{"id":581,"date":"2010-08-20T07:18:04","date_gmt":"2010-08-20T07:18:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/08\/winn-collier-doubt-better.html"},"modified":"2010-08-20T07:18:04","modified_gmt":"2010-08-20T07:18:04","slug":"winn-collier-doubt-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/08\/winn-collier-doubt-better.html","title":{"rendered":"Winn Collier: Doubt Better"},"content":{"rendered":"

Winn Collier’s relationship<\/b> with Relevant Magazine<\/a> goes back as far as mine does. We both were early members of their freelance writing stable. But while I was writing silly stuff about twenty-something life and the apocalypse (occasionally in the same piece), Winn was already being wise and pastoral. He was Relevant’s Deeper Walk editor for five years. He’s also written for Leadership Journal,<\/i><\/a> PreachingToday.com<\/a><\/i>, and other notable publications.<\/p>\n

\"winncollier.jpg\"<\/span>Moreover, Winn is the author of three books that overlap with many of the things that keep coming up in O Me of Little Faith<\/i> and on this blog. His first solo book, Restless Faith: Hanging on to a God Just out of Reach<\/i><\/a>, is a candid look at Winn’s struggles to know a mysterious, unknowable God. Let God<\/i><\/a> is an exploration of the work of the 17th century theologian Francois Fenelon, whose letters and wisdom Winn paraphrases. And his newest book, Holy Curiosity: Encountering Jesus’ Provocative Questions, <\/i><\/a>takes a look at the probing, subversive questions Jesus asks in the Gospels.<\/p>\n

Winn is the pastor at All Souls Church<\/a> in Charlottesville, Virginia, and the director of The Genesis Project<\/a>, a support community for church planters.<\/p>\n

Here’s his contribution to Voices of Doubt<\/i><\/a> series. It’s called “Doubt Better.” <\/p>\n

—————- <\/p>\n

A pastor really ought to believe in God.<\/b> It usually works better that way.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately,
\nI possess a skeptical bent, so nagging questions have been familiar
\nspace. Usually, these vexing concerns pass after a short stretch. About
\nsix years ago, however, the question of whether or not God existed sat
\ndown for a visit. And decided to stay for a while.<\/p>\n

Added
\nto the fatigue and heaviness I experienced during this grueling
\ndoubting season (maybe 15 months or so), I felt shame that I was a
\nhypocrite, espousing a faith that perhaps I didn’t actually believe.
\nThey do say you’re supposed to smoke what you’re selling.<\/p>\n

Commonly,
\ndoubters receive advice to go to the Scriptures and see if doubts
\ndissipate. I followed the recommendation; however, what I discovered was
\nnot a way out of doubt but a way into it. The Bible taught me how to
\ndoubt better.<\/p>\n

What I discovered in Scripture,
\nparticularly the Psalms, was instruction in how to speak to God,
\nlanguage for Divine conversation. What I found most striking was the
\nPsalms’ brutal honesty. Whatever one felt toward God, they spoke
\n(actually, prayed<\/i>): anger, joy, ambivalence, fear, delight. And doubt.<\/p>\n

The
\nPsalms suggest that dishonesty may be the only thing that isn’t prayer.
\nIf we are filled with doubt, the Bible suggests we doubt out loud.
\nDoubt to God. Don’t hold back. Don’t try to slash a smiley face across
\nit. Let it loose. Doubt louder. Doubt better.<\/p>\n

Because
\ndoubt is uncomfortable to us (and unwelcome by others), giving voice to
\ndoubt can be a courageous, honest act — a faithful act. Doubt can be an
\nexpression of faith.<\/p>\n

We often view faith as fragile. So
\nwe think we need to tiptoe, to tone down our questions. What if our
\nfaith can’t stand up to all these uncertainties?<\/i> If our faith can be
\nslapped around, perhaps it needs to be. Doubt happens when our
\nassumptions or expectations are upended; and truth is that some of our
\nassumptions and expectations (and beliefs) need to be upended. My boys
\nbelieve I’m stronger than the Hulk. Soon enough, that belief will
\nshatter.<\/p>\n

I’ve come to believe that true faith is sturdy.
\nIt can handle its own battles. Faith doesn’t need me to defend it;
\nfaith only needs me to be honest.<\/p>\n

This honest posture
\npoints toward another shade of what it means for me to doubt better<\/i>. At
\ntimes, what I’ve called doubt is actually cynicism. When I express
\ndoubt, I’m brutally honest with my struggle and my hesitation — but I’m
\nstill engaged, still in the conversation. However, when I’m cynical, I’m
\nwithdrawing, hiding and protecting myself from having to trust
\nanything. Cynicism is the easy way.<\/p>\n

To doubt well is to
\ndoubt our doubts as much as we doubt our faith. It’s the sentiment
\nshared on a t-shirt my wife Miska gave me: “I have my doubts about
\ndisbelief.” Doubt keeps us moving, keeps us from settling for clich\u00e9s
\n(religious clich\u00e9s or secular clich\u00e9s). “Doubt is the ants in the pants
\nof faith,” says Buechner.<\/p>\n

How Christians ever came to
\nthe place where we’ve earned the reputation as those who are quickest to
\nshut down our minds befuddles me. If God is true, we have nothing to
\nfear. Stretch our minds. Go wide-open. See if the things we’ve professed
\nhave any heft or if they’re all cultural or psychological smoke and
\nmirrors. If God is true, he isn’t quivering over our intellectual
\nhiccups. He really <\/i>isn’t.<\/p>\n

And if God isn’t true, then we ought to find out, sooner the better.<\/p>\n

Flannery
\nO’Conner describes this kind of practice. “What kept me a skeptic in
\ncollege was precisely my Christian faith. It always said: wait, don’t
\nbite on this, get a wider picture, continue to read.” For O’Conner,
\ndoubt was a spiritual discipline. She learned to doubt well. We might
\ntake her cue.<\/p>\n

—————-<\/p>\n

Thank you, Winn.<\/b> You can find Winn on Twitter<\/a> and Facebook<\/a>. Learn more about his books and check out his blog at winncollier.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Previous posts in the “Voices of Doubt” series…<\/b><\/p>\n

\u2022 Tyler Clark on Losing Fear, Losing Faith<\/a>
\u2022 Rob Stennett on the Genesis of Doubt<\/a>
\u2022 Adam Ellis on Hoping That It’s True<\/a>
\u2022 Nicole Wick on Breaking Up with God<\/a>
\u2022 Anna Broadway on Doubt and Marriage<\/a><\/div>\n

<\/div>\n

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