{"id":652,"date":"2010-12-14T09:42:45","date_gmt":"2010-12-14T09:42:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/12\/jesus-is-coming-back-look-pretty.html"},"modified":"2010-12-14T09:42:45","modified_gmt":"2010-12-14T09:42:45","slug":"jesus-is-coming-back-look-pretty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/12\/jesus-is-coming-back-look-pretty.html","title":{"rendered":"Jesus Is Coming Back! Look Pretty!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Based on commercials<\/b> now airing in Superior, Wisconsin, a local jeweler<\/a> is having a Second Coming Sale. Larry Falter thinks the End of Days is imminent, so he’s pledged to offer his jewelry for 50%…maybe until Jesus comes back. <\/p>\n

“I believe we’re really close to that day,” he says in the ad. “Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry I have access to millions.”<\/p>\n

1. That’s a really understated “nonetheless,” right?<\/p>\n

2. Yes, that’s totally what I would do if I thought life on Earth was drawing to a close: I’d buy a tasteful tennis bracelet for my wife, and maybe a pinky ring. You can’t take it with you, but you might as well look all sparkly and bejeweled for the Rapture.<\/p>\n

Watch the ad below.<\/b> Note how the charming introduction depicts explosions in an apocalyptic wasteland, then cuts right to Falter in his store.<\/p>\n

<\/object><\/p>\n

Falter seems to be serious.<\/b> “I’m talking with people about Jesus Christ and talking to people about jewelry,” he told the Minneapolis\/St. Paul City Pages<\/i> newspaper<\/a>. “We’re finding that people are coming and doing a little of both.”<\/p>\n

Probably. As in, “We’ll have to listen to this guy warn us about the apocalypse, honey, but if you can make it through the evangelism we’ll save big!”<\/p>\n

Will the sale really last<\/b> until Jesus comes back? We’ll see. <\/p>\n

According to Harold Camping<\/a>, Falter will only have to slash prices until May 21, 2011. <\/p>\n

According to Jack van Impe<\/a> and\/or the ancient Mayans, the sale should be on until late 2012.<\/p>\n

Or, if mankind’s history of End Times date-setting is any indicator, things will be 50% off at Falter’s store for a long, long, looooooong time.<\/p>\n

—————<\/p>\n

[H\/T: Travis Thompson<\/a>] <\/p>\n

  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Based on commercials now airing in Superior, Wisconsin, a local jeweler is having a Second Coming Sale. Larry Falter thinks the End of Days is imminent, so he’s pledged to offer his jewelry for 50%…maybe until Jesus comes back. “I believe we’re really close to that day,” he says in the ad. “Nonetheless, here and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[61,30,42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apocalypse","category-snark","category-video"],"yoast_head":"\nJesus Is Coming Back! 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