<\/i><\/p>\n

\"angulimal.jpg\"<\/span>   Angulimal, photo courtesy of shunya.net<\/p>\n

Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a
\nconfused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a
\nspiritual life. He had an overbearing dad, expectations for what he was
\nsupposed to do<\/span>
\nwith his life, drinks were flowing, lutes were playing, and the
\nwomen were all about him. Some called him L.L. Cool S. I imagine
\nclose friends just referred to him as Sid. <\/p>\n

Many people look to Siddhartha as an example of someone who attained nirvana, a buddha. But here we look at a younger Sid<\/span>
\nas a confused guy struggling with his daily life. What would he do as a
\nyoung person trying to find love, cheap drinks, and fun in a city like
\nNew York<\/a>? How would he combine Buddhism and dating? We all make mistakes on our spiritual journey; here is where
\nthey’re discussed.<\/p>\n

Each week I’ll take on a new question and
\ngive some advice based on what I think Sid, a confused guy working on
\nhis spiritual life in a world of major distraction, would do. Because
\nlet’s face it, you and I are Sid. <\/p>\n

Have a question for this weekly column? E-mail it here<\/a> and Lodro will probably get to it!
<\/i><\/b>
—————————————————————————————————————————————
I am a single mother raising a young man who is 4 years old. I am 41 and I have been pregnant 3 times. The first I terminated and can NOT forgive myself for. The second was a miscarriage. Everyday I wonder why I am here and how I could have been so selfish as to KILL my child. I love my son, but wonder why I have been given another chance. I have also been VERY self destructive in trying to find forgiveness for my actions. WWSD? – Pretty Girl<\/p>\n


\n
Generally speaking in Buddhism it is believed that life starts at the
\ntime of conception. Little in-between realms you sees your parents
\nhaving sex, thinks it looks pretty cool, and goes to investigate. At
\nthat point your consciousness has entered the realm and goes about the
\nprocess of being born. As such the Buddha taught that abortion is
\nindeed taking a being’s life<\/a> which is a grave misdeed.<\/p>\n

In our
\nmodern world many Buddhist teachers have said that there are times that
\nit may not be karmically awful to have an abortion if the child poses a
\nsignificant health risk to the mother. Along those lines His Holiness
\nthe Dalai Lama has admitted in an interview with the New York Times
\nthat “…abortion should be approved or disapproved according to each
\ncircumstance.”<\/p>\n

Traditional Buddhism may discourage abortion, but
\nit also discourages imposing rigid moral absolutes. While I suspect Sid
\nwould probably not encourage his partner to have an abortion I doubt he
\nwould deny a woman her right to chose what she should do with her body.
\nI have to say this is a departure from what I personally would do as
\nLodro Rinzler, who is not Sid and may or may not encourage my partner
\nto get an abortion (although Sid and I agree on the second part). These
\nare issues I have to reconcile for myself.<\/p>\n

Buddhism is such an
\nindividualistic path. I have no idea why you had an abortion and as
\nsuch have no right to condemn or praise you (and commenters, please be
\nkind here: there are real people behind these real questions!). I do
\nencourage you to contemplate the motivation behind your decision.
\nKnowing nothing about you whatsoever I will only guess that what you
\ndid was meant to diminish suffering not only for yourself but also for
\nthe child that you would be bringing into the world. If that’s the case
\nthen your intention wasn’t all bad and since the act has occurred
\nlearning to forgive yourself is extremely important.<\/p>\n

Dilgo
\nKhyentse Rinpoche once said, “In the case of an abortion…if the
\nparents feel remorse they can help by acknowledging it, asking for
\nforgiveness, and performing ardently the purification practice of
\nVajrasattva<\/a>. They can also offer lights, and save lives, or help
\nothers, or sponsor some humanitarian or spiritual project, dedicating
\nit to the well-being and future enlightenment of the baby’s
\nconsciousness.” All good options, although I’d say Vajrasattva, a
\nTibetan Buddhist purification practice, should be learned from an
\nauthorized teacher. In other words, don’t try this at home. Or through
\na book.<\/p>\n

I am reminded of the story of the Buddha and Angulimal.
\nAngulimal was a murderer. A mass murderer. It’s said that he had killed
\n999 people and wore a necklace of fingers, one from each of his
\nvictims. Still the Buddha went down the road to see him. Angulimal
\nwarned him that if he came any closer the Buddha would be his 1000th
\nvictim.<\/p>\n

The Buddha, willing to offer his life to fulfill
\nAngulimal’s desire to complete his necklace asked only for one last
\nwish. His desire? For Angulimal to cut a branch from a tree. Angulimal
\ndid so and offered it to the Buddha. Then the Buddha asked him to
\nreattach it to the tree. When he saw the murderer was confused the
\nBuddha explained, “If you cannot create, you have no right to destroy.
\nIf you cannot give life, you don’t have the right to give death to any
\nliving thing.”<\/p>\n

Angulimal was instantly transformed, put down his
\nsword and was accepted into the monastic order. He was forgiven by the
\nBuddha himself for his misdeeds and is said to have died a truly
\nawakened man.<\/p>\n

I mention this story not to equate what you did
\nwith this mass murderer (really and truly) but to point out that even
\nthe harshest and most senseless of acts can and have been forgiven.
\nFurthermore our largest mistakes serve as the largest fodder for our
\npath to enlightenment. We learn what aspects of our life we want to
\ncultivate and which we need to learn to reject. We grow stronger
\nknowing that we have survived our mistakes and learned from them.<\/p>\n

You
\nmentioned that you have done many self destructive things on your path
\ntowards forgiveness. The fact that you have recognized those things as
\ndestructive is step one. Step two is abandoning those things. Step
\nthree is even harder. Step three is learning new habits, specifically
\nlearning to be with our emotions as they are, be they guilt, anger, or
\nsadness. To feel our emotions fully is, in my experience, the best road
\nto forgiving ourselves for our mistakes. I probably sound like a broken
\nrecord on this blog but meditation is a valuable tool that enables us
\nto be present with just these sorts of experiences.<\/p>\n

Furthermore,
\nI think the Buddha’s quote is quite relevant to your situation. At this
\npoint you have given life to a precious being. You can love him and
\nraise him with a heart full of compassion and understanding. I
\npersonally believe that parenting is a full and rich path that, if done
\ncorrectly and if partnered with meditation, can lead to great awakening.<\/p>\n

I
\nwish you tremendous luck on this path towards forgiveness as well as on
\nyour path of parenthood. Learning from our mistakes is a valuable
\npractice opportunity. Learning to forgive ourselves is even more
\nvaluable. However, learning to be present in the midst of great
\nconfusion or sadness is the bee’s knees. As Acharya Pema Chodron has
\nsaid, “This moment is the perfect teacher.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Lodro Rinzler    Angulimal, photo courtesy of shunya.net Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a confused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a spiritual life. 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Upon graduating he served for three and a half years as the executive director of the Shambhala Meditation Center of Boston and has led development efforts for Shambhala internationally since 2007. In addition to teaching dharma throughout the United States he chairs the Dana Group, a group formed to stimulate creative ways to promote generosity in Shambhala as well as coordinate all major fund-raising efforts. In addition to his weekly column here entitled \"What would Sid do?\" Lodro has a humorous blog \"New York is Ridiculous\" (newyorkisridiculous.com) which he writes from his apartment in Brooklyn, New York.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/author\/lodrorinzler"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/827","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/342"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=827"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/827\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=827"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=827"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=827"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}