{"id":408,"date":"2009-01-29T16:30:13","date_gmt":"2009-01-29T16:30:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/onecity\/2009\/01\/hardcore-dharma-believes-in-nothing.html"},"modified":"2009-01-29T16:30:13","modified_gmt":"2009-01-29T16:30:13","slug":"hardcore-dharma-believes-in-nothing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/01\/hardcore-dharma-believes-in-nothing.html","title":{"rendered":"Hardcore Dharma believes in nothing."},"content":{"rendered":"

Last Saturday Hardcore Dharma wrapped up its study of Zen Mind: Beginners Mind <\/em>by Shunryu Suzuki\u00a0A contentious read! \u00a0Some folks loved its experiential wisdom (I certainly found reading the book to be a mindfulness practice in and of itself, requiring my utmost attention). \u00a0Some folks found it overly \u201cbig-minded,\u201d ultimate-reality focused and vague. \u00a0I did find the experience I look forward to in reading a dharma book; that is the \u201cI understand, I agree and I feel better\u201d emotional process was missing. \u00a0\u201cWhere are you when I need you, Jack Kornfield<\/a>,\u201d I lamented. \u00a0
\n
\nYet at the same time I found myself confronting my relationship to my meditation and dedication to Buddhism fairly deeply. \u00a0While sorting through Shrunyu Suzuki\u2019s ideas of having no gaining ideas, no expectation of outcome, his reminder to think of Buddhism as \u201cnothing special,\u201d I came face to face with my true tendency to often use meditation and mindfulness as lotion for the irritation of my mind. \u00a0I found that often, instead of coming to the meditation practice as a way to calm my mind so that I could explore reality more deeply, I often came to \u201cfix\u201d my mind. \u00a0To calm me down, to get me to work, to get me focused, to bring about artistic catharsis, to avoid smoking a cigarette and so forth. \u00a0Like so many balms that I employ in my life: yoga, baths, a glass of wine, running, I had started to use meditation as \u201cmood management.\u201d \u00a0I started to use it towards self-improvement. \u00a0I mean, meditation is good for you. \u00a0Listen to Alan Wallace<\/a> speak and you\u2019ll get pumped to devote the next three years of your life to attaining the ninth stage of Shamatha. \u00a0And what\u2019s the problem with that?
\nReading ZMBM<\/em> I came to the conclusion that the problem is not that you think meditation is going to be good for you, improve you as a person, an artist, a lover a friend. \u00a0The problem is that in order to see the illusory nature of our beliefs, its essential to let go of these ideas of improvement. \u00a0I know that\u2019s what Suzuki Roshi is saying, but it made sense to me, for the first time again, this week. \u00a0Going into meditation in order for it to calm me down pits myself against myself. \u00a0Going into meditation accepting the momentary, flawed state of my mind and reality and not try to change it, to rather simply be curious about it, allows me to be in the present moment. \u00a0Because the greatest struggle in my sitting practice recently (and I know for many people this has got to be true) goes like this:\u00a0
\nNon-verbal breath focusing.\u00a0
\nThought 1: I am going to feel so much better\/ be super productive once I can really learn how to do this all the time.
\nThought 2: Stop thinking, Julia, you just said you were going to feel much better when you learned how to experientially focus on the breath and now you\u2019re thinking.\u00a0
\nThought 3: Don\u2019t chastise yourself Julia, just get back to the breath. \u00a0Discipline!
\nNon-verbal breath focusing.\u00a0
\nThought 4: See, Julia, that\u2019s so much better. \u00a0If only you could learn how to do that all the time you would be so much smarter\/more productive.\u00a0
\nThought 5: Ai Chihuahua, Jules! \u00a0Stop thinking. \u00a0You’re thinking. Stop thinking. You’re thinking. \u00a0Oh, honey, please, please please stop thinking \u2026.\u00a0
\nAnd on and on.\u00a0
\nHere\u2019s a quotation that particularly interested me in ZMBM:<\/p>\n

\u201cI discovered that it is necessary, absolutely necessary, to believe in nothing. \u00a0That is, we have to believe in something which has no form and no color \u2013 something which exists before all forms and colors appears. \u00a0This is a very important point. \u00a0 No matter what god of doctrine you believe in, if you become attached to it, your belief will be based more or less on a self-centered idea. \u00a0You strive for a perfect faith in order to save yourself. \u00a0\u2026In constantly seeking to actualize your idea, you will have no time for composure. \u00a0But if you are always prepared for accepting everything we see as something appearing from nothing, knowing that there is some reason why a phenomenal existence of such and such form and color appears, then at that moment you will have perfect composure.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I see this idea of \u201cperfect composure\u201d as resting completely in the present moment, and \u201cbelieving in nothing\u201d to mean that we must accept the utter emptiness and interdependence of every single moment of our lives. \u00a0In that because all nature and nurture converge to create our present moment in its appreciable specificity, it is only when we completely let go of our ideals, let go of our ideals about reality, about relationships, about who we are, what we\u2019re capable of, of our opinions and practices, our senses of humor and pride, it is only when we let all that identification go that our Buddha Nature is revealed. \u00a0Because you can\u2019t experience Buddha Nature and hold on to delusion at the same time. \u00a0It is through believing, having faith, in that nothing that we find the real, non-delusional substance of experience. \u00a0
\nThose were my thoughts on this week. \u00a0You guys?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last Saturday Hardcore Dharma wrapped up its study of Zen Mind: Beginners Mind by Shunryu Suzuki\u00a0A contentious read! \u00a0Some folks loved its experiential wisdom (I certainly found reading the book to be a mindfulness practice in and of itself, requiring my utmost attention). \u00a0Some folks found it overly \u201cbig-minded,\u201d ultimate-reality focused and vague. \u00a0I did…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":190,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-408","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-and-media"],"yoast_head":"\nHardcore Dharma believes in nothing. - One City<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2009\/01\/hardcore-dharma-believes-in-nothing.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Hardcore Dharma believes in nothing. - One City\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Last Saturday Hardcore Dharma wrapped up its study of Zen Mind: Beginners Mind by Shunryu Suzuki\u00a0A contentious read! 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