{"id":801,"date":"2009-09-18T18:46:17","date_gmt":"2009-09-18T18:46:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/onecity\/2009\/09\/what-would-sid-do-about-my-party-hardy-neighbor.html"},"modified":"2009-09-18T18:46:17","modified_gmt":"2009-09-18T18:46:17","slug":"what-would-sid-do-about-my-party-hardy-neighbor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/09\/what-would-sid-do-about-my-party-hardy-neighbor.html","title":{"rendered":"What would Sid do about my party-hardy neighbor?"},"content":{"rendered":"

What would Sid do?<\/b><\/p>\n

Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a
\nconfused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a
\nspiritual life. He had an overbearing dad, expectations for what he was
\nsupposed to do<\/span>
\nwith his life, drinks were flowing, lutes were playing, and the
\nwomen were all about him. Some called him L.L. Cool S. I imagine
\nclose friends just referred to him as Sid. <\/p>\n

Many people look to Siddhartha as an example of someone who attained nirvana, a buddha. But here we look at a younger Sid<\/span>
\nas a confused guy struggling with his daily life. What would he do as a
\nyoung person trying to find love, cheap drinks, and fun in a city like
\nNew York<\/a>? How would he combine Buddhism and dating? We all make mistakes on our spiritual journey; here is where
\nthey’re discussed.<\/p>\n

Each week I’ll take on a new question and
\ngive some advice based on what I think Sid, a confused guy working on
\nhis spiritual life in a world of major distraction, would do. Because
\nlet’s face it, you and I are Sid. <\/p>\n

Have a question for this weekly column? E-mail it here<\/a> and Lodro will probably get to it!
<\/i><\/b>
—————————————————————————————————————————————
I’ve been living in my current apt for two years and this guy just moved in next door a little while ago. He keeps throwing these really large, loud parties every week and now I can’t meditate, sleep, or do much of anything when he’s around. I know Buddhism preaches non-violence but this dude deserves a punch to the head. What would Sid do? – Veronica<\/p>\n


\n
While
\nBuddhism does encourage non-violent action there are times when all of
\nus are put in positions where we just want to scream and do something
\nrash. That’s why the Buddha taught so extensively on patience. As
\nSakyong Mipham Rinpoche has said<\/a>, patience “…has a very practical purpose: it overcomes anger…Being
\nangry and wanting to be peaceful all of sudden doesn’t usually work. If
\nwe’re about to blow up, the best thing to do is just sit there, settle,
\nbreathe. The best technique may well be patience.” So before flying off the handle take a beat, touch base with yourself, and don’t give in to quick reactions.<\/p>\n

With
\nthat much being said, sometimes patience isn’t the only antidote to the
\naggression you might be feeling. While the Buddha taught about not
\ngiving into violent urges he never said “Let people walk all over you.”
\nOn the contrary he taught us how to engage our world, even the things
\nthat make us really angry, with an open heart and mind. <\/p>\n

In
\nfact, I’d say it’s more compassionate not to grin and bear the
\nsituation you face every week and instead confront your neighbor. I
\nthink Sid would knock on the door, invite your neighbor over for tea,
\nand broach the subject in a friendly but direct way. <\/p>\n

I’m willing to bet that your neighbor doesn’t even know the effect he’s
\nhaving on you. In the best case scenario he’ll say that he can host his
\nparties elsewhere or keep the noise to a minimum. In the worst case
\nscenario he’s mildly rude. In either scenario you were compassionate
\nenough to share the way you feel and that shows great bravery.<\/p>\n

The meditation master Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche taught six points of
\nspeech that would be helpful to keep in mind when confronting a noisy
\nneighbor, a lover, or even your boss. They are:<\/p>\n

1. Speak slowly
\n2. Enunciate clearly
\n3. Listen to yourself
\n4. Listen to others
\n5. Regard silence as a part of speech
\n6. Speak concisely<\/p>\n

I think if you create a spacious container to have this conversation in
\n(i.e. not in the mail room when one of you is rushing out the door) and
\napply these six points of speech it will be hard to have a bad
\nconversation.<\/p>\n

In fact, who’s to say what will happen? Your neighbor might become a
\nfriend and want you to come by. As they say, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. Who
\nknows, maybe you’ll find a modern-day Sid there partying down too. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What would Sid do? Before Siddhartha Gautama attained enlightenment at age 35 he was a confused twenty and thirty-something looking to learn how to live a spiritual life. He had an overbearing dad, expectations for what he was supposed to do with his life, drinks were flowing, lutes were playing, and the women were all…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":342,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-801","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-buddhism","category-right-lifestyle"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat would Sid do about my party-hardy neighbor? - One City<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/09\/what-would-sid-do-about-my-party-hardy-neighbor.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What would Sid do about my party-hardy neighbor? - One City\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What would Sid do? 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Upon graduating he served for three and a half years as the executive director of the Shambhala Meditation Center of Boston and has led development efforts for Shambhala internationally since 2007. In addition to teaching dharma throughout the United States he chairs the Dana Group, a group formed to stimulate creative ways to promote generosity in Shambhala as well as coordinate all major fund-raising efforts. In addition to his weekly column here entitled \"What would Sid do?\" Lodro has a humorous blog \"New York is Ridiculous\" (newyorkisridiculous.com) which he writes from his apartment in Brooklyn, New York.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/author\/lodrorinzler"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/801","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/342"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=801"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/801\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=801"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=801"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=801"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}