{"id":563,"date":"2010-07-23T07:07:22","date_gmt":"2010-07-23T07:07:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.beliefnet.com\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/07\/nicole-wick-the-worst-breakup-ever.html"},"modified":"2010-07-23T07:07:22","modified_gmt":"2010-07-23T07:07:22","slug":"nicole-wick-the-worst-breakup-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/07\/nicole-wick-the-worst-breakup-ever.html","title":{"rendered":"Nicole Wick: The Worst Breakup Ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

As I mentioned<\/b> prior to last week’s post by Anna Broadway<\/a>, I think it’s time to begin listening to other voices beside my own as we talk about religious doubt and spiritual uncertainty. I’m going to make this a regular feature on Fridays and hand the Bnet keys to other writers and bloggers to discuss the subject. My instructions to them are pretty simple: Write about doubt and how it has impacted you personally<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Today’s guest post comes from my friend Nicole Wick<\/a>, a family counselor and prolific blogger from Michigan.<\/p>\n

——————- <\/p>\n

\"nicolewick.jpg\"<\/span>I have a long and illustrious history<\/b> of being in the wrong relationship
\nwith the wrong man at the wrong time. That includes the man who was
\nway, many years older, the man (men?) I followed home from bars, and of
\ncourse the man who became a twice-convicted felon. It’s a beautiful
\ndisaster, really.<\/p>\n

Just as impressive as my dating history are my breakups. I’ve had some
\nreal doozies, starting with my very first wide-ruled,
\nfelt-tip-marker-written “Dear John” letter to my 6th grade sweetheart
\n(Jeffery, where did we go wrong?) right through being pushed against my
\ndorm room wall (yeah, it’s complicated). But none of it compares to my
\nabsolute, dead worst breakup of all.<\/p>\n

During the summer of 2005, I broke up with God.<\/p>\n

It was a surprisingly amicable breakup. I decided that all of my prayers
\nweren’t really getting me anywhere, and I was angry. So one afternoon
\n(this really is a true story) I sat down for a quiet conversation with
\nGod and let him know that we were going on a break. I was tired of
\nrolling his holy dice and thought I would try things my way. Ours was a
\ntypical breakup conversation: “It’s not you, it’s me… except that it
\nreally is you… I just need my space… Don’t call me, I’ll call
\nyou….” You know, the usual. He took it all quite well, really.<\/p>\n

At the time, my husband and I were in the midst of our third separation.
\nThird. I was miserable. And exhausted. For four years I had poured my
\nheart out to God. I prayed for reconciliation, restoration, and freedom
\nfrom an addiction that had torn us apart. And despite all of my tears
\nand all of my prayers, there we were, still trapped in all of our old
\npatterns. Needless to say, it sucked.<\/p>\n

I grew up a devout Catholic girl and converted to Protestantism in my
\nlate teens. I’ve always known God was there and have never doubted his
\nexistence, but during that season I certainly doubted his goodness. I
\ndoubted his willingness to hear my prayers, and I doubted his blessing.<\/p>\n

And yet, in my doubt I loved him.<\/p>\n

The afternoon of our breakup, I called my friend Kate and filled her in
\non my conversation with God. I asked her to pray for me because I knew
\nthat I needed it and that I wouldn’t be praying for myself. I guess you
\ncould say that I even doubted my doubt. And then my silent treatment
\nbegan.<\/p>\n

My breakup with God was much shorter than my breakup with my husband.
\nGod and I were back together after about three months. And he remained
\nfaithful even in my silence. When I look back and force myself to see
\npast my toddler-like behavior, it’s amazing to think about all that he
\nwas revealing to me even as I pouted and kicked rocks.<\/p>\n

I learned that he is a big, big God, capable of handling my angry words
\nand my criticism.<\/p>\n

I learned that his arm is long enough enough to let me go and explore my
\nfaith, or my lack thereof, all the while keeping me within his reach.<\/p>\n

I learned that Psalm 86:15<\/a> is no joke. He really, truly is compassionate
\nand gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love and faithfulness.<\/p>\n

I learned that it’s okay to doubt. He gets it. He got it that day on the
\nwater with Peter and he got it during the great breakup of 2005.<\/p>\n

And most importantly, I learned that even when I doubt, he loves.<\/p>\n

——————- <\/p>\n

Thank you, Nicole. <\/b>Follow Nicole Wick on Twitter <\/a>or Facebook<\/a>. <\/p>\n

And don’t miss her excellent blogging at her own site<\/a> as well as at XXXchurch<\/a>. <\/p>\n

Her post yesterday about living in the present tense<\/a> — despite your imperfections — is especially worthwhile.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As I mentioned prior to last week’s post by Anna Broadway, I think it’s time to begin listening to other voices beside my own as we talk about religious doubt and spiritual uncertainty. I’m going to make this a regular feature on Fridays and hand the Bnet keys to other writers and bloggers to discuss…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,22,60],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-563","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-faith","category-guests","category-voices-of-doubt"],"yoast_head":"\nNicole Wick: The Worst Breakup Ever - O Me of Little Faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.beliefnet.com\/columnists\/omeoflittlefaith\/2010\/07\/nicole-wick-the-worst-breakup-ever.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Nicole Wick: The Worst Breakup Ever - O Me of Little Faith\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As I mentioned prior to last week’s post by Anna Broadway, I think it’s time to begin listening to other voices beside my own as we talk about religious doubt and spiritual uncertainty. 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