autistic <\/a>child. Working with this child has been an education in the principles of patience and compassion, maybe as much as all my Buddhist studies combined. It has both worked in conjunction with my meditation practice, and sometimes it seems in opposition to my attempt to cultivate compassion. But really, especially lately, it\u2019s been about redefining my view of what compassion is.<\/p>\nThis little boy, I\u2019ll call him \u201cJames,\u201d had his birthday last week. As much as I tried to give James a fun, happy birthday, he was stuck in one of his crying tantrums for our whole session together. Even his favorite activities made him furious and distressed. He didn\u2019t want to draw; he didn\u2019t want to have ice cream; he didn\u2019t want to go to the park. Autism presents such a challenge to anyone faced with it \u2013 an autistic person has a relationship with the world, objects, people, and their own emotions, that is difficult for the rest of us to relate to. Sensory information is muddled. Transitions from one activity to the next are perilous and strange. Connections between moments come and go. I wish I could tell you more about it, but I can\u2019t, because I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n
That day was, and hopefully will be, the only<\/em> day I\u2019ve ever<\/em> cried at work.<\/p>\nAs I reported to his mother what a difficult day it was for James, I felt an overwhelming rush of self anger \u2013 that I had somehow failed this boy. I felt so awful that he didn\u2019t get to experience the kind of birthdays that I got to have when I was little \u2013 tons of my friends, lots of cake and a big party with balloons and a day that was all about me. And the understanding of all of these things that I had been given. James was given all these things, he was absolutely not neglected. His parents and his family are beautiful, kind, loving people, and give him everything they can and show so much devotion to helping him. The fact that James doesn\u2019t grasp it; the fact that he had to do un-fun work on his birthday; the fact that he had to deal with a pushy woman who couldn\u2019t possibly understand how he was feeling and yet still asked all these difficult things of him, were the thoughts that pushed the tears out.<\/p>\n
I turned away in shame, angry at myself for being unprofessional. I ignored James\u2019s mother\u2019s warm reassurances that I was doing my job and that my work was helping James to overcome his obstacles. I only dwelled in the heated self anger that was bubbling somewhere behind my face, behind my eyes, around my throat, fluttering in my chest. I ruined his birthday<\/em>, I thought.<\/p>\nThis was no good at all. This would not do. I knew that I was doing the right thing in working with James on his birthday, but I needed to convince myself further. A few days later, at the ID Project retreat on Saturday, I worked with these feelings of self anger:<\/p>\n
Why was I so angry with myself?<\/em> Because I had failed.<\/p>\nWhat did I fail at?<\/em> Making James happy.<\/p>\nIs making James happy my goal?<\/em> No, it is not.<\/p>\nWhat is my goal for James?<\/em> To help him function better.<\/p>\nHow can I help him to function better?<\/em> By giving him what he really needs.<\/p>\nWhat does James really need?<\/em> To work on the things which scare him.<\/p>\nMy work with James is about redefining what it means to be compassionate. While I would love for our sessions to make him happy, make him laugh, make him carefree, I know that they won\u2019t always be this way. Real change happens in the uncomfortable, unfamiliar places, and sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is to not make it easy. James will continue to cry, I will continue to have moments of self anger, but both James and I must push through the tears and the tantrums to find the places where we can learn. I can rely on my friends and teachers to give me tough love when I need it. For James, and for other autistic children, it will, likewise, take a teacher or a friend who isn\u2019t afraid to truly be compassionate, to get them to a place of understanding.<\/p>\n
Maybe I know James better than I thought.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Speaking of self anger. I had a very profound moment last week. The fact of whether or not it was justified is irrelevant; it was there. And it totally, and I mean TOTALLY sucked. Based on this I would recommend that we eradicate self anger (I wish). While my primary job is that of One…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":189,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-and-media"],"yoast_head":"\n
Teachers as Compassionate Warriors - One City<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Teachers as Compassionate Warriors - One City\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Speaking of self anger. I had a very profound moment last week. The fact of whether or not it was justified is irrelevant; it was there. And it totally, and I mean TOTALLY sucked. Based on this I would recommend that we eradicate self anger (I wish). While my primary job is that of One…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"One City\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2008-06-23T21:51:48+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Emily Herzlin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Teachers as Compassionate Warriors - One City","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Teachers as Compassionate Warriors - One City","og_description":"Speaking of self anger. I had a very profound moment last week. The fact of whether or not it was justified is irrelevant; it was there. And it totally, and I mean TOTALLY sucked. Based on this I would recommend that we eradicate self anger (I wish). While my primary job is that of One…","og_url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html","og_site_name":"One City","article_published_time":"2008-06-23T21:51:48+00:00","author":"Emily Herzlin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html","name":"Teachers as Compassionate Warriors - One City","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/#website"},"datePublished":"2008-06-23T21:51:48+00:00","dateModified":"2008-06-23T21:51:48+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/#\/schema\/person\/60ceefaf4f60083515d6b0a03fd5e3ef"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/2008\/06\/teachers-as-compassionate-warriors.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Teachers as Compassionate Warriors"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/","name":"One City","description":"The Interdependence Project","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/#\/schema\/person\/60ceefaf4f60083515d6b0a03fd5e3ef","name":"Emily Herzlin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/233\/23312275747e2eadb402e574469b865cx96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-content\/wphb-cache\/gravatar\/233\/23312275747e2eadb402e574469b865cx96.jpg","caption":"Emily Herzlin"},"description":"Emily Herzlin graduated New York University with a B.A. in Dramatic Literature and Creative Writing in 2008. She is a freelance writer for the Women\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s International Perspective, and her writing has been published in Sentient City, the ID Project\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s online literary magazine. Emily is also a playwright and winner of the Young Playwrights Inc. National Playwrighting Competition for her one-act play \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Assemblage.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Her writing is influenced by art, artists, psychology, and spirituality. She has run drama and arts workshops in schools in NYC and Long Island, and teaches children with autism. Emily is working on her M.F.A. in Creative Nonfiction at Columbia University School of the Arts. Emily has been attending classes and workshops at the ID Project since 2005.","url":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/author\/eherzlin"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/189"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=155"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/155\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/onecity\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}